(Closed) Spinoff – is it my responsibility to tell the bride/groom of food allergies?

posted 8 years ago in Food
  • poll: How do you let the couple know of dietary restrictions?

    The couple should put something on their invitations to let them know of restrictions

    It is up to the guest to let the couple know

  • Post # 32
    1347 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    The only people’s allergies I will take into account while initial meal planning is our immediate family- shellfish, and nut allergy. I would expect someone with a life threatening allergy to inquire about the meal either when they RSVP or with the waitstaff if a menu has not been provided. When I host small gatherings at home I inquire about dietary restrictions. At a large scale wedding opening up to soliciting for food allergies may open up to food preferences and that can go overboard.

    Post # 33
    2009 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @ButterflyButterfly:  I saw that thread and I can see why she didn’t think to mention her allergy. I have a good friend with a shellfish allergy but it’s usually not a big deal to just avoid shellfish so she wouldn’t bring it up.

    In that poster’s case EVERY course was sea food with no other options! I’m sure she just thought there would be other options like vegetables or chicken or soup (without sea food) or dessert…

    I think if you’re vegetarian you should say something if you don’t want to get stuck eating salad only or if you have a gluten allergy that can be hard to avoid so you should say something.

    Although I think it would be nice for the couple to provide a spot on the RSVPs for food allergies especially if they are planning to only have one type of food! Especially a type of food with common allergies. You can’t have a wedding and serve peanuts with a side of peanut butter and peanute brittle for dessert…

    Post # 34
    1298 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    It’s the guests responsibility to notify, though I’d be really careful if I was only serving one dish – like really careful, I’d never do just shellfish. I’m not, we’re having a really wide ranging stationed buffet. We have some vegetarians and nut allergies, so everything will be clearly labeled. But I’m not a mind reader. 

    Post # 35
    666 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    @ButterflyButterfly:  So my cousins have a gluten allergy and they just wrote a line in on the RSVP. We did give guests three choices but my assumption was they would pick something they could eat or let me know and they did so now my cousins will (hopefully since I am hoping the venue doesn’t mix it up) get gluten-free meals! I think if there is no meal options the couple should specifiy what the meal is on the invite so guests have a heads up to alert the couple to a problem. It would have been weird of you to text them and say “hey what are you serving I have this allergy” if they were just going to serve chicken so I can see how its a combined responsibility of the couple letting the guests know the menu and the guests alerting the couple if the menu will be an issue. 

    Post # 36
    2925 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    I think generally the guests need to let the B&G know if they have a serious allergy. However, I cannot imagine a wedding with only one type of item offered – especially an item that many are allergic too!

    Post # 37
    1471 posts
    Bumble bee

    It just depends on what is being served. People are rarely allergic to chicken or beef in comparison to shellfish, so I would sooner write that shellfish is being served on my invitation than I would mention chicken or beef. Likewise, I know that a lot of people are allergic to peanuts/eggs now, so I would want to warn someone if any of those things were part of the ingredients. Other than that I would expect a guest to write if they are allergic to something that is commonly used for cooking, or just ask a waiter to verify the day of. I always bring snacks just incase there is something I can’t or won’t eat at any particular event, or I plan to stop for fast food between the ceremony and reception since my SO is an extremely picky eater.

    Post # 38
    2426 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I think it’s a joint responsibility. 

    Post # 39
    5136 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @ButterflyButterfly:  its not your responsibility to let them know of your food allergy. THey should have had common sense to include the dish with or without shellfish. Like I stated in your other post, a shellfish allergy is very common, and she should have known better.

    The food we served our guests was an option of chicken, beef or fish, and I knew my guests well enough to reach out to the ones who I knew were either allergic to certain things OR didn’t eat certain foods due to religion. So I didn’t have this issue.

    Post # 40
    2009 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @ButterflyButterfly:  Sorry I didn’t read the OP correctly and responded as if you WEREN’T the person who wrote the other post lol

    But yes, while I generally think you should inform the couple and it’d be a nice gesture for them to add a line on the RSVP…I think THEY should have been more aware to not serve the same type of food for every course with no other options.

    Post # 41
    1878 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I think it’s the Allergic Person’s job to let the VENUE know – at least that’s the case at my venue!!! They will (easily) accomodate anyone with allergies.

    I wouldn’t trust a bride/groom to remember the info about my allergy, let alone really know what to do with the info in terms of ordering food.

    Post # 42
    533 posts
    Busy bee

    Their wedding may be the only time a couple plans a catered/served meal for a large group of people. If you host a large dinner party and someone’s dietary needs aren’t accomodated, it’s pretty straightforward to whip something up for them last minute… not the case at most weddings.

    I’d not expect anyone who doesn’t do this often to make a concerted effort to know everyone’s food preferences. It would be up to the guest to share that information and/or plan to take care of their own needs that day, bottom line.

    It is considerate to be as accomodating as you’re able, as hosts. Picky eaters and those with allergies/restrictions do learn to be good at dealing with other people’s preferences too, though.

    Post # 43
    9919 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I believe it’s your responsibility to let them know of your food allergy.  I invited nearly 200 people to my wedding, and I only knew of one who had an allergy.  Another approached me and said that she had an allergy, so it was really easy to accomodate.  had the person waited until the day, it would have been really difficult to change the entree. (We had 3 options – chicken, beef, and vegetarian, so nothing outlandish that would scream “allergy threat” anyway.)

    You would certainly tell waitstaff about an allergy when you get to a restaurant, I don’t see the difference in telling your friends/family ahead of time that you have an allergy that needs to be accomodated. 


    Post # 44
    7382 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2011

    I think it depends on the severity of the allergy.  I thought I was allergic to shrimp, it turns out I’m  not or else came up as a false negative on 2 different types of tests (I’m assuming it’s an intolerance).  It used to be minor, I could just pick the shrimp out so I never bothered mentioning it.  I would never expect my only option to be shrimp!  Since it has gotten worse, I either find out information about the menu or mention it.

    Some of my guests called the venue about celiac disease.  I wish they had contacted me, as on the website I requested it to be written down on the RSVP card or via email.  It caused some confusion with the number of gluten-free meals, as they were not the only ones.




    Post # 45
    286 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I agree with the majority of PPs that it’s the guest responsibility to take care of their own dietary restrictions. But I would go one step further and say that if you have restrictions, you shouldn’t expect anyone to bend over backwards for you. I am vegetarian and I ALWAYS have back up granola bars or something in my purse. I don’t think that my food restrictions should be something that a bride is stressing about on her wedding day. 

    I also agree with  @BluebonnetBride:  “I don’t think that information should have made its way back to the bride.”

    It clearly doesn’t seem like your guests are supportive and happy to celebrate your marriage if all they can do is whine about the food…

    Post # 46
    1225 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I think generally it is the guest’s responisiblity.  However, being a good host often means helping your guests with things that are strictly their responsibility (like providing RSVP cards these days, technically the guest should have the werewithal to write out an RSVP and send it back with their own stamp, but that is harder on both guest and host.)

    In the case you outline, I think the hosts are at fault. Shellfish allergy is a very common one, so they should have the good sense to either not serve only shellfish options, or to alert the guests and ask them specifically about shellfish allergies. I am allergic to food molds, including cheese mold.  I love blue cheese but it makes me sick. If I am asked for dietary restrictions, I’ll write it down, but I don’t generally go out of my way to tell hosts about my allergy, as I’ve never had any problem with eating around it, usually blue cheese isn’t in every dish. However, if hosts say they are serving chicken cordon bleu, or chicken wings, I will bring it up. There is no way you could have anticipated every dish having shellfish, because you have to be a daft host to serve that.

    Also, that bride is a terrible hostess for scolding you after the fact.  She could have not said anything, or apologized, but it all worked out and you didn’t make a scene, so there was no need for her to say anything if she really though it was your fault. Her contacting you just to scold you is really poor manners.

    The topic ‘Spinoff – is it my responsibility to tell the bride/groom of food allergies?’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors