(Closed) Spinoff – is it my responsibility to tell the bride/groom of food allergies?

posted 8 years ago in Food
  • poll: How do you let the couple know of dietary restrictions?

    The couple should put something on their invitations to let them know of restrictions

    It is up to the guest to let the couple know

  • Post # 47
    572 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I think it’s the guest’s responsibility. I’m also guessing the bride heard you complaining about the food, which is rude for you to have done, which is why she brought it up.

    I’m including a line for it on my RSVP card just in case, but I’m not actually sure I can accommodate everyone’s dietary restrictions.  Luckily, my venue allows outside food to be plated with the rest of the entrees in the case of severe food allergies.

    Post # 48
    1347 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    @AB Bride:  you provided a RSVP card with the invite, but posted on your website about allergy concerns? How were your guests who opted not to visit your website know you wanted to be in the loop about their allergies?

    Post # 49
    7380 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2011

    @CurlyCue:  Yeah, looking back I wish I had done that.  I was just hoping that people with food restrictions would have checked out the website (I knew anything for those without the internet).  There are quite a few people I know with “allergies” (aka made up issues and/or pickiness) and I didn’t want to have to start catering to all of that.  It worked out in the end, but when I was giving the special food requests we were both confused for a little bit.

    I did avoid the most common allergens – there was no seafood, nuts or peanuts in anything.


    Post # 50
    5486 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I couldn’t vote.
    I could never tell a bride and groom of a food allergy if I had one. I would just make sure I ate before I got there.
    Nor would I have appreciated someone telling me of a food allergy. Like I’m going to need another thing to remember on my wedding day?!
    It’s just food.

    Post # 51
    506 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    I feel like it is both the guest and bride and groom’s responsibility to take care of food allergies. As someone with celiac, and I am uber sensitive, i always let people know. However… When my 2 friends that knew and I told them, failed to actually have a meal that I could eat it was disappointing. Especially because the one wedding I was a Bridesmaid in… and by the time we actually got to eat I was famished. I think that even if you tell the couple you have an allergy, it’s their job to do something about it. You telling them can only go so far. Though, they should offer other food options, I think that vegetarian meals should always be offered. I always eat dinner before a wedding because you can’t count on anyone to provide for you. But I don’t think the responsibility should fall solely on the guest. It’s weird/rude to me that the Bride told you that it was basically your fault they didn’t have food for you… What if you told her and she still didn’t have any food?!

    Post # 52
    7380 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2011

    @Rubbs:  You don’t need to remember it on the day.  You tell whoever is preparing the food ahead of time and trust them to remember (and the guest to make sure they get their special dish).

    Post # 53
    3949 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    My dad has the same shellfish allergy.  He brings snacks/fruit with him in his car when they go places like weddings.  He thinks it’s his allergy (he ate shellfish until he was 25 then it was like a switch flipped and he wound up in ICU), his repsonbiility to handle it.   

    Seriously you could send out a 20 page survey to everyone attending to see their food allergies, food cooked in peanut oil, fish, what won’t you eat…. it could be endless.  

    Post # 54
    395 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    As a grown woman, you’re in charge of your own health. For that reason, you need to speak with the hosts in advance, regardless of the event.

    Post # 55
    8508 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    At a large event like a wedding I feel it’s the guest’s responsibility to let the host know of any major allergies/intolerances. If you tried to accomodate every somewhat common allergy that’d be a pretty tough menu…

    Post # 56
    2953 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @ButterflyButterfly:  If you have an allergy, you need to let them know. If you a vegetarian and I’m not offering a vegetarian meal, you need to let me know this too. I don’t know who can eat what so you tell me and I’ll make sure you are fed and fed well. 🙂

    Post # 57
    250 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    So, at my first wedding my new sister-in-law got deathly ill at the reception and had to go to the emergency room.  The whole family left the reception and my husband yelled at me (a definite mood killer and bad omen for the marriage).   Turns out my sister-in-law had a nut allergy that NO ONE had ever mentioned to me and she also didn’t bother to ask the cooks how the buffeted food was prepared.  I say if you have a serious allergy it is absolutely your responsibility to be vigilant about what you put in your body at all times and to tell those that are feeding you about it yourself.

    Post # 60
    1306 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I don’t think the couple should invite the endless strange requests that come from asking ppl if they have any food restrictions.  It’s good to ask if someone’s vegetarian, but, besides that, asking for more is just trouble.  

    If someone is vegan, gluten-free, or allergic to something and not okay w/risking it, they should inform the couple in advance.  Because if the cpl starts a free-for-all, you can see what happens in other posts- suzy is a child, but doesn’t like kids’ meals; I only like fish if it’s not in a cream sauce; no mushrooms please, I don’t like peas, and on and on. it can turn into a nightmare, so, unfortunately, those with actual food allergies need to speak on up.

    Post # 61
    6375 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

    I just provided a choice of two starters and mains which people could choose from on the invitation. If people were allergic, they could just pick the other option. I also asked if people could inform me of allergies on the website. Beyond that, I think it’s the responsibility of the guests. Your host is not a mind reader, after all.

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