(Closed) Spinoff-No Thank You Cards-Rude?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Did you send Thank You Cards?




  • Post # 33
    1268 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 1994

    I could be wrong, but I think the rule is 2 months? You could ask if they recieved it, asking in a way that seems as though you are concerned it didn’t arrive.

    I was the photographer for a friends wedding last year, and didn’t charge her. She told me thank you, but I really would had liked a thank-you card, like the rest of people. Especially seeming she would of paid hundreds of dollars (atleast!) for the same service had she hired someone who wasn’t a friend. Still irritated about that one! But now she is divorced. (I saw that one coming though before she even got married).

    Post # 34
    1692 posts
    Bumble bee

    Formal etiquette is the epitome of the double standard. From you, etiquette requires the highest standard of behaviour: thank-you notes written the same day that a gift was received or as soon as humanly possible thereafter. Gifts sent properly to the bride’s home for her greatest convenience and privacy rather than left at the wedding to be carted away by her friends. Thank-you notes sent to your hostess the day after any substantial entertainment such as a sit-down meal  or a theatre excursion. Impeccable dress appropriate to the time of day and formality of the event.

    But respecting your friends and social contacts, etiquette requires that you understand their constraints and special situations, make every allowance for every possible special consideration, cut them extra slack for the possibility of circumstances you do not know about. Etiquette looks down at the pointing finger, and notices that three other fingers are pointing backward at the owner of said finger. There is no margin for you in choosing to be offended. But you would certainly be well justified, and blameless, to follow up with the couple just to check that your boxed gift was indeed properly delivered, and that your cash gift did not accidentally wander into the pocket of some wedding-crasher.

    Post # 35
    2543 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    We will be sending out thank you cards. I believe even people who didn’t get you a gift deserve one for spending the day with you. I would be offended that I didn’t receive a thank you card…but first I would ask them to make sure they got the gift.

    Post # 37
    3173 posts
    Sugar bee

    @veryberry13:  It is very rude not to send thank you cards for gifts. I send thank you cards for Christmas and birthday gifts too.

    As for confronting them about the lack of thank you cards – 1. Technically, they have up to a year to send the card 2. It depends on your relationship with the couple. Of all the weddings I’ve been to, I’ve only not received thank you cards back from two. One was my sister – I did mention it to her. Her response was, “Oh well, DH was supposed to send them…” Never got one. The other was another friend where I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man. I simply think that she simply does not send thank you cards. I’ve never received a thank you card even for gifts for baby shower later. I guess some people are just that way. I did not confront her. What’s the point anyway?

    Post # 38
    1226 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    View original reply
    @veryberry13:  My wedding was at the end of June and we have yet to send our’s. We have started them, and plan to send them soon. 

    I have heard you have up to year to send them; I have also heard that 2-3 months after the wedding is ideal, so we are starting to push it!

    I’d say give them more time… She might even call you or mention it herself during the holidays.

    Post # 40
    794 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2015 - Backyard Forest

    I just got a thank-you card last week from a wedding in July. Turns out they’re pregnant with a honeymoon baby… so that explains their delay 🙂

    Post # 41
    451 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    It never ceases to amaze me, the excuses that people come up with for delaying sending thank-you notes for their wedding gifts. Where on earth did people ever get the idea that waiting a year – or even three months – was appropriate? Your wedding guests somehow managed to find the time to select and present a gift to you! Why is it so challenging to find the time to sit down and thank people for that?

    We got ours out within two weeks after the wedding. It was a fun activity to do together, focusing on feeling gratitude towards all these wonderful people who shared our special day with us and were so thoughtful to bring a gift.

    Itʻs not about ettiquette rules! Itʻs about putting the concept of expressing gratitude to your loved ones higher on the priority list than the gazillion other things that these folks who wait months to send thank-you notes are doing. Weʻre all busy – so what? Just prioritize it, ferheavenssakes.

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