(Closed) Spinoff on gifts for parents… how should we do this?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
301 posts
Helper bee

ChrissyMary9515:  I am in the exact same position as you! I plan on giving both sets of parents a small memento for the wedding, maybe handkerchiefs for the moms. After the wedding, privately, my FH and I will do something extra special for my parents. I haven’t figured it out quite yet, but maybe a night away at a nearby casino or a dinner and a broadway show in Toronto. I definitely plan on acknowledging the fact that my parents contributed so much more to our day, but not publicly like at the wedding or rehearsal dinner. My parents already have a lot and I feel like experience gifts or opportunities for us to spend time together and do something special will mean a lot to them. 

Post # 3
Member
992 posts
Busy bee

ChrissyMary9515:  Why would your FI’s parents ever need to know what you got your parents? I think it’s a nice gesture to give them gifts, but I can’t imagine adjults saying, “Thanks for my gift…what’d you buy so-and-so?”

Post # 4
Member
8950 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

ChrissyMary9515:  I would give the gifts privately. I guess some people give them at the rehearsal, but I think that seems awkward especially if one is more extravagant than the other. Just get your parents something you think they’ll love and find meaningful at whatever price point you’re ok with, and find a private opportunity to give it to them. Then do the same for the other parents. No need to mention what you got the others. Or if you really want to give something at the rehearsal, get them both the same (or similar) as a thank you for raising you and supporting you. There’s nothing wrong with later privately giving your parents a second gift as a thank you for helping host your wedding.

Post # 6
Member
1228 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Just get both sets of parents the same gift.  And give your heartfelt thanks.

Gratitude is not measured in dollar amounts.  

Post # 7
Member
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015 - Tuscany Falls Banquet Hall

I am running into this same issue. My parents are paying over $25,000 for our wedding and my fiances mother is literally doing nothing other than sitting on her behind trying to tell us what we should/shouldnt do. I am planning on paying for a vacation for my parents because they will be taking that week after my wedding off. I am doing absolutely nothing for my fiances mother. It may be rude but at this point, I do not care. So I say if you want to give your fiances mother a gift then do it but if you do not want to then you should not feel obligated to do so.

Post # 8
Member
929 posts
Busy bee

I was always told, you’re not just giving your parents a thank you for their financial help with the wedding, but rather for all of their love and support throughout the years. 

That said, I do understand where you are coming from. I would get them both something for the rehersal/wedding that is thanking them for the support.

You can also get your parents something extra, but give it to them privately. 

Post # 10
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee

so we have the same exact situation but flipped (his parents our paying for venue – were paying for everything else) my mom did throw us an engagment party and will throw me a shower and she is helping me pay for my dress (she would pay for the whole thing if she could but she just doesnt have the money for anything else) where my dad isnt contributing anything. We ended up getting both our moms pretty rings but his moms was a lil more expensive and his dad a pair of cufflinks. I got my dad an emboridered hankerchif since i did not want to give all the parents gifts and not him but it was way cheaper than what we spent on the other parents. To show our appreciation to his parents for going above and beyond, we also plan on taking them out to a nice dinner after the wedding as a further thank you. this way it doesnt seem like we got them these crazy expensive gifts for them and just got my parents blah gifts.

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