Post # 1
In a recent thread, many people were getting offended by the idea of giving a monetary gift that would cover the cost of your meal. Several stated that the bride chose a $100/person meal, not the guest and thus shouldn’t be expected to pay for it.
However, what would you say to literally covering your plate by providing part of the meal? How would you feel about a potluck wedding? You choose what you make and how much is made and how much you spend. Would you partake or is this, too, incredibly offensive?
Potlucks are my go-to for party planning (wedding not included). While I take care of the bulk of it, I like having the cost split between guests and no one to my knowledge has ever had a problem with it. If I were invited to a wedding and it said to bring a dish to share, I’d happily do so. Granted, I’d probably also give a gift of some sort, but casseroles are cheap, I can afford to be generous.
Post # 3
@HonoraryNerd: I love the idea of pot lucks weddings!
My parents, who can be total snobs at times, went to a Nigerian pot luck wedding once and they said it was the best wedding they had ever been to and that all the guests loved playing a part and knowing they helped make the couple’s day. I think it only works at certain weddings though, it would be harder to do pot luck at a formal black tie affair than it would at a back yard wedding just because of the difference in expectations and attitudes.
I guess the only problem is how do you prevent eveyone one bringing the same dish. I can just imagine a wedding with 100 cheesecakes and 50 bowls of green salad and nothing else.
Post # 4
I personally think it is worse. Not only do you expect me pay for my meal with a potluck but you expect me to cook it as well.
I am a big fan of host what you can afford. If you can’t afford a sit down dinner then don’t have a sit down dinner wedding and if you can’t bear to do without a sit down dinner wedding then cut everything else (flowers/dress budget/honeymoon/guestlist).
Sometimes what we want and what we can have in reality are far apart.
The one thing that does bug me about a lot of posts about making guests pay for things is that the hosts are not willing to compromise on stuff for themselves just stuff for their guests. Bought a $2,000 wedding dress, $500 on shoes, $1,000 on flowers and $1,000 on a 3 piece band but want to send a demand for a cheque for their dinner with the invite.
Post # 5
@HonoraryNerd: I don’t mind a potluck wedding but it would have to be really casual and really close to home. I don’t want to bring food to a wedding more than 30-45 minutes away and I would also be really cheesed if it said anything about semi-formal etc.
I would also be expecting no gap from ceremony to dinner as timing would be a concern if I brought anything hot.
I think a potluck would actually be more difficult to organize though as you’d have to figure out the heating of the food and hope everyone either brings disposables or remembers to collect their dishes at the end.
Post # 6
Inherent in being a good host or hostess is providing the food and beverages for your guests. However, etiquette doesn’t require a host to provide what he or she cannot afford, so a punch and cake reception is every bit as acceptable as one that features a lavish, plated meal.
Post # 7
@j_jaye: agreed agreed agreed
Post # 8
The only way I think that a potluck would be reasonable for a wedding, would be if it was pretty much family only in a church basement, park shelter or home with an incredibly casual vibe. It would be better to serve cake and punch, heavy appetizers or a dessert buffet if you want a wedding with flowers, dancing, and all the trimmings.
Post # 9
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