SPINOFF: Prenups… preYUP or preNOPE

posted 1 year ago in Money
  • poll: What’s your experience with prenups?
    I was presented with one and signed it : (5 votes)
    5 %
    I was presented with one and declined to sign : (2 votes)
    2 %
    I gave one to SO and he/she signed : (6 votes)
    6 %
    I gave one to SO and he/she didn’t sign : (0 votes)
    No prenup was discussed : (68 votes)
    66 %
    Other : (22 votes)
    21 %
  • Post # 31
    357 posts
    Helper bee

    I have a tricky enheritance situation like that other bee… I have a small (NOT 100k!) amount of money that will be left by my grandparents. The wording in the will is such that in the weird situation that my dad died, and then I died, even if I married, neither my mom, nor my brother, not my partner would recieve the money unless I had specifically indicated otherwise (in a will or a prenup)… It would go to my uncle, who controls the account and from whom we are estranged. So in order to secure that money for my family, I will likely sit down with all involved party and arrange a prenup to ensure things are fair to my family and my partner’s family (as opposed to the currently unfair situation where my partner will get zip, nada, zilch if I die).

    Post # 32
    9580 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2016

    malayna :  well talk to your lawyer, because I’m not one.. but a lot of what my lawyer and I discussed both in private, with Darling Husband there, and in writing was how exactly we should handle our accounts to keep things as “clean” as possible. One major point she drilled in to us was NO MIXING accounts willy-nilly! It makes things crazy messy and hard to trace.

    Again, talk to your lawyer, but I’d imagine you can make a one time loan of 100k to pay off his debt, to be repaid in the event of a divorce. (I personally wouldn’t charge him interest on it but that’s up to you two. Your lawyer will probably advise you DO charge him interest, as that’s 100k you could have invested.. but the whole point of a prenup is to be generous, imo, and negotiate in good faith.)

    Re: your Q.  That’s a question to ask your lawyer. My husband and I decided all retirement and post tax investment accounts created post marriage, regardless of whose name is on it (our life insurance policies basically) would be joint property so we didn’t need to address that point. 

    Eta: I just want to say it loud and clear: I am a stranger on the internet telling you my personal opinion on what is fair, which is an incredibly subjective thing.  Listen to your lawyers and your personal moral compasses when deciding the terms of your prenup, not me, lol.

    Post # 33
    1397 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2020

    We both were willing to sign a prenup, but found it unnecessary. 

    I see no problem with prenups and don’t take them as a personal attack indictating we’re going to divorce. It’s like using a seat belt in a car. You don’t plan on getting into an accident, but use it anyway to protect you in the event that we’re to happen.

    Post # 34
    12207 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    No prenup. It probably would have taken something significant like children from a previous marriage or a family entangled business for us to have considered it.

    Post # 35
    687 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    We aren’t married yet but have discussed this and agree to settle financial matters while we love each other, rather than when we have falled out of love. We don’t THINK this will happen but that’s what plenty others thought, too.

    So we’ll sit down together with lawyers and make sure each our assets are safe and everything is fair.

    Post # 36
    1258 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2018

    No. We each have quite a bit of savings for being in our 20s but that’s almost all getting poured into a house we are closing on in a few weeks (plus lots of renovations). And the house would be split if we ever divorced.


    We both may inherit from our wealthy parents one day but we’d probably be in our 70’s by the time they all pass so nothing to concern ourselves with today.

    Post # 37
    1398 posts
    Bumble bee

    Prenups in the U.K. are not legally binding, I think you can have one but it’s up to a judge whether they acknowledge it or not. Honestly, I have never even thought about a prenup, but then me and my Fiance do not have much difference in assets or salary so there would be no need. I know that my best friend’s husband wanted some kind of legal agreement in regards to their mortgage as he was contributing a much larger deposit than her, which I think is legally binding, but she refused as she found it offensive. I don’t know anyone else who has has opted for or discussed anything like that though. 

    Post # 38
    234 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2020 - Hopetoun House, UK

    I think signing a prenup would vary depending on scenario, i feel it is more commonly discussed when one party has substantially more assets or going to potentially inherit a large sum.

    I discussed from the beginning that I think its appropriate to sign a prenup, as I have both assets and a larger inheritance then my fiance. I know many argue that it seems like a trust issue but it isnt the case at all, I’d give the world to this man and he is amazing. But a dormant monster might make an appearance if (unfortunately) a messy divorce occurs.

    Its more of a contingency plan, just as how you would get your home insured (you dont do it hoping your house would burn down).

    Post # 39
    286 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2017

    I gladly signed one. I wasn’t offended at all. D H is going to inherit a very large sum of money from his father. His dad insisted I sign one or he would change his will. This was Father-In-Law attitude in the beginning of the wedding planning. D H ex wife was something else and bled husband of his inheritance from his grandfather. His father was protecting him and I totally understand. It wasn’t worth it. D H mother is an attorney and represented me. His parents are divorced. She looked it over, tweaked it a bit and we signed. D H called FIL to let him know and to give him a copy and Father-In-Law said “I don’t need a copy. If anything happens to you, I’ll make sure she’s taken care of.” FIL and I have a fantastic relationship. Money talk can be ugly. It brings out the worse in some people.  

    Post # 40
    996 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2016

    We have one, but it wasn’t either one of us that “presented” it. We discussed it like adults and agreed on the terms, and each got a lawyer, and each got to contribute what we wanted in there. It was totally fine. 

    Post # 41
    350 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2017

    Financially maybe it would’ve been appropriate, but no. Not for us. If one of us had a kid or owned a business or something other than wallet-measuring then sure.

    Post # 43
    863 posts
    Busy bee

    somathemagical :  Honestly? I don’t think it would bother me. If I had a substanial amount of money, or if he did, going into a marriage, then I don’t think that it should be split 50/50 in case of divorce. Darling Husband and I both had about the same amount of money when we got married, but we still keep separate accounts. I know people get offended at the chance of divorce, but half of couples end up splitting up, so I’m too logical to think that there’s zero chance I couldn’t be one of them. 

    Post # 44
    2592 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse

    I don’t see why there’s such a stigma. If I had a lot of money or assets going into a marriage and the person I was marrying didn’t have anything, why wouldn’t I protect myself? 

    My husband and I didn’t have much when we married so there was nothing to sign. But if I would have owned properties or anything I for sure would have made him sign! 

    Although we don’t like to think this way, there is absolutely no guarantee that a marriage will work out. People change. 

    Post # 45
    1946 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre

    Since neither of us had any assets before we got married and we already shared a joint bank account we decided against a pre nup

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