(Closed) SPINOFF: "push presents" – awesome or awful?

posted 7 years ago in The Lounge
  • poll: Push presents...

    Are never obnoxious! A woman should get/deserves a push present.

    Could be obnoxious if the woman asks for/specifies the gift.

    Are always obnoxious! Why do you need a gift after giving birth?

    Obligatory "Other"

  • Post # 47
    Member
    1305 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I love the idea of a father gifting something to the mother of his child. I realy don’t like the term “push present” though. It’s icky to me.

    I think something nice like a foot bath or something to relax her (maybe a gift card for a massage or lunch out with her friends) is really thoughtful. ANd I like gifts. Who would think giving someone a gift is obnoxious? Not to mention plenty of people who are NOT the baby’s father gift new moms stuff all the time. Why shouldn’t he?

    Post # 48
    Member
    2966 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    View original reply
    @vorpalette:  Sigh. This is one of those things that makes me wonder what the world has come to. 

     

    Post # 49
    Member
    166 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    First off, I hate the term push present. It gives me visual images I don’t need at this time of the morning!

    I think asking for any sort of gift is crass, and anyone that demands a gift in these circumstances is definitely being obnoxious (also, not really sure what leverage you have to demand a gift once you’re preggo. Surely that thing’s coming now whether you get a present or not!). Having said that, I’d be delighted if my husband surprised me with a gift that was just for NovaPotato and not NovaPotato-The-Mum.

    One of the things that really scares me about having kids is losing my own identity. I’ve seen a lot of mothers get so completely wrapped up in their kids that they barely seem to exist as their own person anymore. Everything becomes about their children. I don’t think it’s healthy, and I never want to be like that. So, even though I fully expect any hypothetical children to be the most important thing in my world, a little something just for me amidst the initial onslaught of baby-this and baby-that would be treasured.

    So as far as I’m concerned, there’s nothing wrong with a father giving the mother of his child a gift, if that’s what he wants to do. Nobody has a right to tell a couple they are wrong for giving presents on occasions that mean something to the couple (anniversary of first date, wedding anniversary, etc.). Why does having a baby suddenly make it different?

    Post # 50
    Member
    2691 posts
    Sugar bee

    View original reply
    @vorpalette:  I would have to agree on that one – a vacation is wayyyyy better.

    Post # 51
    Member
    6354 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I see the concept as offensive to womankind.

    It implies strongly that “the birth of the child is not reward enough for the mother. The father should reward her (for pushing out his child) with a material object.”

    This makes me want to scream!

    And, is entirely different from a “just because” present for any reason on any day… “Honey I brought you this to cheer you up/see you smile/etc. etc.” (whether that is the day after delivery or not, it’s all good). That is truly a gift and does not have the vibe of “material compensation to the heifer for pushing out the calf.”

    What’s in a name? In this case, a lot!

    Post # 52
    Member
    1530 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Personally I dont like push presents.  My SIL got a set of aquamarine and diamond earrings as her push present.  They werent even the birthstone of their baby.  Sure, they are nice…but they could have been a christmas present.  I don’t want any present after I give birth (besides our baby)…I just want my DH to be with me and to support me. 

    Post # 53
    Member
    118 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    This first time I heard of this was when one of my college friend got a HUGE eternity ring for her “push present.” She was wearing it on her engagement ring finger and I asked where her engagement ring was. SHe was like, oh I don’t wear that anymore – It was a 15k ring (her husband told me)!!!!!!!! Oh, I don’t need to wear my 15k ring b/c now I have one that was probably 30k!! Outrageous.

     

    A gift would of course be nice, but I wouldn’t really expect it. A small piece of jewelry with the baby’s birthstone or even flowers would be appropriate.

     

    Post # 54
    Member
    1427 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2010 - parent\'s backyard

    I think it’s obnoxious if the woman expects a gift and especially if she dictates what she wants it to be. 

    I think it’s DeBeers trying to force another “tradition” down our throats. just like the diamond right hand ring for “empowered” women. barf.  

    Post # 56
    Member
    1718 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I think it’s awesome but tacky if the mother asks for it.  If you have the disposable income and want to spoil your wife, why not?

    Post # 57
    Member
    1876 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @gingerkitten:  I think the new term and trend of calling it a “push present” is quite vulgar, but the actual act of a loving man giving his precious wife a gift at the birth of their child is beautiful and sweet.  Everyone has different love languages.  For some, gift giving is an great means of expressing love and gratitude.  Jewlery is often gifted to commemorate a significant life event like a marriage, graduation, etc., and having a child is quite a significant event. People, especially wealthy ones, have given women gifts when a child is born for centuries.

    I find it unfortunate that some materialistic women have exploited this beautiful gifting occasion a bit, and I also find it unfortunate that some catty and jealous women begrudge others simply because their husbands have the means to show their affection in a lavish way. While demanding a “push present” is a tad awful, I find jealousy far worse.  To judge someone because her husband chose to commemorate the birth of their precious child with a gift, comes off as quite jealous and mean. 

    I suspect that when I have children one day that my current fiancé/ then husband will present me with a beautiful gift, as he does so for all special occasions like birthdays and holidays. I will treasure that gift and the love he lavishes upon me in the same way that I always do. If ever asked where the present came from, I will joyfully say that it is what my husband gave me to celebrate the birth of “baby” and not call it a “push present”.

    Post # 58
    Member
    10450 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2014

    I think the term “push” present is disgusting. It’s like an in your face reminder of all the yucky stuff that just happened down there. If you want to do presents, sure fine. Just don’t call it that!!

    Post # 59
    Member
    2278 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I never understood it. It just seems obnoxious.

    Post # 60
    Member
    8035 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2013

    I don’t see why it’s “awful”. I think men get off pretty damn lucky that they don’t have to get pregnant.

    The least he can do is get a little something for his wife IMO. Being pregnant is no picnic, giving birth is no picnic… etc.

    Traditionally women were given eternity bands on the birth of the first child. This isn’t some new invention.

    Yeah, obviously if the chick turns into a demanding bitch and demands something they can’t afford then it veers into tacky territory, but I don’t see the issue if this doesn’t become the case.

     

    Post # 61
    Member
    1987 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I think that the idea of carefully selected (which may or may not mean expensive) gifts, given reciprocally in honor of the bond that the partners share and will continue to share even with the entrance of the child, is a very meaningful one. 

    A big “LOOK AT WHAT I WAS ABLE TO GET THE LIL’ LADY” gift appears to be more about drawing attention to the man’s ability to give it rather than to the recipient or the moment itself.  I personally would also find a gift given in that way to be incredibly demeaning.  Furthermore, these types of ostentatious gifts, especially when tagged with a term like “push presents,” arguably commodify the occassion of a birth, which I find sad.

     

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