(Closed) SPINOFF: "push presents" – awesome or awful?

posted 7 years ago in The Lounge
  • poll: Push presents...

    Are never obnoxious! A woman should get/deserves a push present.

    Could be obnoxious if the woman asks for/specifies the gift.

    Are always obnoxious! Why do you need a gift after giving birth?

    Obligatory "Other"

  • Post # 107
    Member
    619 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2015

    After 9 months of carrying the baby and the grand finale of labor and delivery, yeah, whatever she wants… new house, car, boat, jewelry, whatever! There are men that forget birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, so I’m guessing those specifically aren’t likely to think of “push presents” on their own. So yes, if the woman wants to suggest a gift, that I call, speaking up. 😉

    Post # 108
    Member
    97 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    View original reply
    @walnutgirl:  I think I just see it as a little more than unclogging the sink.

     

    Maybe the ‘bodily function’ part is where we differ in opinion.

    I view the giving birth part as a Big Deal and something worthy of praise from your partner, where I get the feeling that for you it’s more along the lines of “well of course, I have the body parts for the mechanical part of having a child so what’s the big deal”?

    Post # 109
    Member
    366 posts
    Helper bee

    I’m pro present. I like the idea of one partner presenting the other with a gift to mark a significant accomplishment. And I consider going through months of pregnancy followed by a birth (natural or c-section) and then recovery to be an accomplishment. It’s hard!

    While both partners get the ‘gift’ of a new baby, the one who carried and birthed that baby went through a heck of a lot more to get it. What’s wrong with recognizing that extra effort with a symbol of thanks? Maybe that symbol is flowers, a day at the spa, a piece of jewellery, or a car. The giver picks a gift they can afford and that they think will please the reciever.

    In my circle, it’s common that couples mark milestones in their relationship with jewellery that coordinates with their e-ring and wedding ring (ie adding to their ‘set’ as they add to their family). So the birth of a child, especially a first child, usually results in earrings or a necklace.

    I recognize that “push present” is a weird term. But it’s also a new term (wikipedia says 1996). The tradition of marking the birth of a child with a gift to the new mother is not new – can you say baby shower?

    Post # 110
    Member
    2490 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2018

    I just think they’re unnecessary. I love presents as much as the next person but I feel as though the baby would be gift enough.. Not to mention all the money spent on a gift could be spent on the baby, or personal training lol

    Post # 111
    Member
    9948 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    The name “Push Present” is obnoxious…

    Whoever dreamed that up was insensitive to others.

    Anyhow…

    These types of presents are not new, they’ve been around for awhile

    They gained their first sense of momentum in the 1980s

    Back when I got married the first time (circa 1980), and the trend for the 3rd Ring was just becoming popular (interlocking Bridal sets) a matching band on the other side…. the Jewellery folks were advertising to complete the set either for a Milestone Anniversary, OR when you had your first baby.

    PHOTO – 1980s Bridal Set (not mine) Showing the ERing & WBand… a Matching 2nd Band would go on the opposite side to mark a Milestone Occasion in the Marriage such as the Birth of the First Child

     

    That was certainly my wish, when My Ex & I first got married.  Never happened.

    He did surprise me tho at Christmas after the birt of our first Baby with another right that featured that child’s birthstone. 

    (Lol, altho I do think it had something to do with the fact that when said baby was born he went out and bought his Mother a ring… and I distinctly remember asking… “Wait a minute, what exactly did she do during the birth ?”  But then again my Ex was like that… he always was the guy to put HIS Momma / Family first over me.  Another reason he’s the Ex)

    — — —

    Overall I think it is nice to mark the Birth of a Baby with a Gift for the Mother… if it can be afforded (Babies are expensive)

    I am sorry, but being a Mom is a lot of work… and that begins from the second you get pregnant.  Daddy-O just stands around like a proud peacock for 9 Months… while Mom-2B goes thru a lot of physical and emotional changes.

    Sure the Baby is the “reward” at the end of it all… but I still think it is touching / meaningful for the relationship if the guy recognizes the fact that Mom did something incredible.

    IMO, in the big scheme of things Moms are under-appreciated.  We may have Mother’s Day, but Breakfast in Bed one day a year hardly cuts all the hard work us gals do… there are certainly Guys who are good Dads, but in most cases it is Mom who does all “the heavy liftig” when it comes to the Kids, and makes the biggest sacrifices (like Career advancement).  This isn’t recognized enough by the Men in their lives, or their Kids.

    Kids don’t seem to get it / appreciate it until the day they actually are in the same boat…

    Lol, then you end up with a Mother’s Ring or a Gramma Ring

     

    (Which is probably WHY my Ex thought he needed to get his Mother a present when the first grandchild was born)

     

     

     

    Post # 112
    Member
    2268 posts
    Buzzing bee

    My Dad gave my Mum a very expensive Omega watch when I was born and a large gold locket on a long chunky chain when my sister was born.

    She never demanded, asked for or even suggested that he get her a gift – he decided that he wanted to buy her something special to celebrate their new baby and also wanted the gift to be something that she would eventually pass down to the children it was gifted for (I will inherit the watch and my sister the chain and locket).

    If my SO chooses to give me a gift after the birth of our first, second, third etc. child I will love it and the sentimentality behind it, but I would never suggest it – or demand (!!) – anything and if I get nothing, it wouldn’t bother me in the slightest!

    I think very little of women who demand gifts etc. from their SO’s.

    Post # 113
    Member
    941 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @gingerkitten:  I only thought this was a nice gift from the husband as in “thanks for sacraficing your lovely body, awesome vagina, all the booze should have consumed in the past 9 months, extra coffee, and sushi for this lovely little being that is both you and me”

    That’s thoughtful … at the very least! 

    but NEVER from any other person… that’s just strange.

    Post # 114
    Member
    777 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I don’t really care for the repurposing of life events into opportunities for conspicuous consumption/gift grabs in general, so I’m definitely not a fan. I just hate the idea that it is socially expected that X emotionally significant event = $Y output. It’s reductive and materialistic and cheapening, and I think it makes people less happy and more competitive. I have no problem with the idea of giving one’s significant other a thoughtful or even expensive gift to mark a special occasion if one is moved to, but I wish it wasn’t expected or customary and could just be a lovely simple gesture from the heart without all the baggage of cultural norms and expectations.

    Post # 115
    Member
    751 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    View original reply
    @Idunn:  Yes to me the big deal is actually being a good parent. Anyone with the right body parts can give birth but not everyone (sadly) is a good parent.

    I also find the idea distasteful because you don’t have to “push” to be a parent and the fact that you pushed doesn’t make you any better than a person that had a c-section or went through adoption.

     

    Post # 116
    Member
    1991 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    Well I guess I’m obnoxious and tacky, because I would love for my SO to get me a gift after giving birth.  We are not planning on having kids for a while, so I’m not sure what kind of gift would appeal to me by the time I’m actually knocked up.  But when that time comes, I’ll be dropping hints my whole pregnancy!  Granted, I will not demand something that is out of our means, and I won’t even be upset if I don’t get anything.  But I don’t see the harm in telling my SO that I want something. I suggest gifts to him for various occassions (Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries, and just because the skiy is blue!), and he is more than okay with.  

    What I personally find tacky & obnoxious, is judging the way other people celebrate milestones in their relationships!

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