(Closed) Spinoff – SAHFs?

posted 7 years ago in Money
  • poll: Stay at Home Fathers/Husbands?

    I would be totally cool with it IF I made enough money to cover our expenses.

    No way! Women should stay at home, not men!

    Really depends on the circumstances.

    My SO/FH/DH would not mind or even love to stay at home.

    There is NO WAY my SO/FH/DH would be a SAHF/SAHH!

    I cannot even picture this as a possibility.

    Cupcakes totally rock!

  • Post # 32
    Member
    104 posts
    Blushing bee

    Honestly? I’d almost prefer it if we could afford one person to stay home. 

    He’s a better cook, doesn’t mind cleaning, and has a lot more energy than me!  I think it would work perfectly.

    Post # 33
    Member
    452 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    It’s likely that this will be what happens for us – I’ll be able to support a family on my own income, and we both want to have a parent home. At that point I’ll be making much more money than he is/will be, so it makes the most sense. Neither of us have a problem with it, and I think he’ll be a great Stay-At-Home Dad.

    Post # 34
    Member
    1145 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    Him cooking, doing laundry, washing up, cleaning, dealing with the kids while I go teach elementary age kids during the day then come home and rest? Where do I sign? That would be such a great deal if teachers made big bucks to make our dreams come true!

    SO always jokes about being a Stay-At-Home Dad. He would do it. He actually has no problem with me staying home either. As a matter of fact, I have been a Stay-At-Home Mom (I was out of a job for almost a year). I do not want to go back to that.

    He is a fisherman so there are times when I am working and he is with the kids. 

    Post # 35
    Member
    2113 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    I’d be fine being the sole breadwinner, but Fiance would get INCREDIBLY board staying at home all day. He hates sitting still. I do better in those situations.

    Post # 36
    Member
    3460 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    DH would love it, particularly now before kids, and jokes about it.  I love the idea of stay at home dads, so I wouldn’t mind, under the same circumstances that I would consider staying home:

    1. We have plenty of money w/o the second income.  (Neither of us currently believes that with our current good salaries because we believe in strongly funding our retirement, so this really won’t happen.)
    2. It’s after we have kids.  (Don’t really believe in STAH/STAW, but STAD/STAM is just fine.)
    3. DH helps out in other ways around the house, by taking on the cooking, cleaning, and watching kids.  (Yeah…  So DH currently won’t do much cooking/cleaning/admin and I do it all, which would not be acceptable.  I do not want him to stay at home and then call heating up a pizza as dinner every night.  If he’s going to stay home, he’d have to make much more domestic effort – and BEFORE we take on this gamble, by finally helping out 50/50 around the house.  He says maybe he’d have more energy to cook/clean if he didn’t work, I say I’m not about to risk it.)

    So as you can see, DH hasn’t really demonstrated that this would work out beneficially for us as a whole (or me at all).  His idea is he’d take a vacation from working, rather than supporting me working for the family.  I do not find that a brilliant idea at all.

    As a side note, I also recognize that it’s problematic that DH can’t breastfeed a baby.  So one benefit to the wife staying home is how much easier it is to breastfeed.  That is obviously lost when its the husband that stays home.

    Post # 37
    Member
    8437 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    It’s not something that would work for my husband and I, but I think it’s great if it works for other couples.

    Post # 38
    Member
    1285 posts
    Bumble bee

    My Fiance stays home 2 – 3 days a week.  He works from home on those days.  He’s been staying home with my kids all summer and plans to continue during the school year….taking them to school and picking them up.  

    Post # 39
    Member
    727 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Hmm, this would make more sense in our situation because I earn more than he does (and have the potential to earn more later as well), but I don’t know if he would.  I think he likes the idea of it but I’m not sure if he understands everything that would need to be taken care of.  I currently take care of the financials and all coordination of appointments and whatnot, because that’s not his strong point.  If I’m still going to have to do all that plus cook (which I enjoy and I like my meals more than his), I would prefer he work so we have more of an income.  I’d rather hire a housekeeper.

    But!  If part-time employment were an option, I think we’d both be open to that.  Leaves time for everything without feeling like you’re missing out too much on either lifestyle.

    Post # 40
    Member
    430 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    For us, my Fiance is the one who is more established in his chosen career, whereas I haven’t even gotten my feet off the ground yet.  He will also make at least 2-3 times more than me even when I become established in my career and on his salary, we can afford for me to either stay at home or work part time.  So – if anyone is staying at home or just working part time, it will be me; but that is not because I’m a woman.

    I think that the stay-at-home / work part time / work full time debate is different for each family and individual, but I don’t think there are strict gender based rules.

    Post # 41
    Member
    2775 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    I’d be fine with my DH being a Stay-At-Home Dad if it made financial sense and if it was what he wanted.  But as it is, he makes more money than I do and I don’t think he’d want to stay home, anyway.

    Post # 42
    Member
    1299 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    View original reply
    @AB Bride:  Absolutely nothing!  My last sentence was meant to address couples who wanted one parent to stay at home.  If both parents would be miserable staying home, then neither should.  It’s best to have happy parents doing (within reason) whatever makes them happy.

    Post # 43
    Member
    507 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    My kids dad was a Stay-At-Home Dad while we were married. I made enough to support us all and he wanted to do it. 

    I would NEVER do it again. Even though I still make enough to support a family and my Fiance doesn’t need to work, I will not support him. It’s important for the health of our marriage that he work and feel he is contributing. 

    Men need to work. A lot of SAHDs end up depressed and marriages end. I was on a yahoo group with other WOHM/SAHD situations and a lot of them ended in divorce. 

    The topic ‘Spinoff – SAHFs?’ is closed to new replies.

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