(Closed) SPINOFF: Strings Attached?

posted 7 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I will require certain academic standards from my children (the specifics of those are TBD).  By academic standards, I mean maintaining grades and courseload – not withholding money based on their choice in major.

They will also have to work to obtain what scholarships they reasonably can – just because I have money saved doesn’t mean that they can waste chances to obtain money from other sources besides my bank account. (ETA: They won’t be required to win the scholarships – because who can guarentee that? – but they at least must put forth the effort and try).

They will also be expected to not waste their summers.  They will be expected to either come home and work or continue taking summer classes or obtain a summer internship related to their desired field.  No sitting around and being lazy just because it’s summer.

Post # 4
Member
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I don’t believe in strings.  (There is a lifetime of reasoning behind this.)  However, I hope I would have raised them well enough that they are responsible, well-adjusted, and reasonably motivated.

I think it is hard to set standards now, because every person/ kid and circumstance are SO different.

Post # 5
Member
2344 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I don’t believe in “strings”, as in an “or else” mentality, but we will have expectations. We will expect our children to pursue and recieve some sort of scholarship and maintain that scholarship. If they are unable to get a scholarship, they may not get to go to the school of their choice. If they lose their scholarship, they may have to help out by getting a loan or working part-time. 

We will also expect our children to be able to rationalize and defend their choice of school and degree program. We will support them in whatever they want to pursue, but they need to be able to present us with valid reasons and demonstrate passion.

I think you hit the nail on the head, cbee, that each child and situation is different and we will of course base it off of that. I would never make ultimatums because in the end, we want our children to get college degrees, even if that means they don’t perform perfectly or make mistakes along the way. But we will always have high expectations and there will be consequences of bad choices – basically our attitude on parenting in general.

Post # 6
Member
2313 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

We’ll pay for our daughter to go to school, and I may fight my husband on this in 17 years when she’s in college, but she gets one fuck-up semester and that’s it. You bring home a 1.5 GPA? You have until next semester to improve it. If it’s still a 1.5 or, God forbid, LOWER, then she’s just riding on my dime to party and waste everyone’s time and she can either take out the loans herself to pay or come home and get her head screwed on straight. I knew too many kids in college whose parents were paying their WHOLE way and they had shit GPAs and no job and switched majors every other semester. Waaaaaaste of time. 

Post # 7
Member
299 posts
Helper bee

Fiance and I have talked about this and agreed that we would have a hard time paying for a kid to get a degree in art/music/english/something that is essentially useless toward a career.  If future kid wants to study those things go right ahead, but we can’t invest in their doing that, it’s a poor financial decision.  And if it’s really important to future kid, they can double major in something useful.

I know that sounds harsh, but it’s reality.  I have often said if I was born rich, I would have studied art history.  I wasn’t, so I have an accounting degree.

Post # 8
Member
1835 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

My friend’s parents have a pretty cool rule that I’ll probably uphold as well: We’ll pay unless you fail. 

So, the parents pay for the semester at registration- but at the end if the child got anything less than “satisfactory” he/she pays for the class(es) they didn’t do so well in. 

Post # 9
Member
2889 posts
Sugar bee

We had this discussion hypothetically and realized that Darling Husband and I have different views based on our own circumstances with our paretns. My parents paid my living expenses and any fees that were not covered by scholarships (my tuition was covered by scholarships). I had a job (sometimes mroe than 1) to pay for books, fun money, sorority dues, gas/car and anything else I wanted. His parents covered everything including his car and spending money and he didn’t have a job at all aside from an internship required for his program. While we agree on not paying for a kid to fail out of college, I feel it is important to learn to balance a job and be responsible for some of your own expenses where he would like to provide everything if possible in order to allow said student to focus on gettign good grades. I just think it’s possible to do both and not realistic to expect that anyone would use the free time they have not working only to study (he also partied).

Post # 10
Member
2889 posts
Sugar bee

We had this discussion hypothetically and realized that Darling Husband and I have different views based on our own circumstances with our paretns. My parents paid my living expenses and any fees that were not covered by scholarships (my tuition was covered by scholarships). I had a job (sometimes mroe than 1) to pay for books, fun money, sorority dues, gas/car and anything else I wanted. His parents covered everything including his car and spending money and he didn’t have a job at all aside from an internship required for his program. While we agree on not paying for a kid to fail out of college, I feel it is important to learn to balance a job and be responsible for some of your own expenses where he would like to provide everything if possible in order to allow said student to focus on gettign good grades. I just think it’s possible to do both and not realistic to expect that anyone would use the free time they have not working only to study (he also partied).

ETA: I’m fine with whatever subject as long as said child realizes if they are unemployeed after graduation, I’m not planing to support them forever or pay for a second degree.

Post # 11
Member
2207 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

We will be paying our child’s entire education, but we will probably have similar stipulations to what my dad put in place for me.  Any semster I got above a 3.0, he paid for.  If I were to fall below a 3.0, I paid.  (If I got a 3.0 exactly, he paid)  It made me stay on top of it and not party to excess when he held me to it =o) 

Edit – for me it wasnt so much an ultimatum from my parents as it was a “dont even think about coasting through college.”  I graduated near the top of my class in High school and Cum Laude from college, so it wasnt that.  It just planted a seed in my mind of “oh shoot…”

Post # 12
Member
5762 posts
Bee Keeper

We had ours on the ‘4 years to graduate plan’, as we were told in the initial parent meetings at various colleges, that it was a smart thing to do. So many kids screw up in their first year away, and don’t graduate on time and extend it into 5-6 years. We also said we’d pay only for undergrad and anything after that they were on their own. We gave a monthly allowance for incidentals, but if they went through it too quickly, they were expected to get some kind of job to cover the rest. It worked great for us!

Post # 13
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

My parents didn’t have stipulations for me because I didn’t need them. Regardless of what they demanded I was going to do my best, get good grades, work part time, etc. I hope I raise my kids as well as my parents raised me that I never need to give them an ultimatum because they want to achieve for themselves and not me. 

Post # 15
Member
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

My parents paid for my tuition as long as I had all A’s and B’s.. They would let the occasional C slip in (only if it was in one of the few math classes I took.) Math isnt my subject.. but if I didnt have A’s and B’s bye bye tuition money I had to do it on my own.. therefore I just got good grades lol

Post # 16
Member
2742 posts
Sugar bee

@teaadntoast: I am an immigrant and honestly, our mentality when it comes to the arts is skewed…my dad was a theater/lit major and neither he nor my mum ever ever forced any one of us to do anything we didn’t want to. However, in my culture, there are very few ‘acceptable’ degrees. Now, I don’t care what you want to study, if you want to study English or Govt or French Lit, just have a plan, don’t study it and expect the world to fall on your lap. It would be a bit harder to get a job with a Psy BA than an MBA, that’s just the reality of the world that we live in today. Who knows how it will be for our children? FWIW, I am not paying our children’s education.

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