(Closed) Spinoff: Thank you to PARENTS that did not give a gift?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
450 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

As much as I would hate to put the pen to the paper on this one, I think I would. I would write a “Thank you for Supporting us in our time of joy” type note. Whether they deserved it or not. There might be a reason the parents didn’t give a gift, money problems etc….

Post # 4
Member
7901 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

I would’ve thanked them at the rehearsal dinner and been done with it.

Post # 5
Member
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Did they help pay for the wedding and didn’t give a gift? or nothing at all… just showed up?

Post # 6
Member
6741 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think everyone gets a thank you card.  Whether they gifted or not.

But, I probably would spend a lot less time on cards for the people who really should have gifted, but didn’t.  Like a generic “Thanks” would be sufficient, in my book. 

Post # 7
Member
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Wasn’t the thank you note developed to thank people for coming to your wedding, for sharing the moment, etc?  It’s not just to thank them for the gift.

Post # 9
Member
7901 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

@peachacid:  Actually, it is just to thank them for the gift. The reception thanks them for coming. Sending a thank you just for attending is considered a faux paus deisgned at reminding the recipient that they haven’t given you a gift yet, whether that is actually your intention or not.

Post # 10
Member
3182 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

The only person that I wrote a thank you for that didn’t give me a gift was a friend who was in the bridal party and who helped me a lot before and during the wedding.  

Post # 11
Member
14657 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I sort of feel a thank you note is an odd formality for someone as close as parents.  But with that said, I did write a Thank You for his parents, they got us a canvas painting I – probably also as a formality as well cause they asked us what we would like for a ‘wedding gift’  His parents are card people and it seemed like I should.  They’d already all flown in for the wedding and paid for the reheresal though, so I really didnt need to to spend anymore on a physical gift.  I did not write a Thank You to my parents, and they did not give a “wedding gift” to us.  They did pay for the reception and other things, and gave my husband a wedding day gift, and jewlery to me.  I really didnt expect an additional ‘wedding gift’ from my parents so the reason I didnt write the note had nothing to do with a gift.. just the strange formality.  They’d already spent over 15k on my wedding , so gift or not, it certainly would have called for a thank you note if it didnt feel odd to send one.

Post # 12
Member
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My In Laws didn’t give us a gift, per se, but they hosted an absolutely gorgeous Rehearsal Dinner, and we thanked them there for that. 

My parents gave us the coffeemaker off of our registry, and we sent them a note for that.

Post # 13
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

@pinkshoes:  Huh? Paying for your reception and other wedding related items was not a gift? Really.

Most parents have given to their children their whole lives, so THEY deserve more thanks than anyone else.

Post # 14
Member
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@mrsSonthebeach:  I did not know that!  I wonder if people who receive thank you notes “for coming” know that they are being told, “Hey you didn’t give a gift.”  It seems like the only people who know the ins and outs of the process are people getting married, and anyone who was taught proper etiquette in the 50s and 60s.

Post # 15
Member
7901 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

@ItWasntMe:  I think you are assuming a tone and attitude that is not there in the post. Helping to pay is not technically a wedding gift, but it is an appreciated gift that you formally thank parents for usually at the rehearsal dinner, not in a thank you note after the wedding.

Post # 16
Member
962 posts
Busy bee

@ItWasntMe:  I really don’t think that is what she is saying at all. I think she was saying that, in her family, it’s a little too formal to write a thank you note to your parents. 

The topic ‘Spinoff: Thank you to PARENTS that did not give a gift?’ is closed to new replies.

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