You can’t reason with a child. Even though it depends on their personality, most kids just don’t understand most things adults tell them. It’s the way it is.
I was hit once, but I don’t remember it.
I was a good kid. Very good kid. The ‘bad’ things I did included:
- locking the door when my parents left (as i was told to do) and not hearing the door ring when they came back because I had a bad fever and fell asleep – thus leading to them being locked outside and worried sick that I was dead or smth. I got yelled at beyond belief for that. My dad actually charged at me to grab me but I ran behind my mom and I remember her screaming at him. For some reason, when my mom yelled at me I just stood there and listened, ashamed, crying. When my dad did, I was afraid and would hide – he never ever touched me though.
- Getting a D on a french quiz on in 4th grade. Man, the yelling that ensued due to that.
- Walking 20 ft to the store (no street crossing required, we lived in a small neighborhood & everyone knew me) to get candy without my mom knowing. She wasn’t happy.
All these happened between the ages of 7 ~ 10, and are the only times I can remember right now. As a teenager, I was a bad – but only to myself, no one else (skipping class to hang out at home, hiding report cards). I got yelled at a lot more as a teenager, but I was always afraid of my mom. Always.
What am I now? The least violent and angry person ever. I do not get overly excited, in either extreme, about anything. I love my parents to the moon and back and would die&kill for them. My mom is the person I respect the most in the world, and she is the one I was afraid of for the majority of my life.
What I learned from my experience? I was a good kid. I listened & was very afraid to disappoint my parents. So i tried not to. My mom apologized to me some months ago about being harsh on me because “now that I work with middle school kids, I can tell you that they are little terrorists compared to you. You were an angel and I am ashamed to have raised my voice & even hit you” That broke my heart.
She tells me how parents show up to the school and demand that someone explain to them why their kid got a bad grade (he didn’t study), why his teacher kicked him out of class (he was disrupting class), and why oh why he can’t sit where he wants to sit on the bus (because he likes to bully people, so he sits away from them). This isn’t all the same person, just random cases she brings up.
These loving, non-spanking parents try to reason with their kids. And bribe them. And get into long conversations about “why you should sit in the back of the car” with an 8 year old. Are you kidding? If I ever felt the need to ask adults to explain themselves to me I would get the nastiest look from my mom which meant “We will talk later young lady”. Not spanking is one thing, but actually acting like you’re the kid’s friend is another. You are not friends. Once a child sees you as that, they will lose all respect and yes fear, and do whatever the hell they want because who are you to say anything? And what the f*** are time outs?
Spanking is not wrong, when deserved and when the child will not listen to anything (which at that point, there could be other things wrong). But then it also depends on the kid – some kids don’t look at the lesson, they look at how they were embarrassed in public. One pop on the butt does not equal punching, pinching and shaking.
One day my uncle went into the water and my grandma couldn’t find him, when she did, she saw that he was neck deep (he is a great swimmer, but that’s not the point) into the very wavy sea. She ran & yanked him out and proceeded to spank his butt, at the beach, with everyone watching. What did she say to him as he yelled at her, crying ” I hate you!!”? She said “It’s better you cry once today, than I cry for the rest of my life“.