(Closed) Spinoff: Were you spanked as a child?

posted 6 years ago in Family
  • poll: Were you spanked? How'd it work out for you?
    Yes, and thank God! : (310 votes)
    62 %
    Yes, and I'm forever resentful. : (71 votes)
    14 %
    No, but my parents kept me in check another way. : (114 votes)
    23 %
    No, and I ran amok. : (4 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 182
    Member
    9681 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @LALaw:  No. I feel it is hypocritical to tell children not to resolve anger with hitting and then for parents to turn around and hit their kids. I believe discipline and conflict resolution shouldn’t come from fear or physical abuse. I would never hit my children whether it is a light spank or not. Definitely doesn’t sit right with me.

    Post # 183
    Member
    9681 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @Moomin:  +1. It takes a lot more work, patience, and creativty to teach a child rather than beat one. I never stepped out of line because I respected my parents, not because I feared them hitting me.

    Post # 184
    Member
    307 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    I was probably spanked up until second or third grade.  It was just a few swats of the hand to my butt RIGHT after I did something particularly dumb (eg. doing something dangerous or talking back to other adults).  It didn’t happen much, either.  Usually my mom could give me the stink eye and that’d be the end of it.  Worked for me, and I thank her for it.

     

    Post # 185
    Member
    2966 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    You can’t reason with a child. Even though it depends on their personality, most kids just don’t understand most things adults tell them. It’s the way it is. 

    I was hit once, but I don’t remember it. 

    I was a good kid. Very good kid. The ‘bad’ things I did included:

    • locking the door when my parents left (as i was told to do) and not hearing the door ring when they came back because I had a bad fever and fell asleep – thus leading to them being locked outside and worried sick that I was dead or smth. I got yelled at beyond belief for that. My dad actually charged at me to grab me but I ran behind my mom and I remember her screaming at him. For some reason, when my mom yelled at me I just stood there and listened, ashamed, crying. When my dad did, I was afraid and would hide – he never ever touched me though. 
    • Getting a D on a french quiz on in 4th grade. Man, the yelling that ensued due to that. 
    • Walking 20 ft to the store (no street crossing required, we lived in a small neighborhood & everyone knew me) to get candy without my mom knowing. She wasn’t happy. 

    All these happened between the ages of 7 ~ 10, and are the only times I can remember right now. As a teenager, I was a bad – but only to myself, no one else (skipping class to hang out at home, hiding report cards). I got yelled at a lot more as a teenager, but I was always afraid of my mom. Always. 

    What am I now? The least violent and angry person ever. I do not get overly excited, in either extreme, about anything. I love my parents to the moon and back and would die&kill for them. My mom is the person I respect the most in the world, and she is the one I was afraid of for the majority of my life. 

    What I learned from my experience? I was a good kid. I listened & was very afraid to disappoint my parents. So i tried not to. My mom apologized to me some months ago about being harsh on me because “now that I work with middle school kids, I can tell you that they are little terrorists compared to you. You were an angel and I am ashamed to have raised my voice & even hit you” That broke my heart. 

    She tells me how parents show up to the school and demand that someone explain to them why their kid got a bad grade (he didn’t study), why his teacher kicked him out of class (he was disrupting class), and why oh why he can’t sit where he wants to sit on the bus (because he likes to bully people, so he sits away from them). This isn’t all the same person, just random cases she brings up. 

    These loving, non-spanking parents try to reason with their kids. And bribe them. And get into long conversations about “why you should sit in the back of the car” with an 8 year old. Are you kidding? If I ever felt the need to ask adults to explain themselves to me I would get the nastiest look from my mom which meant “We will talk later young lady”. Not spanking is one thing, but actually acting like you’re the kid’s friend is another. You are not friends. Once a child sees you as that, they will lose all respect and yes fear, and do whatever the hell they want because who are you to say anything? And what the f*** are time outs? 

    Sigh. 

    Spanking is not wrong, when deserved and when the child will not listen to anything (which at that point, there could be other things wrong). But then it also depends on the kid – some kids don’t look at the lesson, they look at how they were embarrassed in public. One pop on the butt does not equal punching, pinching and shaking. 

    One day my uncle went into the water and my grandma couldn’t find him, when she did, she saw that he was neck deep (he is a great swimmer, but that’s not the point) into the very wavy sea. She ran & yanked him out and proceeded to spank his butt, at the beach, with everyone watching. What did she say to him as he yelled at her, crying ” I hate you!!”? She said “It’s better you cry once today, than I cry for the rest of my life“. 

    Post # 186
    Member
    3419 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

    Were you spanked?  Yes, with the belt and an open hand.

    If so, until what age? My dad would disapline me until about Middle school, then my mom took over until I was 17. I remember that 17th beating really well.

    How did it affect you, if at all? I feel it taught me respect and there are consequences for my actions. 

    Would you do it to your kids? Yes, within reason.

    If not, how were you disciplined when you were young? My sister wasn’t beat while I was. I say my sister ran a muck when she was going through adolesence. She could have used it. But once my mom made her kneel on rice for about 2 hours. They’d also take away our internet, which really worked. Timeouts are BS and I don’t believe in them.

    Did it work? Did what work? the spankings? Hell yeah! The fear of God, I tell you!

    What do you think of spanking? Kids are always testing their limits, especially with their parents. If they feel they can walk all over you then they will, and like anyone else, they should be put in their place.

    Post # 187
    Member
    7062 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Yes, most definitely I was spanked and I’m no worse for the wear. My parents didn’t “beat” me, and I never feared them, but I had fear of my consequenes. My brother and I were both curious kids and a little sneaky. We grew up with the kind of freedom that kids who live in small towns get. Both sets of grandparents lived on farms, and so we were used to having free run to go and explore/play outside. We most certainly got into trouble, and when it was something bad, we got spanked. It wasn’t often, but it was enough for us to know that we didn’t want to be spanked and we thought twice about what we were doing. Also, “going to your room” was NOT a punishment. We had toys, books, etc in our rooms. Plus, I’d just take a nap. 

    Unfortunately, I feel like we as a society are raising spoiled, entitled kids. Kids have no parenting, discipline, or rules. Apparently everything these days thinks that spanking, rules, and guidlines means kids are being “oppressed”. Please. I’m so sick of seeing kids these days who think rules don’t apply to them. Case in point – the thread about the girl who was not allowed at prom because SHE BROKE THE RULES AND WORE A DRESS THAT WAS AGAINST GUIDELINES. Half the people in that thread said she was being discrimiated against because she had big boobs. OMG, seriously? In the REAL world, you don’t get to do and wear whatever you want because as a society we have rules. We have rules about drinking, drugs, driving, every workplace has rules, etc.  How does it show your kids anything good when you run to the media to cry discrimination towards your kid who BROKE THE RULES.

    And entitled? Yes absolutely. It seems like no one these days values hard work. There was time when you came out of college working a crap entry level job for hardly any pay….because that’s how it was. These days kids leave college and expect a job making $50,000/year.  

    Post # 188
    Member
    134 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I voted No! I truly believe it’s absurd to spank / hit your own child. I was a good kid, and I knew by the look my momma gave me that it was time for me to shut up and be a good girl again.

    Now that I have my own daughter I couldnt imagine spanking or hitting her, she is a child! She needs to be talked to, explained why she can’t do A or B, and IMO she needs the chance to be wild and recless in the controlled enviroment of our house. I don’t believe any fysical punishment can ever be undone in the eyes of a child.

    Also, I was never spanked or anything like that and I turned out pretty good, if I say so myself. I’m from Holland and also spanking is pretty much frowned upon around here, thank goodness!

    Post # 189
    Member
    567 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I wasn’t spanked, but I respected my parents and rarely got into trouble. When I did something stupid I’d be punished (grounded, took away computer, etc) but mostly I just felt shitty for disappointing them. I definitely was not spoiled. My parents kept me on a tight leash, but without spanking. I dont’ think there’s ever a reason to resort to spanking.

    Post # 190
    Member
    1161 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Yes I was spanked and I have a lot of respect for my parents for disciplining us this way. It wasn’t a common thing for me because I had a lot of reverence for my parents and I was a very obedient child in general. I wasn’t scared of them, I just respected their rules. And it didn’t do a dang thing to me “psychologically” as some people love to say. My parents never spanked us out of their own anger and trying to take it out on us…rather, they did it as a means to let us know 1. there are consequences to our actions, and 2. they love us and didn’t want us to continue wrong behaviors. 

    Also the kids I knew whose parents didn’t believe in spanking were all some bad a$$ kids who basically ran their parents. I can’t stand that! I plan on treating spanking the same way my parents did…not necessarily the main form of discipline, but my kids will know if they cross the line there’s a possibility they may get tapped.

    Post # 191
    Member
    1782 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    My mother spanked me as a child and I am forever resentful, even to this day. My dad never laid a hand on me and I love him to death; I’m a total daddy’s girl. I love my mom, but we are not close and I have a hard time forgiving her for how she treated me as a child, I felt like she turned her back on me, and I was scared of her. I will never spank my future children; I will find other ways to discipline my children that doesn’t involve physical harm.

    Post # 192
    Member
    892 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    I don’t remember at what age the threat of spanking disspated but I do remember my mom carrying a wooden spoon with her int he grocery store to threaten me with if I misbehaved. The few times I did get spanked was actually with an apple tree switch that I had to go pick out myself. That was with all of the cousins. Sure kept us in line.

    I don’t believe in publicly spanking your children but that threat of when you get home – whooo boy, that should keep them in line.

    Post # 193
    Member
    445 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I was never spanked. I was a good kid and my mom spoke to me about right and wrong. I think spanking is rediclous. What are you teaching your child? Dont hit unless someone doesnt do what you want? My cousin who I lived with, was spanked. It was pointless, she would look back at her mom and say “that doesn’t hurt!” I can’t imagine a practice that teaches my children that if they mess up I will hurt them. It is not something that will be allowed in my household.

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