(Closed) Spinoff: Were you spanked as a child?

posted 9 years ago in Family
  • poll: Were you spanked? How'd it work out for you?

    Yes, and thank God!

    Yes, and I'm forever resentful.

    No, but my parents kept me in check another way.

    No, and I ran amok.

  • Post # 108
    Member
    777 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Were you spanked?  Yes, I was spanked before

    If so, until what age? I wasn’t spanked until I was around 12+ years old, and it was at the insistence if not the hand of my former stepmother.

    How did it affect you, if at all? I hated it, resented it, and believed it was uncalled for, as I was not the type of child that would purposely go against my parents’ word.

    Would you do it to your kids? I would not do it unless I felt there was absolutely no other recourse, having tried non-violent methods before.

    If not, how were you disciplined when you were young? My parents normally just had to talk to me to explain how disappointed they were, such as me making poor grades, etc. My former stepmother came into the picture and inherited a willful, disobedient teenager (my older brother) and me. Her reasoning behind spanking me or demanding my father spank me was to somehow prevent me from turning out like my brother. She would spank me for something as insignificant as finding a scrap of paper in my backpack that she assumed was a note written to a friend.

    Did it work? Considering the litany of reasons she would come up with to have me spanked, I don’t think so. I was well aware of my brother’s bad behavior and did NOT want to follow in those footsteps, so her assumption that I was going to ‘turn out just like he did’ was ludicrous.

    What do you think of spanking? See above answers

     

     

     

    Post # 109
    Member
    697 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @mrswestcoast:  +1  Thanks for the article.

    Without attesting to my own past, I do have a child.  He does not get spanked.  He gets timeouts, or toys taken away, or no dinner/dessert, or going to bed early, etc.  We discuss what he did was bad, why it was bad, and why he shouldn’t do it again.  Repeat offenses, get longer timeouts or more severe consequences, and we go through the routine all over again.  But under no circumstances do we spank him.  Maybe we haven’t hit the breaking point yet, but unless he’s hitting me or committing a crime, I would never lay a hand on him.

    Post # 110
    Member
    1075 posts
    Bumble bee

    calling people disgusting is nt an appropriate way to get ur point across… I cn see this thread going in the wrong direction If we r nt careful in our words of choice.Keep ur opinions as non judgemental but as subjective opinions from different countries, traditions and cultures. 

     

    Post # 111
    Member
    1001 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I was spanked maybe three or four times. My parents reserved it for when I was doing something actually unsafe eg. about to run onto the road or mucking around in the water. It did shock me and taught me never to do it again, because at the time I was too young to understand the logic of “if you run onto the road you could get hit by a car”. I would probably do the same with my kids under those circumstances.

    Fiance used to get hit with a wooden spoon basically every time he got in trouble and used to have to retrieve the wooden spoon himself…I do NOT agree with that one.

    Post # 112
    Member
    762 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    Were you spanked?  Hell yes.

    If so, until what age? I was spanked a few times when I was younger, and slapped a few times when I was older (teen).

    How did it affect you, if at all? I can’t remember getting spanked, but I remember my sisters getting spanked and I remember NEVER wanting to get spanked because of it. When my mom started slapping me across the face, it taught me how to stand up to her. I took it and just bore it because I had too much respect for adults to hit her back EVER.

    Would you do it to your kids? Depends on the kid. I teach high school and there are some days a swift punt would feel real nice… just kidding. Fiance and I have talked about this and we are on opposites sides. I’m pro spanking if needed. He’s anti on all accounts.

    If not, how were you disciplined when you were young? We had a lot of yelling and heaping doses of Mexican/Catholic guilt which has turned me into a semi-pussy.

    Did it work? No, I am a push-over when it comes to SPEAKING to me. I have a horrible guilt complex with mangled self-esteem. From WORDS. Not ACTIONS.

    What do you think of spanking?
    It’s not for everyone.

     
    BASICALLY:

    Post # 113
    Member
    849 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Were you spanked? 

    Yes, but not excessively or even more than a handful of times that I can remember. And it was more of a quick, firm swat than a beating or anything like that. Never in public, and it stopped me from whatever I was doing.

    If so, until what age? How did it affect you, if at all? Would you do it to your kids?
    I don’t recall getting spanked anytime past the second grade. I don’t think it affected me, other than that I stopped doing whatever it was I was doing. Will I spank my kids (I don’t have any)? I don’t know. If time-outs don’t work, then a quick swat maybe, but used sparingly.

    Post # 114
    Member
    2198 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I was spanked as a child but only for major things…but I never got told off any other way so I guess when I was bad it was always major. Even though I was spanked, Im not sure that I would do it to my own children because working with children I have obviously learnt alternative ways to deal with bad behaviour. 

    Post # 115
    Member
    1001 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @JackiBean:  I totally agree on the words vs actions thing. I don’t have very clear memories of being spanked or feeling upset as a result. However, I have VERY clear memories of the times my parents called me selfish or said I was a disappointment. That hurt much worse than an occasional spank.

    Post # 116
    Member
    6375 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

    I was smacked as a child. I don’t mean that I was beaten, or that I was ever hit in anger, just that if other punishments failed to work, I would receive one or two slaps on my backside. This only happened when I was very young, and would always be preceeded by a warning, and followed by an explanation of why I had been punished. Older children respond better to alternative punishments because they have a better capacity for reason, and “let the punishment fit the crime” is very effective on older children. Younger children respond better to carrot and stick. I suppose I would have been smacked until I was about five? It was very effective, didn’t do me any harm, and I would do it to my own children. Fiance had the same experience and feels the same.

    I second PP: I was not afraid of my parents, it stopped me behaving badly, it was only used as a last resort when words failed, and it did me no lasting harm whatsoever.

    I have also met so many completely out of control children who, quite frankly, deserve a slap. Two stories…

    – When my cousin was a child, he started hitting and biting his mother, and using foul language. Nothing worked, and they refused to slap him. Finally, our two families were out one day and he started to bite his mother. She was already covered in bruises and cuts. She tried to make him stop, but couldn’t. Finally, my father told him to stop and tried to discipline him by taking toys etc. He eventually swore and spat at my father. My father then picked him up calmly, and proceeded to administer such a beating, and with such cold control, that the rest of us were horrified. That said, my cousin never hit, bit, or scratched anyone ever again, and has a great relationship with my father now. I would say that the only problem was that it should never have got to that stage… he should have been disciplined before, and if taking toys and time outs don’t work, but slapping does… well…

    – I can remember being in the airport and seeing a mother with four children. Very middle class. These kids were running around and shoving their hands into the moving parts of the conveyer belt, and all she could say was “Tarquin, don’t do that, please”. “Sasha, you’ll lose a gold star”. “You won’t have ice cream when you get home!” She put them in time out on the luggage trolley… they’d just run off. And what they were doing was dangerous. I hope that I am never in that situation, because I hope I can impose discipline upon my children before something like this happens, but if I’d have been her, I would have tried a few non-physical punishments first. If they had failed, and the kids were in danger, I would have grabbed the nearest badly behaving child, slapped them, sat them on the luggage trolley and told them that if they moved, I would really make them sorry. Then I would have done the same to each of the others in turn until they started acting in a way which wouldn’t lose them each a finger.

    I am completely unrepentant about this. I don’t think it encourages aggression, and if anyone intervened in my child rearing practises then I would give them a few choice words about minding their own business. “Reasonable chastisement of a child” is permitted under UK law, and it includes smacking.

    Post # 117
    Member
    6375 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

    @j_jaye:  ” The swing in attitude over spanking could explain why a lot of kids now show  very little respect towards elders, their parents, their teachers, strangers and  their peers.”

    +1

    View original reply
    @Bebealways:  “Done angrily, without restraint, it creates those problems people talk about  – resentment, anger, the idea that hitting people is okay.

    But used very sparingly, completely calm and removed from the situation, as  if you don’t WANT to do it, but it simply must happen now just as what goes up  must come down, I think it works.”

    Absolutely. Children must learn that all actions have consequences, and if the child does not respond to other, non-physical, methods of punishment then this is what has to happen.

    View original reply
    @michiru4ever:  “IMO the more important thing to worry about is promoting self esteem without  creating narcisists.”

    +1. I fear for the future… many kids have a huge sense of entitlement and think they can do what they like without putting in the work.

    Post # 118
    Member
    36 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    @LALaw:  

     

    Were you spanked? 
    No, and my parents were stongly against it. 

     

    If not, how were you disciplined when you were young? Did it work?
    My parents consfiscated toys & games, or didn’t give me any dessert. It most certainly worked, and both my siblings & I were respectful and well-behaved children.

     

    What do you think of spanking?
    I think it had its place a long time ago, but every parent I know who spanks their child does so out of complete lack of tolerance or self-control. They are the same parents who throw tantrums themselves, and I have seen their children grow up and act the same. Basically, I have no respect for it. I think there are more constructive ways of disciplining children.

     

    Post # 120
    Member
    6386 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Were you spanked?  Yep (very traditional chinese parents)

    If so, until what age?  until I left the house (into my teens)

    How did it affect you, if at all?   It made me resent my parents even more.

    Would you do it to your kids?  I’m never having kids, but if I did, I would spank them only as a last resort (set rules, give warnings, then spank only if necessary).

    how were you disciplined when you were young?   My dad would hit me after my parents got into a fight with each other, or if I didn’t understand a word in Mandarin (yeah my dad hit me for that when I was 8).  They had other punishments too like kneeling on rice on a hardwood floor.  Funny thing about the “not understanding a word” incident is after it all happened, I told my dad to remember how he was treating me because when he was old and sick, I wouldn’t be there for him.  He got leukemia a few years ago and died, I never went to see him and I don’t regret it for one bit.

    Did it work?  Haha, no.  Far from it in fact, it just made me respect my parents less and less.  I started running away from home at age 12 and staying out for weeks on end.  I am also incredibly cold to my parents and I have little to no real sympathy for others.

    What do you think of spanking?  I think it can be a useful tool, however, in the hands of abusive/negligent parents, it can turn you children into mad men.  When I was in 2nd grade, and my teacher asked me what I wanted to be, I told her “serial killer” lol.  Spanking is something that should be used as a last resort, and used sparingly.  You will get far better results with positive reinforcement.

    Post # 121
    Member
    1580 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    I can’t remember being spanked except once, when I was 3 or 4, when my dad lost his cool with me over something quite silly that I did and he slapped me. I’ll never forget how shocked and humiliated I felt. The sting in my cheek went away in a second but my mom told me, years later, that I refused to speak to, or even look at my dad for days. He was so sorry he did it too, he was stressed out and lost his patience. 

    I was a really well-behaved child though so my parents didn’t need to do much to keep me in check. Telling me off usually did the trick. But I don’t suppose that this works for all children…  

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