(Closed) spinoff: What are your rules for disagreements?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

we have never had to set “rules” because we are both adults and its not OK to yell, scream, name call, be hurtful in any friendship/relationship (work, family etc) – thats destructive. we have disagreements but manage to talk it out so each other is heard

Post # 5
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

ah – my problem is that i can be more moody with him than i am with the people i work with so this year my thing has been to change my behaviours as its not fair to him to treat almost strangers nicer than i treat the person im suppose to love

him…hes pretty much perfect personality wise, a much better husband than i am a wife i admit

Post # 6
Member
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

We don’t really have rules. We try to respect each other… but that’s not always possible in the moment (possible maybe, but we don’t want to). Anyway, my own rule is after a while just leave me alone so I can think about things and be by myself. We can talk about it before we go to sleep or in a few minutes… but sometimes talking/arguing about it is not working in the moment. His rule is usually after arguing he starts teasing me and acting like it never happened… it pisses me off… but eventually we get through it and realize how stupid we were acting.

Post # 8
Member
2701 posts
Sugar bee

We never raise our voices and talk things through until we find a solution or compromise. We don’t argue, neither of us gets worked up enough to call it an argument.

Post # 9
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

If thinga are ever getting out of hand,and talking it through just isnt working, I have a rule that he has to let me leave the room, slam a few doors so I can blow off some steam and have 10 minutes on my own so I can sort things out in my head. I come back and I can work things through much more rationally and reasonably.

My Fiance doesnt have any rules really, he can argue the toss forever and a day and just keep going!

Post # 10
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

The only real “rule” we have is to never go to bed angry. I don’t follow this as well as my SO because I tend to want to walk off and sulk, but he’s really good about convincing me to talk and make it better so we can spend the night in each others arms.

Post # 11
Member
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

We have to work it out before bed/ parting ways.  Otherwise, just cool it and sort of.. forgive right then until we have a chance to talk/ work it out.  We always trust we have a commitment to one another, and that sort of… helps us maintain our cool, so-to-say.  Also, we can yell, we are human, but not if it is making the other person upset/ not if it is out of control.  More like- if it is expressing yourself (DH yells when he means something- it is different from yelling AT someone-if that makes sense).  I have learned to stay sort of calm and remember that he and I both have good intentions.  That sort of security helps us stay calm.

Post # 12
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee

We’ve never set rules just because, well, we don’t argue/get into disagreements that merit “rules.”  We’re both pretty easy going and agree on most things. Makes life easier.

Post # 13
Member
968 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Hmmm..

I guess the only “rules” we have are

– don’t interrupt/let the other finish what they have to say (sometimes we both have a tendency to jump in the middle of what the other is saying, so we make a conscious effort to control it)

– no name calling or cursing (if it’s a heated topic)

– really consider the other’s point of view

We don’t have many arguments at all, but there are always some here or there. We just try to be as honest, respectful, understanding and reasonable as possible.

Post # 14
Member
968 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Double post

Post # 15
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

We have never really set ground rules but I feel like there are things we both do out of respect. Like we never ever call each other names or insult the other person. We try not to raise our voices. We don’t stop talking until the problem is solved. I think the longer we’re together the more productive and short our fights are getting. We learn each others’ irrational responses and how to best handle them. Like I can always tell if there comes a point in an argument where my husband realizes he’s wrong but just is digging in because he doesn’t want to lose. I used to just keep fighting with him to prove I was right. Now if I feel like he actually “gets it” I just back away from the whole thing and try to frame it like “okay at this point nothing can be done about that so lets not talk about it anymore but can we both agree that in the future we’ll _____” and the situation is resolved. 

Post # 16
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Our rules are:

– not to use infinitives (Always, Never etc. because they are never true and always an exaggeration)

– no name calling or swearing

– not to tell the other person what they are doing or feeling; but, to only talk about your own feelings

The topic ‘spinoff: What are your rules for disagreements?’ is closed to new replies.

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