Post # 1
As I’m getting older, I find that maintaining friendships comes less automatically to me. I value them just as much or more than before, but life seems busier now and when you don’t work or go to school with someone, spending time together requires more forethought.
Lately I’ve been noticing that my plans with my closest friend are getting more “date-like”. We have to plan something quite specific to do. It is often something a little fancy. It is often something a little expensive. We tend to take turns planning the next friend-date.
These friend-dates are fun… I don’t want to stop doing those things with her, but they are necessarily sort of infrequent, and I miss just being able to hang out doing nothing in particular chatting about recent events in our lives. Gone are the days when we would sit on the couch at one of our parents’ houses in front of the TV, moaning about teachers and boys.
Can you relate? What kinds of things do you do with your friends?
Post # 3
We all work downtown in this city so we usually have lunch, drinks after work, something like that. And maybe a get-together at someone’s house occasionally.
Post # 4
This is so true. I only hang out with my friends if we have something to do. She is getting married and i’m her Maid/Matron of Honor so i’ll help her do stuff but we don’t just hang out for no reason. Then again, I don’t really want to. I want to hang out with my husband when I have free time.
Post # 5
@joya_aspera: Yeah, I can totally relate. I don’t really have any spontaneity in my friendships anymore.
One friend I can be somewhat spontaneous with – we live/work close to each other, so when it’s not winter (brr) we go for walks at lunch or after work. I’ve been getting a strange vibe from her lately, though.. like I will suggest something and it never happens. It seems like when we were both single we’d hang out a lot more, but since I’ve been with my SO, she has been less keen on hanging out. I know she’s ready to settle down and she has hinted she’d love to do double dates with us, so I am not sure exactly why she is acting this way or I’m just reading too much into it!
My best friend and I usually plan stuff pretty far in advance.. like at least a week. We live a 30 min drive away from each other so we usually make it count… like do dinner and then hang out at my place or hers for a few hours.
I’ll grab coffee w. the coworkers I’m friendly with, and do the odd thing outside of work with them.
Post # 6
My two closest girlfriends live in other states, so we see each other VERY infrequently. One of them is from my hometown and her family still lives here, so when she comes home to visit her dad usually has a cookout and she invites us over. We just hang out on the porch and catch up and eat good food. It is very chill and relaxing, nothing fancy.
My other friend grew up on the other side of the state so when we want to see each other I generally have to go to where she is. I don’t mind doing this because it gives me a break from being mommy/wife-to-be (love my family but I’m still a young woman and want to do fun partying things occasionally, dangit). Those tend to be fancier visits with lots of expensive restaurants and clubbing in the city, but they only happen about once a year.
I have one girl here at home I hang out with about once or twice a week. She has a dog so we set up doggy playdates at her house. I’ll bring my daughter along and we’ll set her up on the couch with a Disney movie and then sit in the kitchen and have coffee and talk while the dogs bring the house down around us, haha.
So yeah, generally pretty casual dates unless I’m going out of town. They do all have to be planned and scheduled in advance, though. I kind of miss just being able to call up my friends randomly and say, “Hey, want to hang out right now?” Now that we’re all grown up and have schedules and responsibilities, friendship is a thing that has to be penciled in well in advance. It sucks, but it could be worse. I had a time period where I had absolutely no one to hang out with at all and it sucked. I was very lonely. I’ll take scheduled friend-time over no friend-time at all any day 🙂
Post # 7
when I lived closer to my friends we’d do an in home movie night or I’d say “Hey *insert favorite show you have in common* is on tonight! We should totally watch together” I also used to live a bike ride from the beach 🙁 so we’d hit the beach up if we weren’t busy and it wasn’t raining. Other things included walking around the mall, at home facial night, double dates with my hubs and their SO, bowling, and just drinks!
Post # 8
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
My bff and I just hang out on my couch and watch TV on DVD and drink wine. It’s cheap and effective lol.
Post # 9
We do double date night so the guys have someone to talk to. We also try and plan a scapbook day every once in a while. Otheriwse it is difficult to get together, and we just talk as much as possible.
Post # 10
Ugh! yes! actually just this weekend there is a girls dinner planned. It took so much work getting everyone together on one night. No joke, just a few months ago we all saw each other every saturday night without fail. Couples non couples, everyone. But seriously EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US has had such life changes in the last few months, relationships started, some ended, there were job changes all over the place, peoples work hours shifted, one friend is pregnant, its just a really crazy time. We all seem to align during summer months though, it works out that way. Either way, this dinner this weekend is something we are all super excited for
Post # 11
Ugh, I can definitely relate! I haven’t had a girlfriend for maybe 8 years now and my husband’s new job (starts in August full-time) will require him to be away from me A LOT.
I am hoping to make a friend this summer, after my husband and I buy a house and get a dog. I know a few women who I used to go to school with that just recently got puppies so I may initiate doggy-dates. Besides walking our dogs together, I am kind of at a loss of what to do, too! Adult friendships feel so foreign to me!
Post # 12
I definitely don’t have a BFF right now. There is one girl I hang out with that could be, but she has a gazillion friends so I don’t think it’s mutual!
But she and I go to lunch 1x a week. Sometimes she and her man along with us will double date and go to dinner.
I will also go skiing, mountainbiking or hiking with her (season dependent).
Tonight, some ladies that usually go out for drinks 1x month – we’re all going to Zumba together to pretend like we’re “going out dancing” since nothing like that exists in our town anyway! I am very excited for it! I’ve done Zumba, but not with a bunch of people I know.
Post # 13
i have found that to be true with some of my friends, especially as we get more busy and we have husbands at home and we live farther apart. But I do make an effort to keep things casual as much as possible. I still have a few friends who I invite over with no plan. And we make food or order food, watch a movie or just channel surf, and just hang out.
Have you tried just inviting her over and seeing what happens?
Post # 14
Well, depends on the friend group. I have many “groups” of friends that I hang out with since I moved away from my home town.
My best friend is getting married, so we usually do things related to that (bridal expos, go to lunch and talk plans, etc).
The group of ladies I hang with here have a monthly girls night where we all go to one person’s house and the host cooks dinner. I love these nights! Mine is actually next week. We all just catch up on our crazy busy lives.
Then my school friends usually meet me for breakfast, lunch, or walks along the river (we have an awesome river trail in town).
Some of us go on runs together too =)
I hate that almost all of our meetings involve food, though. I wish I could change that! Luckily with the new year most of us have vowed to lose weight, so that is getting easier. =)
Post # 15
Ughhh even though some of my closest friends are people I work with, it’s still hard to get together, and I see them almost every day!
Post # 16
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rosehill Community Center
I feel super lucky with my friends. My college friends and I used to be really good about doing a dinner once a month and just chatting, just the 4 of us, but now two of us are planning a wedding, and the other two are MOHs in one or the other, and I live an hour away from the closest of them, so it’s been a lot harder lately. But we really need to pick that back up! I do get to see my best friend/MOH (from this group) a lot lately, since I’ve forced her to come to like, 5 wedding dress appointments…
I also have a great group of ladies (and their husbands) that were friends of my Fiance (kind of, its amazing how we just kind of formed a group right about when I met my FI) and we get together a lot! The boys decided to do a poker night each month, so we decided we’d have a ladies night each month (the boys don’t even meet for poker anymore!). Then we also formed a book club that meets monthly. That has been so much fun, and a great excuse to get together and just chat and stuff.
I think the best thing for both groups is that we have a facebook “group” or “page” or something where we can post things. We all bought groupons for a painting class thing, and have to decide when to go, so we can post there and figure it out. One of our friends is a doodle master, so she makes doodles for almost everything, and it is SO HELPFUL! If you have any scheduling difficulties, definitely use doodle.com to sort things out!