(Closed) SPINOFF: What if your guy was bi?

posted 7 years ago in Intimacy
  • poll: How would you react?

    I'd be totally ok with it, nothing would change.

    It might change things a bit, but we'd work through it

    A lot would change, I don't know if it would still work.

    Everything would change, we could not work through it

    Other

  • Post # 182
    Member
    25 posts
    Newbee

    @HonoraryNerd:  personally I dont think I could handle my guy being “bi” Im not saying I would end it right then and there but most likely we would end up breaking up. i cant picture my man with another man and im not at all homophobic or anything but if i started the relationship under the pretense he was straight, it should remain that way. i never would have gotten with my SO if I knew otherwise.

    sure other ladies maybe okay with it , but not me. just the thought of him with a man would be hard to stomach.. and would raise a lot of questions for me. now if he remained faithful and never acted on this supposed feelings for a man then maybe we would figure somethin out but if he blatantly wanted to be with a man (sexually) while with me, its a no go. he is gone. faster then I could spell GONE

    Post # 183
    Member
    781 posts
    Busy bee

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    @Rachel631: 

    “But in this scenario then you are already attracted to your partner. It’s not like you say “meh, I’ve never been with a bisexual man because I just don’t think they’re as hot”. You have already, by definition, been attracted to, and begun a relationship with, a man who is bisexual, for OP’s question to be relevant.”

    Certain situations can arise that would cause a person to lose attraction they once had. One example would be in a previous thread where a devastated bee had discovered on their honeymoon that her husband could only have a bowel movement if wearing a diaper. She was (understandingly) very upset. She was considering an annulment because she immediately lost any attraction to her husband. 

    I completely understand her point, and it’s exactly how *I* would feel if *my* SO said he was bisexual. I’m not asking people to agree with me, and I applaud anyone who would be able to work through it. It just wouldn’t work for me, plain and simple. 

     

     
     

    Post # 184
    Member
    8482 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2014

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    @Future_Mrs_Dr_I:  No, its a “the way you worded your first comment sounded very homophobic and rude” thing. And yes, by claiming that it was unnatural, you did in fact ‘attack’ people. You can that you didnt say it all you want, but the fact is, your boyfriend said it, and you agreed with him.

    Post # 185
    Member
    4045 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    Wow, it makes me so sad that about 50% of the Hive don’t think they could work through it. Really? I guess we still have a lot of progress to make in this world…

    I understand the shock after being with someone for years and just learning this. I understand feeling like you’ve been lied to. But other than that, I cannot comprehend what the issue would be.

    Sad sad sad.

    Post # 186
    Member
    9124 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

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    @allyfally:  *high five!*

    Post # 187
    Member
    7976 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

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    @Future_Mrs_Dr_I:  Hmmm… this is totally not something I understand. As far as the adult diaper thing goes, that’s pretty shocking, but I’m not so sure it would kill everything completely for me either. I’ve seen poor DH pass out on the toilet whilst puking and pooing at the same time due to norovirus, and had to clean him up before the ambulance crew arrived. He’s also puked all over me when he had stomach flu before.

    I mean, even if DH did something really repugnant… like sleeping with a child prostitute, or something, I would still be attracted. I would hate myself for being attracted. I would leave. I would file for divorce. But love and attraction take time to be switched on and off.

    You also have to ask… what was the real trigger for the loss of attraction? In the diaper case, it would have to be notions of personal care and hygiene. In this case, internalised views of sexuality. Those views require some probing… I think they are, at least in part, because Western society idolises penises.

    – If you put your penis inside a vagina, you are a man.

    – If you put your penis inside lots of vaginas, you are a worthy man.

    – If you have a penis inserted inside you, you are a woman/weak/effeminate.

    – If you have lots of penises inserted inside you, you are an unworthy effeminate.

    You see it in some gay circles as well… the top is the “man” and the bottom is the “woman”. Kind of messed up.

    Post # 188
    Member
    9124 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

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    @Arshim:  there are also plenty of atheist threads where a bunch of women are like “Cool, but just so you know, you’re going to burn in Hell for all of eternity…” Why do conservatives always make themselves out to be such martyrs? It goes both ways. 

    Post # 189
    Member
    781 posts
    Busy bee

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    @allyfally:  Lol, we’ve already been through this. We are going to have to agree to disagree. It’s a matter of opinion on a scenario that will likely never happen to most of us. My opinion is that it wouldn’t fly. What I chose to allow in my bedroom is none of your business. 

    Post # 190
    Member
    1719 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    I don’t think my marriage could work becasue I would feel like our relationship would change and I like the way it is now.  I would definitely try to make it work and get passed it but I just don’t know.  I am a very accepting person because quit frankly I don’t care what people do as long as it doesn’t affect me. I really don’t care what people do in their own lives and I think everyone should be able to marry whoever the hell they want.  But if my Fiance were bi it would affect me and I would have to try to get passed that so that our marriage could go on and I’m not sure I could.  What people accept and support is very different from what they want in their bedroom and marriage.  Just because I support the LGBT community doesn’t mean I have to be a part of it.

    Post # 191
    Member
    781 posts
    Busy bee

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    @Rachel631:  You make some great (and funny) points. I don’t think the diaper issue would only be a hygiene thing for me though. It would also be that it is plain weird and it would disgust me. Also, I would think that it went deeper than what this guy was saying. Adult diapers can be a sexual fetish, and I am willing to bet that is part of the reason in this case.

    Post # 192
    Member
    4045 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

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    @lolot:  +1000

    And I can certainly respect others’ rights to believe what they believe, but I can still think those beliefs are stupid.

    Post # 193
    Member
    10450 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2014

    I honestly don’t know. I have nothing against gay people and I know it’s not a choice, but it would be such a shock to hear that from my fiancé. I don’t think anyone can really answer that kind of question unless you’re in that situation. I’d like to think it would be ok (as long as he didn’t act on it, cheat, etc) but who knows? 

    Post # 194
    Member
    7976 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

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    @Future_Mrs_Dr_I:  Hmm… well I still don’t think it explains an instant loss of attraction. Plus, sometimes people are a bit weird. I don’t think that means it’s the end, necessarily.

    I would be pissed off if someone had a fetish which was a major part of their life and concealed it from me, though.

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    @bowsergirl: 
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    @lolot:  Neither is OK. I do have to say though… when I critique the “you’re going to hell” stuff, which I do (regularly), I always feel that I have the support of the hive. When I critique the “religion is stupid, and you are a brain damaged moron” hypothesis, it’s frequently so quiet that I can practically hear the tumbleweed blowing behind me. It’s the same in my everyday life, as well.

    The left (and most bees are left wing… I am no exception) has its own stereotypes and problems which require addressing. I don’t know… maybe the general attitude is “once we get closer to having an ideal society, then we can examine some of our cherished assumptions more closely”. But I’m not so sure that is good enough, especially if we want to retain the moral high ground.

    Thinking of some of my fieldwork experiences with anarchists right now… some of them are really jaw-dropping…

    Post # 195
    Member
    2852 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

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    @peachacid:  I’d like to give the benefit of the doubt and think that the Bees who are mentioning threesomes might be saying this because having a threesome (with their SO and another man) is something they have wanted, and if their SO came out as bi, the threesome would be a possibility.  I don’t think it’s necessarily an assumption that bisexuals are more promiscious, I think it’s just that it would open doors that were previously closed. (although I could be wrong)

    For myself, I supposed I would be a little confused at first, because after 7.5 years there’s either the question of why didn’t he trust me enough to tell me sooner, or what has happened to make him suddenly realize this? However…like one PP said, I think I’d feel extra special that out of all the women and men out there, he chose me to spend his life with!

    Post # 196
    Member
    368 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2000

    I am. Why would I care if he was?

    The topic ‘SPINOFF: What if your guy was bi?’ is closed to new replies.

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