(Closed) SPINOFF: What if your guy was bi?

posted 7 years ago in Intimacy
  • poll: How would you react?

    I'd be totally ok with it, nothing would change.

    It might change things a bit, but we'd work through it

    A lot would change, I don't know if it would still work.

    Everything would change, we could not work through it

    Other

  • Post # 32
    Member
    1812 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall
    I voted “It might change things a bit, but we’d work through it” . I’m defitinitely pro gay rights, but I have to admit if my guy came out as bi I would need to process the information. That’s a big aspect of his life that he’s suddenly realizing, and my mind would be spinning with questions like, “What if this is a stepping stone to him coming out as gay? What would I do without him?” There’s probably no data to back up my worry, it’s probably from my tendencies to over analyze and be a worry-wart. But if nothing changed as our marriage went on, I would of course calm down. His “type” shouldnt matter after marriage, whether it’s guys or blondes or whatever.

    My answer above is if he was coming out to me as he was realizing his bisexuality. If he came out to me after having been bi long before I met him, then I’d feel a little betrayed about lying/hiding things. We’ve been very open about out dating/sexual past, I would feel hurt that he hid a huge aspect of his life from me – does he not trust me? Is he ashamed? etc

    Post # 33
    Member
    5184 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2013

    I couldn’t even fathom it because my husband is a homophobe (he doesn’t behave rudely towards gay people or anything – that wouldn’t fly with me – but he’s kind of grossed out by homosexuality in general). How would I feel if he was? I honestly have no idea. I guess attractive is attractive whether you’re male or female. 

    Post # 34
    Member
    1443 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Wouldn’t change a damn thing. I’m bi and if my husband was bi it wouldn’t change anything. He still chose me just like I chose him.

    Post # 35
    Member
    8481 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2014

    View original reply
    @Bebealways:  +1. Well said.

    Post # 36
    Member
    1443 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I was in a relationship with a bi guy before.  Not a dealbreaker.  Also would like to add for those people who are freaked out by homosexuality or as one bee put it, “grossed out,” don’t have kids because, you know, they could end up being homosexual and doing “gross things.”

     

     

     

    Post # 37
    Member
    12244 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I’d be 95% fine with it!

    The other 5% would be a little afraid he was going to leave me for his BFF. (The bromance is strong with those two!)

    Post # 38
    Member
    487 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I’d be a bit shocked – I mean, we’ve been together for eight years and he’s never given any indication of being interested in men – but at the same time, I’m the only person he’s ever been with.  If he came out as bi I’d be okay with it, though.

    I wouldn’t be okay if he asked to experiment with other men.  I don’t share.

    Post # 39
    Member
    22 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: November 2018

    This thread isn’t honestly surprising at all. There are all of these myths and stereotypes about bisexuality and bisexual people. Even homosexual people have been known to hold these stereotypes against bisexual people as well.

    If my SO told me they were bi, I’d be really surprised but it wouldn’t change anything in our relationship (personally I’m queer and I’ve dated girls and guys so I guess now we could just talk about cute guys together?) 

    Everyone is entitled to their opinion sure, but stereotyping isn’t really fair. Plus I personally think it’s just a little sad that some people are so insecure that their long term relationships would just be over. If your SO was faithful to you before, there should be no reason they wouldn’t be faithful afterwards. 

    I also just wanted to add that the reason it’s “okay” for a girl to be bisexual and not so much for a guy to be bisexual is because its “hot” on a girl. It makes SOME, not all, people think that bisexual girls are easy, into threesomes, have a lot of sex, are more open to sexual experiences etc. And that’s not always true. For guys some people just see “gay” no matter if they still like/date girls and that’s not fair to either group. 

    Post # 40
    Member
    815 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    It would depend for me.

    A lot of people that I hae known who are bi say that they obviously think that both genders and sexually appealing in different ways, but they have a clean cut answer to “which gender do you fall in LOVE with.”

    I would be scared if my spouse said that he falls in love with either that he was actually gay, but just wanting a family or something (is that politically correct thing to say? It probably isn’t, but I would be lying if I said I wouldn’t have that thought). I think I would also suddenly feel threatened by his guy friends.

    Gosh! I really don’t know!

    What would bother was if I didn;t know from the get go. I would be very threatened by it if it came up well into our relationship because then I’d feel like “why were you hiding this?”

    If he was upfront with it from the start I don;t think I would give it much thought. I am a very open minded person as long as I am given honesty.

    Post # 41
    Member
    9123 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

    Wouldn’t change a thing, after the initial getting used to the idea.  (I *would* be pissed that he kept it from me for, oh, 13 years now… but I would try to understand that it was probably coming from a sense of shame or embarassment.)

    I also find these poll results sad.  Why do you think so many people are still closeted?

    LOL at MrsPanda99… if you’re going to say inflammatory stuff on a discussion board, people will respond.  That’s kind of how it works.

    Post # 42
    Member
    434 posts
    Helper bee

    View original reply
    @Bebealways:  I think it depends on the type of “caring” the reaction is. His sexuality wouldn’t change my attraction to him. But it’s possible that it could throw us for a loop for a little while because it’s a huge departure from my image of him. He’s been pretty staunchly attracted to women only for our entire relationship. If he suddenly came out to me, I would be very surprised and would need to take some personal time (in my head only, I would support him fully) to reconcile my image of him with the facts. I would also be hurt that he didn’t tell me sooner (unless it was something he was recently coming to terms with) because he should know that I would be fine with it. I mean, his mom is lesbian and I love her and her partner. It wouldn’t be “wow I don’t know how I feel about you”, it would be “ok so you’re not exactly the same person I thought you were so give me a second, but I still love you and its fine”

    Post # 43
    Member
    9916 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    View original reply
    @MissSweetiepie:  I don’t understand how you can not “support” homosexuality.  You know it’s not a choice, right?  Be reasonable.

     

    View original reply
    @Ninteenthchance:  Seriously?  I’m glad it wouldn’t bother you, but someone being bi doesn’t mean they automatically go run around with tons of people.  

     

    Personally, I wouldn’t have been bothered if my husband had told me before we started dating, or before we were serious, or even a few years into dating.  If he told me NOW, however, I’d feel like he’d been keeping something from me, and I’d want to know why.  THAT would be make me question our relationship — if he’s always been attracted to both men and women, but never told me about the men, and is now mentioning it…why??  Does he have a crush on a guy??

     

    Post # 44
    Member
    4435 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @HonoraryNerd:  I really don’t know how is react. I love my gay friends, but not sure about DH being bi. I guess we’d try to deal with it when the time came.

    Post # 46
    Member
    2512 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    Dealbreaker. I wouldn’t marry him. I wouldn’t stop loving him, but it just wouldn’t work. If we were already married, I wouldn’t leave him, but it would be a challenge. After this length of time, it would definitely have been a lie and not just him waiting to feel safe and secure. 

    SO and I have talked about a lot of these things. Things that we could work through and things we couldn’t. He would feel the same way if I told him I identified as bisexual, so there’s no double standard about female or male bisexuality in our relationship. 

     

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