(Closed) SPINOFF: What if your guy was bi?

posted 7 years ago in Intimacy
  • poll: How would you react?

    I'd be totally ok with it, nothing would change.

    It might change things a bit, but we'd work through it

    A lot would change, I don't know if it would still work.

    Everything would change, we could not work through it

    Other

  • Post # 47
    Member
    106 posts
    Blushing bee

    Okay, I’ll bite.  Let me start out by saying that I have no issues with gays, bisexuals, lesbians, transgendered people etc.  Full disclosure: I sometimes  straddle on the fence about whether a person is really bisexual or is just having difficulty coming out as completely gay.  

    But let’s assume my fiance tells me he is bi and is in fact, attracted to both men and women.  Yes, this is a major deal breaker for me.  No, it’s not because I think he’s more likely to cheat.  I understand that bi people in a committed relationship don’t cheat any more or less than straight people in a committed relationship.  It’s not because I’m worried that I don’t have a penis.  It’s because I am completely straight and I desire a partner who is also completely straight.  What I mean to say is I desire a partner with a similar sexuality to mine.  If my man were bi, we’d be on totally different pages sexually and that just wouldn’t work for me.  

    For the record the happiest bi people I know are married to other bi people because they get each other.  I would not be able to understand my fiance if he were bi.  I just wouldn’t.

     

    Post # 48
    Member
    2782 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    My *personal* opinion is that sexuality is fluid. I’ve never been with a woman, but I could see myself being attracted to one,but I’m married, so I wouldn’t do anything if I was.

    I love and trust my husband, and I know he is absolutely commited to me, as I am to him. He likes women, but that doesn’t mean he tries to sleep with every woman he meets. Likewise, I don’t think he’d be trying to sleep with every guy if he were bi.

    I’d be surprised, but that’s about it. More than anything I think I’d be proud he trusted to confide that in me.

    Post # 49
    Member
    651 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @HonoraryNerd:  my husband is like your’s, and honestly if he told me he was bi i would be over the moon happy. I have asked him on many occasions, mostly because i think two guys is hot and i want to see him with another guy, but sadly he is not. Oh well. 

     

    But yeah, if he was it would be a dream come true!!

     

    Post # 50
    Member
    1845 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I can’t say I wouldnt care at all, because I would. We’ve been together almost 9 years, and he’s the father of my child, I’d be more questioning why I’m just hearing about this now?! 

    I don’t think it would be a deal breaker, unless he wanted to act on it. For example if he just came to realize he’s attracted to men, and wanted to explore those desires, that would be a deal breaker for me. If he was still 100% committed to me, and had no desire to act on his new thoughts (I’m assuming they are new since I hadn’t heard about them in the 9 years previous), then that is fine.

    Post # 51
    Member
    2874 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    ive seen a thread with this title before, and what basically happened is that anyone who said they weren’t 100% fine with the idea got bashed, told theyre terrible and intolerant and narrowminded 

    so i dont know how id feel honestly. and no, i dont want ot justify or explain why

    Post # 52
    Member
    9916 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I just need to say…as someone who is bi…it does NOT mean my husband and I have threesomes with other girls all the time.  I am attracted to both men and women, and I have meaningful relationships with both men and women, but I am in love with my husband and being bi doesn’t mean I’m going to go have sex with tons of women.  COME ON.  If your husband is bi, he is still your husband.  If he is a CHEATER, he might cheat, but that’s not because he is bi.  That’s because he’s an asshole.  If he is already sexually adventurous, then you might have a threesome.  If he is not, then you probably won’t.  

    Post # 53
    Member
    7365 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    I dont want a bisexual husband. A friend no problem but for my romantic relationships no. If it works for you, great. In MY household it wouldn’t work.There are plenty of women as evidenced by the poll that have no issues with it, so go find someone who aligins with your vision of what you think a relationship should be. 

    My SO feels the same way. 

     

     

    Post # 55
    Member
    9123 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

    View original reply
    @newname_99:  Actually I think it was the people who said they were 100% NOT ok with it who were questioned.  Which I can understand… you love your husband enough to commit to spending the rest of your life with him, in sickness and in health, richer or poorer, etc – but this would be an immediate dealbreaker?  Hmm.

    Post # 56
    Member
    9916 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    View original reply
    @lolot:  Yeah, because being bi means you’re going to go to clubs and have sex with random strangers.  Duh.

    Post # 57
    Member
    403 posts
    Helper bee

    View original reply
    @bklynbridetobe:  I can respect that. Everyone has to be with a person who makes YOU feel comfortable. Some people just like to get sanctimonious about it. 

    Post # 58
    Member
    7365 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    View original reply
    @Janielum: Yes, this is a major deal breaker for me. No, it’s not because I think he’s more likely to cheat. I understand that bi people in a committed relationship don’t cheat any more or less than straight people in a committed relationship. It’s not because I’m worried that I don’t have a penis. It’s because I am completely straight and I desire a partner who is also completely straight. What I mean to say is I desire a partner with a similar sexuality to mine. If my man were bi, we’d be on totally different pages sexually and that just wouldn’t work for me.

    +1

    Post # 59
    Member
    7365 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    View original reply
    @atacrossroads: I guess the P.C. answer would be “oh sure Id have no issues with” Yeah right. For me its an issue. Doesn’t mean I’m ignorant or closeminded. 

     

    Post # 60
    Member
    403 posts
    Helper bee

    @bklynbridetobe:  Every time certain posters get on their sexuality/human rights/up with people soapbox I see this 

     

    Post # 61
    Member
    2563 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I don’t understand how it is an issue that you need a partner to be “completely straight”.  What if they have fantasies and enjoy gay porn but have no desire to be with a person of the same sex, is that not straight enough?

    If your partner has been with several partners before, all of them the opposite gender, but has now decided to spend the rest of their life with you, why is that so much better than having several partners, some of the same gender, but now wanting to spend the rest of their life with you?

    The only part of a person’s sexuality that needs to be similar to mine is that they want to be monogamous.  What they have done before has no impact on our current or future relationship.

    The topic ‘SPINOFF: What if your guy was bi?’ is closed to new replies.

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