(Closed) SPINOFF: What if your guy was bi?

posted 7 years ago in Intimacy
  • poll: How would you react?

    I'd be totally ok with it, nothing would change.

    It might change things a bit, but we'd work through it

    A lot would change, I don't know if it would still work.

    Everything would change, we could not work through it

    Other

  • Post # 122
    Member
    8482 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2014

    View original reply
    @Future_Mrs_Dr_I:  I did read your post. I even directly quoted your post. I can do it again, if you like?

    “No, because it’s just unnatural.” Lol. At least we both agree.

    It does not say ‘”no that would be a deal breaker,” at least we both agree.’

    If you dont think its unnatural, then great. But thats not what it looks like you wrote. I’m just going by what you posted.

    Post # 123
    Member
    3208 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    View original reply
    @allyfally:  honestly, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to make a choice about fundamentally personal attributes before committing your life to someone.

    At this point in my life, I would like to marry someone who is straight. I would not date anyone who believed in God or participated in any religion either, so if my Fiance suddenly discovers “God,” we’d also have a problem on our hands. I would not leave him, just as I wouldn’t leave him if he was bisexual, but I would have a difficult time working through it.

    Frankly, I was never a serial dater and was very picky about who I would date. I would not date someone who was religious, not straight, not on their way to being a professional, not somewhere within my class-level, pro-life, anti-Israel, or member of the Conservative Party of Canada. I’d be friends with them, and I currently have dear friends in my life who are staunch Conservatives or observant Jews, but I would not date them.

    This isn’t NIMBYism, everyone is allowed in my backyard! If my kid was bisexual, it wouldn’t phase me, just like I’m sure it wouldn’t have phased my parents if one of their kids came out (they took bets on my brother). But do I want to lay my head down next to a Conservative/Catholic/Bisexual/Anti-Choice/Pro-Palestine partner every night? No. This may be because my Fiance and I started dating at a very young age and have basically grown up into the same person in terms of beliefs and personal characteristics, but there is also the comfort of having a partner that truly gets you and shares everything with you. Sexuality is a big part of that.

    Post # 124
    Member
    781 posts
    Busy bee

    View original reply
    @allyfally:  and even if I did personally think it’s “unnatural,” that would be “great” too, because it would be my opinion, my prerogative. I’m glad people like me “disgust you,” because you’re actually having the same mentality you’re accusing me of having. If you’re liberal and open-minded, you would think that would apply in all situations, not just the ones you pick and choose to back up. I’m done, not interested in trying to convince total strangers that I have a right to give my opinion.

    Post # 125
    Member
    8482 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2014

    View original reply
    @letigre:  The way you describe it makes a lot more sense. I cant say that I agree with it, but I can understand it more.

    Post # 126
    Member
    8482 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2014

    View original reply
    @Future_Mrs_Dr_I:  I wouldnt say I’m open minded. I just think that homophobia is just as bad as racism, and neither belong in this world.

    Post # 127
    Member
    781 posts
    Busy bee

    View original reply
    @allyfally:  Just because you don’t want to be married to someone who is bisexual, does not mean you’re homophobic. I have gay friends, bi friends, and I couldn’t care less. If my SO is attracted to men, I would not be cool with it. 

    ETA: I wouldn’t likely marry someone who wasn’t my same race either. Why? Because I am attracted to white boys. Does that make me racist? Of course not. 

    Post # 128
    Member
    3041 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I dont think I could deal with that. I would always be wondering if he was hanging with his buddies & fantasizing… Its my personal thoughts… I would TRY to deal with it, but I just dont know… I feel like it would be something I would need to know up front before dating.

    Post # 129
    Member
    3371 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    View original reply
    @Future_Mrs_Dr_I:  + 1

    I really don’t see how not wanting to be in a romantic relationship with a bisexual man, or a gay man, or a gay woman, or whatever – would make me homophobic. It’s an individual’s choice who they want to date, who they want to marry, and the qualities they want in that person. I’ve never had a Chinese boyfriend, or an Indian boyfriend, but that doesn’t make me racist. I have girlfriends who prefer to date black men, and that doesn’t make them racist either. If it’s socially-acceptable to choose our mates based on physical attributes, intelligence, humour, religious values, family background, educational background, professional achievements – how can sexual orientation not be key criteria?!

    Post # 130
    Member
    292 posts
    Helper bee

    It wouldn’t bother me in the slightest – I’m bi so it would be pretty hypocritical of me to care! As long as he’a not trying to have any sort of cake/eat it situation where he gets to sleep with other people – if we’re together then we’re monogamous until and unless we decide otherwise. And as someone else said, it would make potentrial threesomes more interesting! 

    Post # 131
    Member
    1113 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I think I might be taken a back, only because we’re so open I feel like its not something my husby would have kept from me for so many years, and he knows I wouldn’t judge, and he can expect full support from me.

    I believe sexuailty is very subjective, and as I get older I’m more openminded about sexuality and love. As long as he loves me, and he’s faithful, I would love him and support him 🙂

     

    Post # 132
    Member
    2452 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Oops, double post.

    Post # 133
    Member
    2452 posts
    Buzzing bee

    View original reply
    @Rachel631:  

    “We’re all prepared to support other women on this site, but as soon as a man doesn’t live up to our perfect perfect expectations, we’re ready to throw him out like garbage.”

    I don’t think this is necessarily the case. It might just be that people are more than ready to support other people doing what they feel is right for them, but would be less likely to tolerate something like this in their own relationship. That doesn’t necessarily make it about gender.

    View original reply
    @HonoraryNerd:  Personally, I’d be very supportive and would not be worried about cheating. I think it’s ridiculous that anyone might be worried about increased risk of cheating–you either trust a person or you don’t and if you trust your SO the fact that their pool of people they might be attracted to may have increased in number shouldn’t be a big deal.

    I did pick option #2, “It might change things a bit, but we’d work through it” because I think that as a couple two people would need time to adjust to any sort of change in the relationship. I also think that during that time period there would be talks about what this would mean for the relationship and what the people in the relationship are and aren’t comfortable with.

    For example, would coming out mean that my guy would like us to try something new in the bedroom? If so, what would that be? Would he like to experiment with men in some sort of fashion? If so, in what ways specifically and what does this mean for our relationship? What are we as individuals comfortable and not comfortable doing?

    I wouldn’t assume that I would know the answers to these questions, as they can vary depending on the situation. News like this has the potential to change a relationship significantly. I will say that if this coming out was something that wouldn’t change the relationship in any discernable way, I would hope that most people would have a very easy time adjusting because in that case it really isn’t a big deal. The person is still the same person you fell in love with and nothing has changed.

    Post # 134
    Member
    1113 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    View original reply
    @MissMarple:  +1

    I agree with you, I also picked number two, because I don’t think it would just be “Ok” and done, there’s always going to be some things that change, and maybe some things that need to be discussed, but in the end I think it would be fine.

    Post # 135
    Member
    1348 posts
    Bumble bee

    I consider myself pansexual, so it would be really hypocritcial for me to reject my SO if he told me he was bi.Most people who are close to me know that I see sexuality as fluid, and I’ve never heard negative feedback after having conversations about it. I guess my friends and family _are more open minded and aware that sexuality is more gray than black and white.

    Post # 136
    Member
    7976 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

    View original reply
    @Bebealways:  Although I am trying to refrain from getting on the outrage bus, can I just say that I agree with you?

    The only thing I do understand is when women are saying “we’ve been together for XYZ years… did he not trust me enough to tell me before? Or are these feelings new? If they are new, how does he know he won’t want to ABC in the future?”

    That, I understand. And maybe they would need to have a full and frank conversation about what this means (“OK, so now I’m a bit less comfortable about your pretending to flirt with my brother because you think it’s funny…”). Maybe there would need to be a few minor behavioural tweaks to accommodate any new insecurities.

    … beyond that… WTF? And for people who are bringing religion into this, the bottom line in even the most hardline of some of the interpretations of Abrahamic religions is that being gay/bisexual is not a sin… but having sexual relations with a person of the same gender is. Therefore, these women should be happy that their man is with them, and not with another man, because by being with them then he has been saved from the firey pits of Hell, or whatever. I’m not sure why a person’s religion would even factor into this decision… or is it just that people like bringing up religion because it acts as a convenient scapegoat? Because we’ve all seen that before…

    The topic ‘SPINOFF: What if your guy was bi?’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors