(Closed) SPINOFF: What is your policy on cheating?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: AFTER Marriage, would you forgive cheating?

    I could never forgive cheating in a marriage

    Two strikes, you're out

    I could forgive more than twice, depending on the circumstances

    I'm in an open/"monagamish" relationship

    I'm not sure

    SO would never forgive cheating

    SO might forgive me once

    SO would forgive me anything!

  • Post # 77
    Member
    180 posts
    Blushing bee

    View original reply
    @lealorali:  Yes, it is hard, but there are plenty of women that do it.  I don’t know what the future holds, but hard doesn’t mean impossible.  Every woman has the right to put up with whatever they see fit, and if it works for their relationship, then it’s not my business.  But if I was married with kids, I’d like to set the example of doing the right thing, even when it’s the more difficult choice.  

    Post # 78
    Member
    1845 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    We’ve discussed this, and Fiance knows I’m about the worlds most jealous person (without being a total controlling bitch), so there’s no way I could forgive cheating. I think he would be more apt to forgive me if I did something like that (although I’d rather like to believe ill never have to prove that theory one way or the other). 

    The only thing I could possibly get over is a random hookup while he was on a business trip or something. I don’t know for sure if I could get over it, but that might be the only scenario. Something that isn’t emotional, isn’t on-going, was a total 1-time thing, etc.

    A couple years ago my Fiance went to Asia on business and the hosts he was staying with actually hired girls to “keep him company” (he was with his boss at the time, and he got some girls too). Obviously this made me supremely uncomfortable, but I’ve come to trust the fact that nothing happened because I believe in my Fiance. However, in that circumstance, I may have been able to find it in me to forgive (MAYBE) if he had if come clean about it. We are all human, and we all make mistakes, and sometimes it’s easy to make the right decisions, and other times it’s not so easy.

    Post # 79
    Member
    278 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    There’s not really anything that is a “one strike and you’re out” automatic dealbreaker for me EXCEPT physical abuse. Everything else, including cheating, I would be willing to discuss and try to work through. It really depends on the circumstances. A random hookup during a business trip would be a lot easier for me to forgive than an ongoing affair with one of our mutual friends.

    Post # 80
    Member
    4410 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 2010 - Savannah, GA

    Honestly, I love my husband so much that I would forgive him. I’d probably forgive him multiple times. Although, thankfully, I don’t think that will ever be put to the test.

    I don’t think he would forgive me. He doesn’t even want to think about me having had relationships with men before him. Fortunately, he doesn’t have anything to worry about, because I can’t even imagine being with anyone but him… 

    Post # 81
    Member
    273 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I haven’t walked down the aisle yet, and I already have a zero tolerance cheating policy. I think enough of myself that if he were cheating on me–which shows a definite lack of respect, if nothing else–I would walk away. I deserve more than that. I deserve somebody who wants to be with me.

    And likewise for SO, he deserves somebody who wants to be with him. If I were to ever stray, I’d leave, because he deserves somebody who will respect him and the relationship he’s in.

    Post # 82
    Member
    1796 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I doubt I would forgive cheating if I knew for sure that it happened. But I’m also the kind of person who would not really want to know. it’s kind of hard to put into words, but I guess I feel like if cheating had to happen I would rather not know and not have to deal with all the aftermath of knowing. You know what they say, ignorance is bliss.

    Post # 83
    Member
    4697 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I think cheating shows poor morals and disrespect. Someone who respects you and what you have wouldn’t do this, period, point blank, no exceptions. It’s not a mistake.

    Not to mention, forgiving cheating doesn’t mean that you get to make someones life a living hell, that is not what forgiveness is. Forgiveness means you have to actually forgive and move on. That’s something I wouldn’t be capable of doing.

    Cheating in my relationship with my Fiance is not an option for either of us, we both agree that this isn’t a mistake you make if you have good moral character.

     

     

    Post # 84
    Member
    146 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I take my marriage vows very seriously and wont leave before putting up a BIG fight. My husband and I are both uncomfortably on the same terms. We both agree if there was a one time mess up we would try to work on the problems first. It’s an uncomfortable agreement because I don’t of course want to go through even one mess up, but we want to fight for our marriage. If we weren’t married and even just engaged I wouldn’t have forgiven any kind of slip up. But even if it’s just kissing, he’s got ONE chance, if he doesn’t go to councelling and work with us to save the marriage he’s out the door and the same things goes for me. Of course though we both don’t see any of this ever being the case.

    Post # 85
    Member
    1810 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    I’m pretty sure my husband would leave me if I cheated even once.

     

    If he cheated, I’d at least try to work it out, of course depending on the circumstances.

     

    Post # 86
    Member
    1402 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    Our cheating policy is pretty simple:  Don’t do it.  If I cheat, we’re done.  If he cheats, we’re done.  If either of us starts thinking about cheating it’s time for us to have a talk to figure out what’s going on in our relationship that needs to change.

    Post # 87
    Member
    60 posts
    Worker bee

    My policy is that cheating is a dealbreaker.  I would be MISERABLE if I had to spend the rest of my life with someone who cheated on me.  

    Post # 88
    Member
    687 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2016

    I didn’t vote because there wasn’t an option for “I would forgive my SO once” – I hate to say it but I think I would forgive my SO if he cheated only once and regretted it.

    ETA: I KNOW my SO would leave me if I cheated even once! 

     

    Post # 89
    Member
    1460 posts
    Bumble bee

    I couldn’t stay with a cheater…I get paranoid and physically sick with the idea of someone breaking my trust. My bf says he has a zero tolerance policy as well. So that’s that lol

     

    Post # 90
    Member
    4756 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @mrssrm:  In the past cheating was something I said would be a deal breaker…

    Now, I’m not so sure if it would be a deal breaker. I know my Fiance and if he cheated it would be so out of character….the circumstances would have to be evaluated and I would maybe consider staying and working on the relationship….

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