(Closed) [Spinoff] What to do when one person makes a lot more?

posted 7 years ago in Money
Post # 17
7643 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

Because we are married, it is our money, but when we were dating and engaged, if he would invite me, I’d pay my own way. He would never let me, of course, but I would assume that if I agreed I would pay my own way so at least I would be prepapred if I did need to.

Post # 18
668 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Equal percentages of income — so we both contribute 15% of our individual income to something, that 15% will be more for the person making more…

Post # 19
2959 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I don’t see it as a problem. I make way more than FH and there has never been a problem. He pays for his bills, I pay for mine and we share household expenses. I do pay a bit more than he does, for example, I buy just about all of the food. We keep it casual – we have never sat down and said who pays for what or made up a budget. The bills are paid and our needs are met so we’re happy!

Post # 20
7590 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

When we were not living together our finances were completely separate. DH had way more money than I did but we took turns paying for dinner (or just split it) and if we took a vacation we split it equally. He would occasionally step up and foot the bill if it was something he really wanted to do and I couldn’t afford it.

I believe if you’re living together the money should all go into a big “pot.”  Once we moved in together (around the time we got engaged) it became our money. At that time I didn’t have a job (for the first three months). I know that not everyone shares all their money so in that case I believe bills should be split up based on how much you make.

So I guess I think if you’re not living together you should split stuff fairly equally and if you are living together it should be based on your income.

Post # 21
237 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Enjoy it — this is the first time I’ve never had to worry about living week-to-week since I’ve started working.  I found out that I had a lot of pride in scraping by and making things work (i.e., controlling everything), and there was definitely an adjustment period as I let that go and let go of other assumptions/expectations.

Post-wedding, we’re both getting an “allowance” and everything else is being pooled for expenses and savings. 

Post # 22
11231 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I make more simply because I work full time hours and Fiance is a student. I pay for the majority of our stuff because we currently have separate accounts. After the wedding, we’ll have a joint account, though he’ll still be a student and hopefully unemployed so that he can focus on school, so I’ll be paying for everything anyway. No big deal.

Post # 23
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I don’t think it matters if the man or woman makes more, and I think that as long as both parties are responsible with money that everything should be shared and any leftover money goes into one pot that both people have access to. That’s how we do it, and it works for us : )

Post # 24
8437 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@jdhall89:  My husband technically pays for everything because I don’t work, but we see it as our money.  It’s been like this since we purchased a home together (1 yr before our wedding).

Post # 25
1349 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2019

My SO makes double what I do an hour, and his cost of living expenses are even lower than mine, so naturally he has a lot of money left over. We don’t live together, but I try to pay, key word here is ‘try’, lol, and he’ll race me to be the one to pay. He wants to be the one to provide for me and take care of me, and that’s fine, as long as he lets me pay sometimes.

Also that leaves leftover money so I can buy him nicer presents for his birthday and Christmas, haha.

When we get married we’ll combine our expenses and figure out a percentage we each need to put in for our living expenses/bills/whatever, and as far as I’m concerned any money he has leftover is his to do with what he wants.

Post # 26
9478 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@jdhall89:  i make double of what Fiance makes.  he moved into my house.  we agreed on a monthly rent for him to pay that covers utilities.

i go food shopping more but i am ok with it. 

we split vacations

we mostly take turns paying for dinner out or split it

he is solely responsible for any costs related to his dog, though eventually maybe i will share that with him.

vacations and dinner spending have stayed the same since we started dating.  though in the beginning of our relationship, before i knew how much money he made, he paid for dates more when he was trying to woo me.

Post # 27
1877 posts
Buzzing bee

@jdhall89:   To me, it makes sense that the person who makes more contributes more once you are engaged and living together or, if not living together, after you are married.  Prior to that, it depends on the couple.  Some people are opportunistic users and manipulators, and I understand why wealthy people are wary of being used.  That said, if someone wealthy has dated an individual for a long time and they still feel that they can’t trust their partner, then there is a problem. That problem could be that the partner is untrustworthy. Sometimes the wealthier partner may be a bit paranoid, overly cautious, or downright selfish.  A life partner should be generous with their affection, time, support, and resources of all kinds.

We have treated all money as “our money” since getting engaged.  It is all communal. Prior to that, my fiancé was very generous and paid for most extras like trips, many needs like utities once we move in together, and always offered me his credit card should I need it. I got engaged at 31 and have been supporting myself independently for a decade, so it felt unusual at first to accept his generosity, but it doesn’t any longer.  He loves me and this is one way he shows it.  He is even more generous with his love, heart, and time.

Post # 28
9478 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

View original reply
@showmethebling:  formal is (your salary/total)

for example

he makes $120,000

she makes $50,000

total is 170,000

50/170 = .29 or 29%

120/170 = .71 or 71%

if monthly expenses are $2000,

then he pays  $1400 and she pay $600


Post # 29
4521 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

He pays for more. I’m lucky tht he sees everthing as ours, even my debt

Post # 30
12244 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

DH pays for pretty much everything, and always has. He also makes 4X what I do.

I tried to pay half when we first started dating, but he shut that right down!

Post # 31
2902 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

View original reply
@ajillity81:  I like this. I think it’s fair to all involved and should help avoid any money conflicts in the future. 

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