Post # 1
A very good friend of mine gave me good advice early on in my planning. When I decided I wanted a circus themed wedding, complete with “Will Call” as my escort table, I was certain Fiance would never go for it because he wouldn’t understand what I mean. When I explained to said friend she said don’t tell him.
“Do you think Mike would have approved of my butterfly theme? Absolutely Not!!!” She said. She told me she just showed him bits and pieces as it came together. Like here are our invite choices (all choices included butterflies) and these are the centerpieces I’m thinking about (again with butterflies). He never disagreed, but she never straight up told him it was the theme of there wedding.
So I’ve taken the same route. One thing at a time, like approval for cotton candy favors. Approval on the invites. Approval on the peanuts. Nothing he has said NO too either. I even showed him my inspiration boards. I’m pretty sure he didn’t put two and two together and come to a circus conclusion. And I have yet to straight up say, “Hey it’s a Circus Theme.”
Do you think this is dishonest? Or are there somethings you have kept from you Fiance during the planning process, is it something as big as the theme?
Post # 3
@knvprincess143: It’s his wedding too. Is he helping to fund this wedding? I think it’s a bit sneaky and backhanded. I’d be pissed if my Darling Husband had done something like this to me. I can’t imagine walking into the reception and being like “Um, did we even talk about this?” Just a thought. But circus theme? that’s pretty awesome. I bet he’d be on board.
Post # 4
We don’t have a theme but wedding colors (a bunch of blues- I’m sure it’ll be a mess, haha, light pinks, and silver (I have almost no silver so far! It’s crunch time)) He wasn’t totally on board with the pink but I told him about it and showed him my inspiration images and he got behind it. In fact the other day he got me pink flowers and I put them in my blue mason jars- he said he really liked the pink with the blue.
So I guess what I’m saying is tell him your idea but have inspiration boards and pictures to back yourself up.
Post # 5
@An Alaskan Bride: Like I said I did show him the inspiration boards which were clearly circusy. Maybe I’ll tell him.
Post # 6
We had colors, no theme, and my hubs was totally on board with everything. I would definitely not go that route with him, cuz to me, that’s basically lying to him.
Post # 7
As much as FH doesnt really care aboit the details of the wedding, i dont think id be able to hide or not tell him about certain things. What jars to put the candy in for the candy buffet..no..How the centerpieces will be situated on the tables..no. but big things like the theme and colors, i think he should know about. I wanted to have a masquerade type of feel to the wedding and FH said hell no to that idea. I cant imagine the look on his face if I would have continued with this and the day of the wedding he sees it. I think small things would be okay to just not tell, but the theme of the wedding, I have to disagree with keeping that from him.
Post # 8
It depends on the guy. My Darling Husband didn’t really care about the decor, colors, flowers and stuff like that. But I know guys who have been totally anal with wedding planning and who had a say in every detail.
I think butterflies are a little more of a subtle theme than a circus though, so you might want to mention it lol.
Post # 9
It’s not just your wedding, it’s his too. “What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him” works when you buy a new pair of shoes, not when you’re planning a very expensive wedding.
Post # 10
I think it’s funny how in this post everyone says you should be honest but in regards to girls cheating on Fiance posts, most people say don’t him. I’m just saying I think its funny.
Anyway he knows everything I’ve bought or planned so far. He even approved the bridesmaids dresses before I told the girls to order. So he has seen every detail. But I think your right. I’ll tell him this weekend and get back to you all on how it turns out. Thanks for setting me straight ladies.
And everytime I say to him, “It’s your wedding too.” He says “No it’s your day.”
Also I’d never spend our money even for a stick of gum, let alone a pair of shoes, and not tell him about it. I do think that is dishonest.
Post # 11
I guess it depends on what role your Fiance wants to take in the process. Some people don’t care. So in that sense, you can really plan whatever and they will be happy. However I think it’s weird to purposefully keep something from someone if you know or suspect they wouldn’t like it. Perhaps the end result would be the same but it’s kind of the principle of it. I would be hurt if my Fiance lied to me or kept something from me even if the thing itself didn’t bother me.
Post # 12
This would just never work in our relationship. We discuss everything and discussed every aspect of the wedding together and made decisions together. Of course there were things he simply didn’t have an opinion on, (flowers), that he said, “do whatever you want.” But I didn’t just go do it before he said that. Also, I was surprised by just how many things he did care about and did have an opinion on.
Post # 13
I was worried he wouldn’t like becuase he won’t get the over all picture of it and take it too literally. Not that he won’t like the ideas I come up with and the final product. I don’t see him having a problem with the final result.
Post # 14
Eh, I think it might have been at least a good way to ease him in to the idea of a Circus wedding. Like, he might have thought circus and thought of little kids and clowns and stuff and couldn’t see how it could be sophisticated enough for a wedding. This way he’s already seen how nice it could be.
Post # 15
If you are showing him all of your ideas and he is agreeing, I don’t really think you are being deceptive.
Post # 16
Sorry I have to say this is dishonest and you should be telling him that your wedding is a circus theme. It is his wedding to and should be agreed upon a theme if you are having one