Post # 32
@Tinatiny1: It was crazy love, not real love.
This! I was soooo head over heels for my boyfriend from ages 18-22! I was SET to marry him and knew we would be together forever. It was soooo passionate, but got dysfunctional towards the end (lots of fighting, etc). We. were. not. compatible. Different views on things, different ambitions, different educational levels, difference values on some things. Of course when I was in love with him none of this mattered and we would “make it through anything.”
If I were still with him I’d be divorced. No doubt.
Now that I’m with Fiance I know what it’s like to both be fully an individual and a couple. Stable and refreshing! Hindisight is 20/20!
Post # 33
I had a ‘boyfriend’ for about four months when I was about 15 (I say it loosely as I pretty much just went to his house for tea once a week and I couldn’t bare him being too close to me). Turns out he was gay which was why he broke up with me, so no idea how we would have ended up! We were good friends during college but lost touch when I went to university. He is now very much a self-centred, snobby individual and very money and staus orientated. Just after Christmas we had quite a disagreement about fox hunting (he’s for, I’m against). I’m very thankful that one never worked as my SO is an incredible man.
Post # 34
High School Sweetheart: I’d be living in Michigan so that we could be closer to his family and we’d definitely be married with a couple of children by now (I’m only 24). I’d be a housewife who spent most of my time baking and sewing costumes for church Christmas pageants. I would probably be the author of one of those Christian Mommy Blogs. I think that once my kids left home I’d lose a huge part of my identity because I devoted my life to being a Good Christian Mother and wouldn’t have ever worked or even finished college. I guess I’d fill my time busying myself with Church committees and nagging my 4 children for grandkids. Not necessarily a bad life, just not for me.
Third Most Significant Adult Relationship (apart from Fiance obviously): I would be living in suburbia with 2 kids, married to Don Draper. He’d be cheating on me at every chance he could and I’d be valiantly ignoring it with the help of my good friend alcoholism. I can see him fathering a couple of children with other women and me probably having to raise them. I would be utterly miserable and probably leading the life of Bree in the earlier seasons of Desperate Housewives (minus the crazy drama).
Second Most Significant Adult Relationship: This guy was the real ‘one that got away’ and imagining a future we might have had is painful. I see us living in an artsy city (I’m thinking Portland, Austin or New York) saving up to buy a brownstone or a town house. We’d probably scheduled to get married in 2-4 years so that we could have stable careers and get comfortable living together. I think that we’d be living a very happy life. We’d spend our weekends doing nerdy things together and going to his band’s shows. I think that things would have been pretty good for us. He was the most amazing, adorably quirky guy and I think a tiny part of me will always have feelings for him. I really believe that if things were different we’d have gotten married and been very happy together. Reading this back it sounds like I’m not over him, and maybe I’m not really. We don’t talk and it would probably upset me to hear that he had moved on. Really though I’m just as happy, probably happier, with Fiance. My ex is my ex for a reason.
Those were the only exes that I could clearly see a future with. I could see the paths my life would’ve taken if I had stayed with them and I mostly didn’t like what I saw. I’m reallg glad that I’ve found my wonderful future husband and thinking about this makes me really grateful for him.
Post # 35
With my first SO? Probably dead. He was verbally and sexually abusive, I attempted suicide twice during the four years we were together.
The guy after him, I’d probably be getting frustrated with his inability to hold down a steady job and his extremely serious pot habit. Yeah, I definitely dodged a bullet where those two were concerned.
Post # 37
Oh wow, I have to really think about this..
If I was with my teenage sweetheart, I would married with children but forever wondering in the back of my mind whether he cheated on me during our long-distance relationship and what it would have been like to have been with another man besides him – we started dating when I was 13 and he was my first kiss.
If I was with Ex #2, I’d probably have an alcohol and drug addiction as well as a criminal record.
If I was with Ex #3… ugh. There was no way that relationship could have worked. I’m surprised it lasted for four years though it was very on and off. If I was still with him, I would be beyond miserable.
I’m going to echo all the other PPs that said they’re glad they are now with their current SO/FI/DH.