(Closed) Spinoff: Who gets the final say on # of kids?

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: Who has the final say on # of kids?
    Me - if I'm the one giving birth to them then I can choose how many! : (75 votes)
    20 %
    Him - I'm not enormously fussed on the number so it's down to him. : (7 votes)
    2 %
    Both of us - we will fight to compromise even if it takes forever. : (234 votes)
    62 %
    Neither - We don't want kids!! : (12 votes)
    3 %
    Other - because OP didn't think of this option! : (13 votes)
    3 %
    Bunnies. : (6 votes)
    2 %
    Added: Whoever wants fewer. : (33 votes)
    9 %
  • Post # 32
    Member
    3176 posts
    Sugar bee

    Joint. I want at least one and my husband doesn’t want three because he was a middle child. We may end up giving birth to one and adopting one.

    Post # 34
    Member
    621 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    @ZebraPrintMe:  We both do. I find it is childish for a women to say she gets ‘final say’ on how many children the couple decides to have. I think it needs to be a compromise.

     

     

    Post # 35
    Member
    11744 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @ZebraPrintMe: It’s a joint decision, but at the end of the day if no compromise can be reached, it’s up the woman. No one can make you carry or give birth to a child if you don’t want to.

    My husband wants 4 kids, I don’t know how many I want (at least 2, most likely 3 and I’d consider up to 4).  However, if I say when the time comes that I don’t want a 4th, yeah I’m going to get the final say there.)  I knew his feelings/wants before marriage, and he knew mine.  We entered the marriage with the understanding that we will see what happens when the time comes.  It’s not going to be something we get divorced over and I don’t think it’s even something you can fully work out before marriage. People change their minds all the time.  You never know how many kids you want (or can afford) until you start having them.

    Post # 36
    Member
    89 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    We are leaving it up to God to decide how many children we will have. We both come from families with primary and secondary fertility issues, so there is no “guarantee” that we could have a specific number of children. When we first got married, he said 2 and I said 3, but then we both realized that you can’t truly know how many kids you want until you have them. I knew a couple who wanted a large family until their second child was found to be autistic, and a couple dead set on two who decided when their second kid was 5 that they wanted to try for number 3. Yes, it’s important to be on the same page with the kids/no kids issue when you get married, but realize that the actual number of kids could change once those kids come along. 

    Post # 37
    Member
    1073 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I think it’s a joint decision. However, if my husband wanted one more child and I didn’t, he and I would both know that the final decision would be mine. My husband knows that I respect him and will always listen to him and comprimise on most situations, but when it comes to pregnancy, it’s my body and I am taking all of the health risks. 

    Post # 39
    Member
    3875 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    I think it’s a joint decision. The only time I can see it coming down more on the woman’s decision is if the husband/SO was pushing for one more child when she knew she was done emotionally and physically. At that point, the couple should still talk it over, but I would be inclined to allow the woman to have the final say.

    My SO and I joke all the time that whoever wants to quit their job and raise all the children can have the final say in the number, but we both know that we each have an equal say. Four and done for us. 

    Post # 40
    Member
    621 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    @ZebraPrintMe:  Neither one of us is stubborn enough to not be “willing to shift”…hence compromise. Plus we already had the same number in mind.

    Post # 41
    Member
    2346 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: January 2012

    @ZebraPrintMe:  I’d absolutely say yes. He has no less say than I do, since it’s our family we’re talking about. Heck he can even say he doesn’t need my body..adoption, surrogacy or even cheating are just as viable options for him as me tricking him into one if he didn’t wanted another and I did.  It all boils down to coming to a compromise through thorough communication. I agree with pp its probably going to be the person who wants less getting their way. Regardless who’s the man or woman a child shouldn’t be forced on anyone.

    ETA [In response to your question at post 32]

     

    Post # 42
    Member
    3552 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I voted other. Our stance is we will try it once and then make the decision if we want another or not and I get slightly more say in if we do it again because it’s my body. We would not have more than two. I think we’re both leaning towards one right now, but we will make a more informed decision on if we want a second child after we have the first.

    Post # 43
    Member
    259 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    Hmm both but I reserve the right to ultimate veto – if I’m not 100% happy to have that child! I’m not doing it! 

    Post # 44
    Member
    1812 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall

    Oooh, tough question. I think it should be mostly “both,” then lean towards “who wants fewer.”

    Basically you discuss it together, and if there’s a disagreement it should probably be the lesser number. If one parent cannot handle more, they should not be made to try to handle more. There’s that Jim Gaffigan quote out there that says “What’s having 4 kids like? Imagine you’re drowning, and someone hands you a baby” haha! 

    Post # 45
    Member
    3378 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    I voted we both decide.  As some people have said, if you disagree it’s not like you can have half a baby, but it needs to be something that is discussed and worked out together.  Yes, one party is going to have to give up on their preference, but that doesn’t mean it’s just “I get my way because I’m the one pushing them out” – unless you’re the only one supporting and parenting them for the next 18 years, it should be a mutual agreement.

    Post # 46
    Member
    1410 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @ZebraPrintMe:  I voted 50/50, and a big part of that is that my Fiance and I will have to discuss whatever comes up. Fiance and I want to have 2-3 kids and adopt 1-2 for a total of 3-4, but theoretically one or both of us could be infertile, and/or too heartbroken to continue the adoption process if it becomes difficult. And after 1 we could decide having more is crazy. Or we could have a child with special needs. So many possibilities!

    As far as having children biologically goes, it’s my body, but before I get pregnant for the first time he has just as good of an idea about what it might be like for me to be pregnant as I do, and afterwards, he’ll take into account what pregnancy was like for me because he loves me. And because I love him, I’ll consider pushing out another one even if I’m heavily leaning towards not wanting to.

    The topic ‘Spinoff: Who gets the final say on # of kids?’ is closed to new replies.

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