Post # 1
There have been a couple threads recently that were based around the idea of the couple doesn’t really want/need something personally, but many expected guests do. In these cases, one was about whether alcohol was necessary for a light-drinking couple’s reception, and other about if a meat option was necessary for a vegetarian bride’s reception. There are really a large variety of things where personal feelings versus what’s expected could conflict. When I checked, both polls were in favor of having the options for the guests.
All things considered (the couple’s personal beliefs, the cost of providing things that they won’t personally want), should the couple do their thing, or cave to perceptions of what guests want? Or under what circumstances should they do one or the other? How does this fit into the paradigm of “it’s your day” and “the wedding should reflect the couple”?
Neither of the threads were my posts; I guess this is just a sociological study.
Post # 3
I think it’s more for the guests, as sad as that is.
Post # 4
I don’t think reflecting the couple & having the guest’s comfort in mind are mutually exclusive. For instance, if you are a vegetarian, you could showcase that with an extravagant vegetarian option & also have chicken or something simple available to appease meat eaters. Same with those who are not drinkers. You could have activities available for those who aren’t going to drink/dance that would be fun & creative & showcase your interests while still allowing your guests to enjoy a glass of wine with dinner.
Besides, there are a lot of choices that will show your personality besides just the bare bones hosting necessities. You, as B&G, choose decor, location, time of day, guest list….of course your wedding is going to reflect you & your husband. No need to shove your beliefs down other’s throats in the process, KWIM?
Of course, if someone is adamantly, morally opposed to something, I am (presumably) a close friend or family member attending their wedding and will support them whatever they may decide. But for me, first and foremost, I want my guests to have a good time & be as happy as my FH & I on our big day 🙂
Post # 5
My take is, if you are hosting a party, you should make sure your guests are comfortable, but you do not have to cater to their every whim. This means that if you have a guest that has celiac, you should work with the caterer to put together a gluten-free plate so she has something to eat. It doesn’t mean that you need to serve carrots because one person doesn’t like asparagus.
Omnivores can eat a vegetarian meal. Drinkers can drink a nonalcoholic drink. But it doesn’t work the other way around.
Post # 6
I think weddings are for both. I think it’s important to be a good host while not violating your own values or spending more than you can afford. Being a good host means thinking of your guests’ comfort – making sure there is plentiful, high-quality food, enough seating, not too hot or cold, not making them stand for a long time.
But I don’t think it has to mean providing meat or alcohol if you’re opposed to it. There are plenty of delicious, filling foods that you can serve that are meatless, so you’re still fulfilling your obligation as a host. And while alcohol is always welcome at a reception, there are lots of good reasons for a couple to choose not to have it, and I would never feel “cheated” if it was a dry party.
Post # 7
I think the wedding itself is about the bride and groom celebrating their love and commitment to each other. That being said, if you are going to share that day with others you do need to be a good hostess and think of your guests comfort/needs.
Post # 8
both the needs and wants of the guests and the couple have to taken into account.
Post # 9
I think it mainly about the guests. I think if people really wanted it to be all about them and their relationship, they wouldn’t have a bit reception. Most people want the party and the big celebration, and that’s fine with me! We have the wedding on one day, and we have the rest of our lives to celebrate being married!
Post # 10
ceremony is for bride and groom
reception is a thank you to the guests
I don’t drink and we’re serving alcohol. I don’t eat meat and we’re serving meat. It’s not the time to impose my beliefs on them.
Post # 11
I think of it as a case-by-case, item-by-item thing. For example, the couple’s first dance song choice is strictly for them. Even if it’s heavy metal, the song they choose is their call. But food, for example, should be an attempt to please the masses. If the bride thinks a photobooth is tacky but a lot of her guests have mentioned how much fun photobooths are, then providing a photobooth wouldn’t be such a bad idea (assuming it’s in her budget).
Post # 12
Honestly, I’m still not sure! Lol! From the threads I’ve read on here, no one cares about your wedding, everyone is too busy to talk about your wedding, people have no money to afford to attend your wedding, etc. So I’m of the opinion that the wedding is for the bride and groom since they are the only ones that care. Lol. Seriously though, as long as they are well fed and reasonable comfortable (i.e. – not freezing to death in a barn in winter) then I think you have fullfilled your duties as host.
Post # 13
I think a wedding is a party that the B&G are hosting and should refelct their tastes. For example, if I went to a dinner party hosted by a vegetarian, I would not expect to be served meat, and, quite frankly, I would enjoy seeing what my vegetarian friend prepared.
Likewise, I have been to “dry” weddings and I did not expect the B&G to serve me alcohol while I was there. Honestly, I would have felt weird if I was one of the 20% of guests drinking wine while everyone else had water or soda.
I agree that there are certain “special conditions” (like a celiac guest) that should be accomodated. But otherwsie, no, I don’t take my guests preferences into account. (I.e. one of my guests is a member of AA, but I am having an open bar. There will soda or water for this guest).
It’s just one night for my guests – they can live with what I serve. But it is a VERY BIG night for me. If it came down to it, I’d rather they be slighty uncomfortable with the food/booze situation than me being slightly uncomfortable with it.
This is our party. We are paying a large chunck of chaneg for this party. It will be the way we want it to be.
Post # 14
From our experience we see it all as not what we want. If it were what we wanted, we wouldn’t be having a traditional wedding. We’d much rather get married on the beach! Also, we have a limited budget and were going to only have a hosted cocktail hour, but now we are ending up having to host some kind of alcohol for the entire night. I get that you wouldn’t charge guests for drinks at your house, but we were at least providing them with wine and champagne during dinner and free cocktails before dinner. IMO that should be enough. My Fiance and I don’t drink a lot. I know if I went to a wedding and had to pay for drinks after dinner, I just wouldn’t drink anymore – no big deal.
Post # 15
both but it’s NOT for the parents that’s for damn sure… (unless they’re paying)
Post # 16
I think the needs and comfort of the guests should be taken care of, but I beleive that doesn’t include the “need” to eat meat or get drunk if it’s not something the bride and groom do. The alcohol thing really bugs me, it seems like it’s required for any social function and I think that’s sad.