(Closed) Spinoff: Why can't you wear red?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Would you or have you worn white, black, or red to a wedding?

    I would wear them all.

    I would wear white.

    I would wear black.

    I would wear red.

    Hells no!

    I have before, but wouldn't do it again.

  • Post # 2
    446 posts
    Helper bee

    View original reply
    CanadaMoose:  I wear red all the time, unless it is a wedding where the bride typically wears red (for example my friend’s wedding where she is from India and wore a beautiful red lehenga). Otherwise I think it’s totally fine and people have too much of a stick up their butt most of the time. 

    Post # 3
    7440 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    In some cultures like Indian and Chinese it has the same negative contagions that white and black have for the western culture. It is just to respect everyone as so many cultures are intermixed. It could also be such an attention grabbing color that it is best to avoid it.

    Post # 4
    1364 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2016

    it’s not, but especially wearing white is considered poor form. only the bride is supposed to wear white.

    if it’s a cocktail attire i’d wear black or red, not sure what that’s about?

    Post # 5
    1819 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Yes I wore black as a Bridesmaid or Best Man because that was the dress chosen for us and I wore it again to a wedding a few months later and had tons of compliments on it. I have no idea why certain colors are taboo and I am not one for ettiquette as I think it makes things more complicated than they need to be. I understand the rules of ettiquette might have started with valid reasons but our times have changed so much, who cares? Is anyone really going to think anyone wearing white is the bride? Probably not. If someone wears black is it really going to affect the outcome of the marriage? I don’t think so. This is the first I’ve heard of not wearing red to a wedding and think its silly.

    I just think its weird that in daily life we say to not worry about what other people think, wear what makes you confident & comfortable, be true to yourself and then when it comes to a wedding there are all these rules on what is appropriate. When really what a guest wears to a wedding is not only their choice but doesn’t affect the bride & groom at all. 

    Maybe other bees can shed light on why these rules are out there and why they might take offense to them but I know nothing! 

    Post # 6
    102 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: Beach

    I think I’ve worn black to every wedding I’ve been to. Probably because all of my dresses are black. Poor color gets too much bad press, I think. 

    Post # 7
    1157 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2016

    For some cultures, wearing yellow or blue is taboo, and white is a funeral color. I hadn’t heard about red in typical American weddings.

    Post # 8
    990 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I wouldn’t wear white just because I wouldn’t want to cause drama/gossip, but I draw the line at red and black. Hell yes I would wear those colors. There should be some push-back against the trend of brides (and grooms? I’m adding this so as not to be sexist, but I’ve never heard of a groom going apeshit over a guest who dared to wear a suit the same color as his) to want to control what their attendants, mothers, mother-in-laws, and guests wear. To me, it comes across as weird, controlling and entitled.

    ETA – I’m American and I’m referring to American weddings. If I were invited to a wedding in another country/culture, and was told that a certain color is taboo, I’d respect that.

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 6 months ago by ohnatto.
    Post # 9
    722 posts
    Busy bee

    The one time I have worn black to a black tie wedding (evening gown type dress) it ended up also being the color the bridesmaids wore. It was simply a black and white wedding and I instantly felt like a total jerk as several people looked and axted as if I may be part of the bridal party. 

    I’ve never worn white to a wedding (and never will) and I’ve worn red but would avoid it if it were a ethnic wedding as red is a bridal color in some cultures. 

    Post # 10
    30400 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Like most things, these “rules” change over time and vary with cultures.

    Black dresses connote mourning and death for many people, but they are being worn more often both by BM’s and guests, especially to formal evening weddings.

    In western cultures, red is avoided by some because it it seen as attention seeking.

    And white, is reserved for the bride.

    Post # 11
    1191 posts
    Bumble bee

    View original reply
    julies1949:  Hi boot-finding friend 🙂 Nice to see you.

    I didn’t know that red was considered attention finding. I love red and have more red sweaters, sweatshirts, tshirts, etc than anyone alive. I think, then, that I might just be the world’s biggest attention whore. 🙂 HA!!!!

    I don’t think I have actually worn red to a wedding, though, but that was probably just by sheer luck since I wear it everywhere else.

    Post # 12
    417 posts
    Helper bee

    White is the color reserved for the bride. It is her day and considered rude to step on it. 

    Red- I am not sure. It might be that red is usually a ‘Hey look at me color’ on the brides day.

    Black is the color for funerals and mourning. In the past, wearing black to a wedding would be a signal that the woman disapproved of the wedding to the extent that she was in mourning over it. So wearing black to a wedding was a way of saying fu to one or both of the couple.

    Post # 13
    769 posts
    Busy bee

    I wore white to a wedding when I was 12 years old. The bride was my mom’s BFF and she didn’t say anything about it at all. That said, this was in Italy, where it’s a lot more acceptable to wear any color and a lot less acceptable to wear a cocktail dress to any sort of wedding — they care a lot more about being dressed elegantly and well than about the color. My mom wore a long black dress to this same wedding. (In Italy, purple is also considered a color reserved for funerals, and while most people don’t wear black, it’s just not THAT bad.)

    I wore a little black dress to my FSIL’s wedding 2 years ago. Tried to avoid it, but eventually I had to because I couldn’t find anything else and didn’t want to wear purple like the bridesmaids, plus her wedding colors were black, purple, and white, so I “matched” with the family, who all wore those colors, but didn’t look like part of the bridal party.

    And red is the bride’s color in Indian and Chinese culture, but other than that, I just think most people wouldn’t wear it because it’s flashy. 

    Truth be told, I don’t really care if anyone wears white or red or black to my wedding. My own dress probably won’t be white anyway. I’d be a lot more annoyed if people showed up in a t-shirt and/or jeans, or dressed like they’re going to the beach.

    Post # 14
    3526 posts
    Sugar bee

    I’ve heard it’s either too flashy/sexy or too attention grabby. Personally, I think these rules about what colour you can wear are pretty silly- even the “no white” rule.

    Post # 15
    7995 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 1997

    The basic idea has always been not to wear a “LOOK AT ME!” dress. So anything too short, too low cut, too revealing in general, too white or too bright has been off-limits. Red is a very “look-at-me” sort of colour, so many people avoid it. As for black, as long as you are wearing lighter accessories, it is fine. Indeed, from my experience, it has been the most common thing to wear to a wedding. Many nicer dresses are black, and as long as a person doesn’t look somber in their overall look, black is commonly worn to weddings.

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