(Closed) Spinoff: Why do engagements/weddings kill friendships?

posted 5 years ago in Beehive
Post # 2
Member
1444 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Bitches be jelly.

Really I think it depends, sometimes it’s just a coincidence, and other times maybe being engaged makes a person act more selfishly, or a friend getting engaged makes someone feel insecure. I had a close but long-distance friend whose engagement fell apart a couple months before my wedding, and then she was very short with me when I asked (nicely I think) if she was going to come since she hadn’t RSVP’d, and now we don’t talk anymore. I think it was too hard for her to see me in the middle of what she had wanted and thought she had and then she got busy and moved on from our friendship.

Post # 3
Member
4424 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

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MiniMeow:  I think it has a lot to do with how the person treats their friends during the process. Even if you would like them to take a more active role in the wedding process, some brides/grooms handle it really well, are respectful and considerate of their friends/family and understand that the world doesn’t revolve around them. Others just merely take advantage of their friends/family and do not show gratitude for what people choose to do for them. My two best friends got married within one year of each other. In the first wedding, my friend’s mom did go a little blah, but my friend stayed calm and had very reasonable expectations. She’s not the best at showing emotion, but did show her thanks for the shower we threw her and her really fun bachelorette party (a night out with dinner and drinks).

My friend who just got married was very much the opposite. Showed little to no real gratitude, expected wedding party to set up/move/clean up her reception space without asking (we saw this on the itinerary sent out right before leaving for her DW), didn’t thank me or our other friend for planning her weekend-long bachelorette weekend (others contributed and were thanked, but we weren’t). I have known for years that she deals a lot with insecurity and jealousy of other people and have always brushed it off. But she became so self-centered without so much as a thought to her friends, and that has really impacted my view of her. This friend made a sweeping comment about 2 years ago that she didn’t want ANY of her friends pregnant when she got married so they could drink with her. This is, of course, so ridicoulous. I am 4 months pregnant with my second (we lost our first child early in the pregnancy) and over Spring break (I’m a teacher) when it happened she texted and I let her know that I was dealing with it, she replied with a “I’m sorry, that’s really tough. Do you want to take your mind off of it and go do some wedding stuff?” WTF? Then, when I told them about this pregnancy around 8-9 weeks at dinner, she just kep saying “Wowww…that’s crazy.” No congratulations. My other friend was excited and we moved on to a different topic. So in her case, I would say it’s a lot of stuff compounded over time, but her wedding really brought out the worst side of her. Very sad that it happens that way sometimes.

ETA: Should add with second friend there are a lot of other things, but too much to write. I wouldn’t say our friendship was in danger before these past few months, but it was a constant mistreatment of all of our friends (including during the actual wedding activities) that has really pushed me away.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 2 months ago by  KatiePi.
Post # 4
Member
5187 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

Friendships get tarnished in cases where the bride (or groom) makes their entire life about the wedding, expects everyone else to care, and gets sour when they don’t. Read the numerous posts in the bridesmaids section. Brides choose these girls to stand with them because they have been close friends for years. When a chosen bridesmaid skips out on something wedding related she’s all of a sudden a flaky bitch and a bad friend.

Post # 5
Member
4424 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

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Aquaria:  Nicely said and much less ranty than mine. Just coming off of a bad one lol.

Post # 6
Member
9162 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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Aquaria:  or worse the bride/groom expects someone to change their personality because OMG my wedding!

Post # 7
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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MiniMeow:  i’ve noticed this too—so many reasons! here’s a few

– bride becomes too bridezilla/self absorbed in wedding, that’s all she talks about so no body wants to be around that

– bridesmaids/friends let down the bride during the planning process or wedding day (as PP said, not showing up to events = flaky bad friend)

– friends get jealous/insecure/competitive that their friend is “moving on to a new chapter”

– people (this happens with DH’s friends) ASSUME you are now busy being married, and don’t bother to call or invite you to events since they figure you already have plans with your spouse 

– the newlyweds move, and are now far away from friends and thus not included in social plans anymore

– the newlyweds are too busy in newlywed life, not putting time or priority into their friendships anymore

– perhaps the newlyweds only want to hang out with other couples. single people may feel the newlyweds are too smug or too “good” to hang out with singles anymore

– newlyweds can be boring–saying no to social activities so they can save money for a house/baby/etc, always being first to leave the bar to sleep early, no longer up for spontaneous plans

That’s all I can think of for now, but seems like a lot of reasons!

Post # 8
Member
1219 posts
Bumble bee

Or people say they are happy for you, can’t wait to do wedding stuff, and will help you with anything you need.  Then you have to put out a missing persons report.

Lots of people make promises they have no intention of keeping and some just can’t keep promises no matter how good their intentions are.

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