(Closed) SPINOFF: Why do people expect their parents to contribute to their wedding?

posted 8 years ago in Money
Post # 32
Member
1290 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I only expected my father to contribute because he did so with my 3 siblings. I am the youngest of 4, and the last of 4, to get married and I know he has contributed quite a bit to each for their weddings.

If they hadn’t have paid for my siblings, I probably wouldn’t  have even known that parents are supposed to pay for it. I’m kind of unaware of “traditions” like that.

My father is also very wealthy so the 20,000.00-25,000.00 he is contributing is really not a big deal to him. Plus, it makes him happy to “host” I think. He didn’t say so but I could tell that he was so happy my wedding invitations said “Mr and Mrs ::my parents:: request you at the marriage to their daughter ::me::” I mean, he paid for it! So I felt other should know how generous he is.

Post # 33
Member
4615 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Because my parents have spent my whole life telling me that when the times comes they will contribute.  That’s why.

Post # 34
Member
1578 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Country Club

My parents have always told me they would pay for my wedding. My Fiance and I could pay for a wedding if we had to, but really, it would put us in debt (or at least on a VERY tight budget). I’m contributing in ways that I can financially, and we are doing a lot of DIY-ing.

Post # 35
Member
2108 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

My dad is so excited for me to get married. He’s talked about it for years. (My mom is too, but my dad frequently watches SYYTTD and comes up with ideas for my wedding even though I’m not even engaged) I don’t expect him to pay for my wedding ever. But he will. He’s made that very clear my entire life. If he didn’t absolutely want to pay though, I would be more than happy to start a wedding fund and pay for my own wedding.

Post # 36
Member
2522 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’m the only daughter, and my parents told me they wanted me to not only have a nice wedding, but they didn’t want my marriage to start off with any financial strains. Thankfully me and my SO do not have any debt between us, and we wouldn’t go into debt for our wedding, but it really meant a lot to me that my parents have been so gracious in saving up since my SO made his intentions clear to them.

I do agree with PPs about the entitlement: our parents’ wealth is not the children’s. We should be thankful that our parents even consider to pay part of the wedding. My parents were very poor when they got married, and to see what they built for themselves is amazing. I feel very blessed that they are sharing parts of it with me to help me and my soon-to-be-FI (not just with the wedding, but in other ways too) to help our marriage get off to a good financial start.

Me & SO are finishing our good education and military training so we can do that same thing for our children.

Post # 37
Member
6262 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

Our parents are very well off, so they’re paying. They want to have a huge wedding and give us whatever we want, but they don’t want us to pay for it. They pay for everything, and we plan to do the same for our children. That said, we aren’t doing anything we can’t afford to pay for ourselves in the event that they were no longer footing the bill.

Post # 38
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I believe this was a spinoff of my post earlier. I only asked because everyone I know, including my sister’s wedding, was paid for at least in part by the parents. I would never (and still don’t) feel entitled to their money and believe I shouldn’t have to pay for my own wedding. My parents are the type that couldn’t even fathom not helping, even though they are not in the greatest financial place themselves. More than likely, we will be saving and having a longer engagement in order to be able to afford the type of wedding we want.

All in all, it’s just tradition. I was curious about what it’s like for other people, which is why I asked my original question. No “entitlement” or whatever rude thing you want to call it here. 

Post # 39
Member
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I never expected my parents to contribute, but then again, my parents paid for their own wedding themselves.

I was extremely flattered when I called Mum to tell her about the engagement and she said “We’d like to help out”. I thought she meant that my folks would put some money towards it, nothing big. But a few days later and I’m talking about how I don’t want to spend too much on a wedding, she clarified and told me that since I’m her only daughter she wants to pay for the whole thing. Wow. 

Post # 40
Member
9162 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
@HeMadeMeWantTo:  It’s easy to call things traditional when the “tradition” is beneficial.

This extactly!

I think if you want to stick to tradition well that is great but shouldn’t that also mean that mum and dad get to dictate how the wedding goes and in essence who the bride should marry since after all it is tradition? I am not talking about the people whose parents graciously offer assistance but those that feel entitled to their parents paying for their wedding.

Post # 41
Member
1975 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

View original reply
@j_jaye:  +2 this exactly

Post # 42
Member
872 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I didn’t expect my mom to pay anything, but she offered. She bought my dress….and then we paid her back because we felt bad. lol. 

Other then that we don’t expect her to help or my FI’s family, we’re paying for everything. 

Post # 43
Member
3306 posts
Sugar bee

I agree with tradition. If I were younger and still involved with my biological family, I probably would have expected it too. However, since I am older and already have children, I made sure to set aside money for our wedding. We will probably receive money from our families just because and my adopted mom has already picked her items she will pay for, but otherwise, due to our current situation, this is all us and I expect it to be.

Post # 44
Member
779 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I would say tradition for the most part. I mean, I’m 21, my Fiance is 22, we’re just starting out in life, but we’re in love, and we’re church goers, so we want to buy a place together, live together, start a life together. We were going to wait to get married, because we just couldn’t afford it, even talked about eloping, but my Dad would have zero talk of us paying for our entire wedding. I’m EXTREMELY thankful to my Dad, so is my Fiance. So the majority of the wedding is on him (we’re still getting our rings, grooms tux, brides hair, makeup, car rental, ect. Grooms side is paying for the honeymoon and my bouquet), and he’s not a very sentimental person, but this sort of thing is how he shows his love, by going above and beyond the call of duty, especially fiancially. He’s pretty great. 🙂 He paid for my sisters wedding too, and a huge chunk of my brothers wedding!

Post # 45
Member
1548 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t think its that people feel entitled to their parents money, its more of a fact that when your parents are well off, they continually tell you that they will pay for your wedding. And I know I will be doing the same for my children.

My parents don’t want us to start our life in financial strain, they want to help and allow us to start our lives without the debt of a wedding. 

Post # 46
Member
872 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I didn’t expect it. In fact, when my now husband first mentioned marriage, I called up my mom and cried because I knew I’d never be able to give him a nice wedding – I never thought I’d get married so I didn’t have a wedding fund and all my money was tied up in investments that weren’t very liquid.  I was shocked when she told me they’d planned on paying if I ever got married.  I mean, I was 30, why would I expect them to pay for anything?

ETA: Wow, I made it sound like she called me an old maid, lol.  

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