(Closed) Spinoff: why is a honeymoon registry considered tacky, but a gift registry isn't

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
Member
3088 posts
Sugar bee

I won’t be offended per say. But, a honeymoon registry is the same as asking for money. So, I can see why according to the etiquette police, it may be considered tacky.

Post # 17
Member
9575 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Because not everyone wants to give cash! It’s pushy to ask for it and redundant because DUH everyone likes money. A registry is an option if the guest wants guidance for a boxed gift. No one needs guidance to write a check. With the registry the guest can find deals and sales, or do something else entirely vs a gimmicky cash grab. Dress is up how ever you like but asking for money will always be poor form. It’s your wedding not a fundraiser. 

Post # 18
Member
9575 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

And I also want to add, etiquette is not a bunch of arbitrary rules to make people high and mighty..: Its to make sure no one feels uncomfortable. You don’t ask for money because it embarrasses people who can’t afford to give what they think is a thoughtful amount. So your cousin who can only squeeze 30$ from their budget can get a thoughtful gift worth more than the price she paid (in thought and cash value) vs feeling either stingy/embarrassed, or guilty for not complying because the gift is only worth the cash amount.

Post # 19
Member
1417 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

View original reply
MrsBuesleBee:  This +100!!  

Post # 20
Member
3865 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

I don’t see a difference. ALL registries are just suggestions. I’m not required to pay for a honeymoon experience or buy that premium toaster oven. I’m not offended by suggestions, I’m offended by demands (like “cash only” or something like that)

Post # 21
Member
3607 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
loveisbrewing:  I’m not really sure either. If I were planning on spending, say, $100 on a gift, it would make no difference to me whether I handed the B&G a check, spent that $100 on a toaster, or donated it to their Honeyfund. I think some people are always on the lookout for things to be offended about. If you can only spend a small amount on a gift, the B&G are going to know you bought something from their registry for $25 vs. donating $25 to their honeymoon fund. It’s not like they don’t know how much their own registry items cost.

The only thing I don’t like about services like Honeyfund or Zola is that they charge a fee.

Post # 22
Member
2180 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t understand the huge difference between paying $60 for a marble pastry board as a registry item vs giving $60 to the couple via check or honeyfund, but whatever. Taxes on a physical gift and ‘processing fees’ for a monetary one both eat a little chunk of your cash. 

A friend of mine and her now-husband are capital-O Outdoorsy people. They’ve lived together for years and their little apartment is neatly packed to the gills with stuff. They go whitewater rafting often and set up a honeyfund to buy a new raft (that guests could join them on of course) to replace their old one that was on it’s last leg. Rafts are very expensive (think ‘nice used car’ prices) and the honeyfund was divvied up into small chunks for oars, the frame, etc. It was nice being able to chip in for something they actually wanted and needed instead of more stuff they already had or didn’t have space for. Only two or three guests brought physical gifts to the large wedding.

Post # 23
Member
2942 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Honestly, I think Honeymoon funds are kind of the same as getting cash, so I personaly wouldn’t contribute to one, just put the cash in a card.  This is why I think they are just unecessary middle man industry that have grown up to make money off wedding.  DH and I opened our cards before we left for our honeymoon and used the money we got for spending money.  A honey fund would have only put a middle man between us and that money.  Maybe ettiqute wise they are in a middle ground of accpetablity, but your guests gifts are partially stuck going to servicing fees now.

Go-fund-me is very different in my opinion than a honeymoon registiry .  The spirit of go-fund-me is at it’s heart a charity website.  The way it should be used is when you had some sort of life event (serious illness, unexpected death) that causes you to need cash fast, or that hs put you in a bad unexpected place.  Maybe a last trip for a dying loved one.   Go-fund-me’s used for superfiols items for able bodied adults makes me sick a little bit.  Espeically published on FB. 

Post # 24
Member
1270 posts
Bumble bee

People don’t need to be told to give you cash for your wedding/honeymoon to give you cash for your wedding/honeymoon. If you don’t want stuff, just don’t make a registry and people will either…

A). Give you cash
B). Give you a gift they find appropriate (and if you’re a polite human being with good manners you will accept it in the spirit of gratitude)

Gifts are not something you get a say in. They’re a “I thought of you and how you might like/enjoy this”, not “gimme this or gimme that”. Honeyfunds and gofundmes (for weddings/honeymoons, not for charity) are tacky because they are presumptious.

Post # 25
Member
3607 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
nowyouareaghost:  “Gifts are not something you get a say in.”

Are you against gift registries as well? The same logic would seem to apply there. 

Post # 26
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2016 - New Orleans, LA

I don’t see the problem either.  $100 in cash, or on a honeyfund, or on a kitchen appliance. Why should I care what you choose to do with my gift?  It isn’t about me. It’s about the couple for one day. One day! Let the couple decide if they need a honeymoon or if they need towels. Seriously.

Post # 27
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2013

We had 2 store/gift registry and a honeymoon registry.   Our honeymoon registry was “sold out” and everything was purchased for us 2 days after we posted it.   If people find it tacky or offensive, nobody in our family/friends circle minded it.  In, fact, people were kind of bummed it sold out so fast because a lot more people wanted to give to that.   We were blown away by the generosity.  We also took pictures on the honeymoon while we were doing the activities and emailed them or included them in the thank you cards of the people that paid.   People seemed to get a kick out of that.

Post # 30
Member
2414 posts
Buzzing bee

A “gift” is an offering chosen and freely given by the giver without (theoretically) being expected by the recipient.

A fund is not only indicating an expectation of a gift but in addition, what the gift is expected to be.

A registry is a list of suggestions that the giver may or may not choose to purchase for the recipient.

The difference of one category from another seems pretty clear to me.

I think “Here’s your invitation, send money” is a little less crass than “Here’s your invitation, minimum $100 per guest suggested”, but not by much.

I’ve seen ’em all.

The topic ‘Spinoff: why is a honeymoon registry considered tacky, but a gift registry isn't’ is closed to new replies.

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