(Closed) Spinoff: why is a honeymoon registry considered tacky, but a gift registry isn't

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 31
Member
660 posts
Busy bee

i don’t get peoples’ offense with honeyfunds either. your guests will want to get you something that you would like or need. as a guest, i’d rather give someone something they really wanted – whether its dish towels or dinner for two from the honeyfund account. if guests don’t like the options, they’ll do what my great aunt did – buy a gift they think the couple will need…and then the couple will return it 🙂

i don’t see the difference in saying “please spend $100 and buy me this set of steak knives” or telling people they can contribute whatever they would like to building a great vacation for you.

registries are great, and if we needed stuff for our house i would totally have one, but i don’t see how it as any less rude to tell people “i anticpate you’re going to buy me someting, so here i made a list for you.”

Post # 32
Member
1270 posts
Bumble bee

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FantasticFawn: I think registries are more like suggestions, but nobody is obligated to get you the stuff on them. I have an issue with honeyfunds and gofundmes for this purpose because money is an obvious alternative, no one needs to be told to give it.

Post # 34
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee

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loveisbrewing:  yea I saw that thread too but it was closed before I could reply to the OP that I think it’s totally fine. Giving money or giving gifts feel like pretty much the same to me. I recently saw the honeymoon fund option on my friends’ registry and glady pitched into that. Bottom line when I gift someone, imagining the happy face of the receiver is what makes it all worthwhile for me. Hence, knowing my two very good friends are going to have a lovely honeymoon which I partly contributed is rewarding enough. I don’t really understand what the big fuss is about over the method of gifting. If the couple is happy, I’m happy.

Post # 35
Member
3607 posts
Sugar bee

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nowyouareaghost:  I guess where our views diverge is that I see both gift registries and Honeyfunds as suggestions for those who want to give the couple something. I don’t think having a Honeyfund creates a requirement for your guests to donate to it any more than creating a gift registry creates a requirement for your guests to buy you a present from it. A Honeyfund is a different than cash IMO because it allows the giver to feel like they still gave the B&G something (if not a tangible gift, then an “experience”), which seems to be important to some people, rather than just giving them a check that might be used toward groceries. Not having a Honeyfund myself, but I just can’t understand the uproar over them on the Bee (forget about the Knot, haha).

Post # 36
Member
2127 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

I’m not a fan of registries or honeyfunds. I do give via them though. But I’d honestly rather write a cheque, or in the case of a best friend or someone I know super well I’ll buy them a present that I know they want/need. I’ll not be registering, or doing a honeyfund, or asking for money. I also won’t be asking for “no gifts” either.

Post # 37
Member
1270 posts
Bumble bee

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FantasticFawn:  Okay, I see. I don’t have a problem with people buying experiences (which I would find similar to someone buying a giftcard for a spa, etc), that actually sounds like a lot of fun for the couple and a nice gift. If that is how the money in a honeyfund is directed, then I’m all for it. I do associate gofundmes with charity, though, so it doesn’t feel right (to me) as far as a wedding/honeymoons are concerned.

Post # 39
Member
3607 posts
Sugar bee

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nowyouareaghost:  Oh, no way do I think people should create a GoFundMe account for a wedding. I agree that those are only for charity. When it comes down to it, I don’t even think there is a practical difference, but the difference in elegance and presentation is everything (kind of like how I won’t be wearing jeans to my wedding…I’d be just as married at the end of the day, but presentation). I would write a check before I would donate to a GoFundMe…same thing really, but I’d feel better for doing it that way. I thought this thread was more about Honeyfund or Wanderable-type registries than GoFundMe.

Post # 40
Member
3459 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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loveisbrewing:  this is EXACTLY the same thing to me. I have no idea why people see them as different. I’m not saying that honeyfunds are tacky, but if they are, gift registries are equally so.

Post # 41
Member
964 posts
Busy bee

I find honeymoon registries horribly tacky because it’s basically begging for cash for a highly unnecessary expense. People know you like cash; they don’t need motivation through a site that withholds fees (which most do). A lot of people don’t take honeymoons due to the expense, and it seems very rude to encourage guests to fund a luxury trip you don’t actually need to take. 

 

Post # 42
Member
3459 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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raliel:  Can I ask a question about this?

Would you feel the same way if the trip was already paid for and the options for “experiences” one could buy were things like dinners and drinks and massages?

I ask because I had a honeyfund, but it wasn’t a blanket request for money. People had the option of buying us experiences. I’ve seen people register for their plane tickets, which…ok, whatever floats your boat. But nobody who contributed to our honeyfund was actually “funding” our honeymoon, if that makes sense.

Post # 44
Member
893 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think registries of ANY kind are awful, honeyfund or Macy’s or whatever.  Gifts are just that, gifts, to be chosen and freely given by the giver.  Having a list of things you’ll accept?  It makes me cringe.  It’s basically telling your guests “I don’t think you have any taste or a brain in your head, so I’m telling you what to buy for me.”  

Post # 45
Member
2076 posts
Buzzing bee

My question about honeyfunds is this.  So a guest decides to “purchse” you an excursion for your honeymoon through your honeyfund.  They purchase this excursion two days prior to your wedding.  You go on your honeymoon the day after your wedding.  Well the honeyfund website hasn’t had a chance to send you the check for that excursion, so what do you do?  Do you pay for it out of your own pocket and then get reimbursed when the check does come in the mail?  Or do you just not do that excursion and then pocket the money so basically not using the gift you were given?

Now, as a guest, if I could actually book/reserve/schedule you a romantic dinner that would be great and I would be happy to do it.  But if I wanted to give you money to use on your honeymoon then I would put $100 in cash in a card and write “Please use this for a nice dinner on your honeymoon.”  No need for me to have to go through a third party to give you money.

The topic ‘Spinoff: why is a honeymoon registry considered tacky, but a gift registry isn't’ is closed to new replies.

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