(Closed) SpinOff – Why is choosing to be a SAHW/SAHM considered a cop out?

posted 4 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 136
Member
2680 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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peegee :  I don’t remember that thread, but not surprised some people can be insensitive jerks from time to time….hopefully most people are reasonable & empathetic!

Post # 137
Member
555 posts
Busy bee

If a woman stays home and literally cooks and cleans, maybe does some gardening around the house it would save a shitload of money in my area. A good cleaning lady costs you 20$ an hour, gardeners even more and cooking at home (as opposed to eating out or bringing in) also saves a ton of money. Sure, not everyone who works also has a cleaning lady etc., but it is something to consider and most people that I know hire someone to clean and do the yard. I am just saying that just because you don’t get a paycheck it doesn’t mean you’re not contributing. 

Post # 138
Member
949 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I find a significant amount of fulfillment from my profession–certainly it is also stressful at times (usually because I care too much to let the little things go or do a half-assed job), but my favorite part of my day typically is sitting down for dinner with my husband and talking about our days. I also need to have goals for myself, and without my job I am not sure what I would be working toward. My husband and I share all of the household responsibilities–laundry, cleaning, cooking, dishes, grocery shopping, etc. We pull equal weight and therefore taking care of our house isn’t “work.” I would definitely not rule about being a Stay-At-Home Mom, but I wouldn’t find any fulfillment in being a Stay-At-Home Wife. Taking care of our house and building a life together is OUR responsibility, not just mine…and he can pack his own damn lunch!

Post # 139
Member
202 posts
Helper bee

 AORiver15 :  Question, because I think about this a lot. Many women have mentioned something along the lines of you “and he can pack his own damn lunch.”

You and your husband share all of the household responsibilites, which is great, but IF one person contributes more to the house, financially, do you feel that the other person should contribute MORE to the household responsibilities you mentioned? As in, 60% vs. 40% financially should then equate to 40% vs. 60% in household responsibilities? In order to average out to 50/50 (well, 100% from each)  so both parties are pulling “equal weight.”

I’m sure there are many women who DO NOT enjoy packing their SO’s lunch, but do it anyway because that is part of their contribution to the household? I don’t mean to project this onto anyone specific, but this is actually how I feel. I mean I hate packing lunches, lol. But I contribute significantly less money (than my SO) to the cost of the house my SO and I live in (because he makes more money than I do). So my contribution to the household has to be in a non-financial way in order for me to be “pulling equal weight”…

Thoughts?

Post # 140
Member
1985 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I’m a huge feminist. I support a womans right to choose how she spends her life. 

I can’t lie, I don’t understand stay at home housewife, but that’s me. But I wont tell a woman she can’t be.  

 

Post # 141
Member
10644 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

People here keep saying that staying at home is a privilege.  I don’t think many people realize just how much of a privilege it is to be well enough to work though.\

What do I do with my time?  Sleep lots because I need it.  Rest after doing minor things.  Spend hours in doctors offices.  Get calls that I need to show up to get a medication or medical supply within a 2 hour timeframe unexpectedly.

Taking care of ME is a hard job at times.  I do things that homecare nurses are not allowed to do, due to the difficulty and treating oneself is much more difficult than treating another person.

Post # 142
Member
2030 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

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samjam :  My husband makes more than I do. That doesn’t mean I work less hours or not as hard as him. So everything is equal at home. Chores are 50/50. We clean together. We pack our lunches on our own but often at the same time. Sometimes I’ll put out things for him, sometimes he will box up something for me. But everything is 50/50 as much as possible.

Post # 143
Member
2454 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Being a Stay-At-Home Wife is only ok if being a SAHH is ok.

Post # 144
Member
3109 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

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courtneysokal :  Who said anything about everyone not working? We are talking about a specific percetage of people here. As it is now, the unemployment rate is too high, what would happen if the millions of SAHW/SAHM decided to work and/or go on social benefits instead? Would that be contributing to the community? 

Post # 145
Member
1076 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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samjam :  I pack my husband a lunch. Everyday. Because it takes literally two seconds while I put dinner away anyway. He always takes leftovers to work for lunch so I just toss some in a plastic container before I put the rest up.

Im not sure why others had such an issue with it. It’s not as if I put in juice boxes and homemade cookies with a napkin that includes a sweet message. But even if I did! Who the F cares?? My husband does a lot of things that I cannot or choose not to do like taking out the trash, carrying in the water cases, yard work, servicing our vehicles etc. He can’t fry an egg so I take on all responsibilities in the kitchen.

I honestly think the “packing husband a lunch” comment was made purely as a mocking jab. Whatever. Gotta go make hubby a hot meal, he’ll be coming home from work soon 🙄

Post # 146
Member
1537 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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amb1030 :  
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samjam :  Have y’all seen the crazy bento box lunches Japanese wives make?  I can see how these COULD take all day, lol!  

P.S. They’re  all expected to quit their job and stay home when they get married.  Unsurprisingly marriage rate is catastrophically low and government is literally paying singles to go out and date.

Post # 147
Member
2030 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

 

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peegee :  Well you asked, “Is working really a contribution to the community?” So I just answered that question. If someone is working, theoretically that job is needed by the community. So I think the answer is yes, working and being employed is providing some value and contribution to the community.

I don’t know what would happen if all the SAHWs/SAHMs decided to go back to work. I would guess that that situation can’t happen since many of those women are unable to work for various reasons (such as health reasons like you mentioned of another Bee). So there is no sense in ruminating over what would happen in that situation.

For the record, I’m not against SAHMs/SAHWs. My mom was a Stay-At-Home Mom and it was the best choice for our family. I just can’t imagine not working if I didn’t also have children to look after—at this point in time. I fear I would get bored and feel like I could be doing something else. That’s just my opinion. You said that you work part-time freelancing and also run a blog, so I don’t know that I would consider you a Stay-At-Home Wife. You might call yourself that, but I think you’re doing work and providing value to the people who use your recipes!

I also love that we can have these discussion/debates on Wedding Bee. It’s great to see different opinions and new ideas.

Post # 148
Member
202 posts
Helper bee

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courtneysokal :  I believe this is the crux of the entire discussion: “You might call yourself that, BUT…I think you’re doing work and providing value…”

As in, someone who is NOT doing work (which is subjective) is not providing any VALUE (to what, I am unsure…I suppose the community?) and is thus not making the right choice/living the right lifestyle.

And so the question is…why is someone who is not doing “work” seen as not providing VALUE? 

Post # 149
Member
202 posts
Helper bee

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camenae :  Those are SUPER cute though! 

Post # 150
Member
1985 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

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AB Bride :  I know I am not OP. But thank you for your answer. I had not thought of an illness being a reason for the need to stay home. 

The topic ‘SpinOff – Why is choosing to be a SAHW/SAHM considered a cop out?’ is closed to new replies.

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