(Closed) Spinoff: Why is it rude not to bring a gift?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
4371 posts
Honey bee

@Corilee13: If you did your friend’s flowers, that would be considered your wedding gift to her. You don’t have to bring something else too. Many times people send gifts to the couple before the wedding, so you won’t necessary see them at the wedding gift table.

For those guests that can’t afford a gift (or don’t want to give one, for whatever reason), they should bring at least a card to the reception. The idea is that you wouldn’t go empty-handed to someone’s dinner party anyway. You would at least bring a bottle of wine, or some flowers.

Post # 5
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

What @SoupyCat: said… arranging the flowers IS a gift.. my friend who does hair gave me a card that said ‘free highlight and hair cut before your big day’ and that was the best gift I got (and very generous) IMO. I just think that when you show up, you should give a little token of congratulations, which in some people’s case is a card, for others its $500, for some helping set up for the big day, for others its the $5 can opener off your registry.

Post # 7
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@Corilee13:maybe you can give them a card that say congrats and you hope that they enjoy the flowers? What you did would for their wedding is incredibly generous, thoughtful, and sweet. I think that would be really nice!

Post # 8
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would also search this subject on weddingbee – you’ll have reading material for awhile!

Post # 10
Member
5497 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think the gist is that if the couple is spending several dollars on sometimes elaborate favors,  $25/plate (example, not always true) and have an open bar (again, not always the case) you can at least bring a card to say congrats instead of just going empty handed.

If you arranged their flowers for them, that is gift enough. You don’t have to bring something else. = )

Post # 12
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think etiquette actually dictates that it is rude to BRING a gift to a wedding.  Gifts should be sent to the home before or after the wedding.  When a gift is brought to the wedding the couple then has to figure out how to get it back home, etc.  However, I do think it is better to bring a gift to the wedding than to not give anything at all.

Post # 14
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

While I think its nice to give a wedding gift, and i always do, i dont think its rude not to nor should the bride and groom expect a gift from everyone. The purpose of a wedding is not the gifts, and if it is you are having a wedding for the wrong reasons. Its funny to me that it is considered rude to put your registry info on the invites or request cash gifts, because you are not supposed to ask for gifts,  but its not considred rude to complain about someone not bringing you anything.

I do agree that you should at least bring a card or something, but i personally would not take offense if someone did not bring us anything, as long as they showed up to celebrate with us.

Post # 15
Member
2606 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Probably the reason you see only a handful of gifts at the wedding, is that the others have given cash or a cheque in a card.  It’s rude to come to a wedding without a gift because it’s rude to come to any major celebration without a gift.

Post # 16
Member
1935 posts
Buzzing bee

I always think that you should give a gift equal to or more than the value of the dinner they are paying for you. Rightly or wrongly, this is how I gauge wedding gift giving… If I know dinner is $150 a plate, the gift I get them will be nicer than the one I give for someone who pays $50 a plate. If it’s potluck, I’ll still give a gift but it won’t be near as expensive as a normal wedding gift. Maybe it’s because I’m a student and don’t have much money, but I think you always need to bring a gift of some kind to a wedding – whether it’s actually brought to the wedding or a service you are providing for them – something needs to be given no matter what.

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