(Closed) Spinoff: Why try to be a "finished product" before marriage?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 62
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I don’t think it has anything to do with being a “Finished product”


Stability in your life leads to less stress in your NEW marriage. Along with the financial benefits of two people having careers before dropping money on a wedding…


We didn’t have any timelines set, but it worked out that we will be buying a house BEFORE we get married. Mainly because well, we want a house.

Post # 64
231 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@sweet5k:  Oh yeah, definitely we have different situations but I guess that’s wherein lies the important decision – even with that article, what marriage means to each person is just that — an individual conviction. =] I guess some people are now treating it as that “capstone” of having made it in some way. For others, it’s an arbitrary date because of preexisting committment. And to some, it’s a different concept and therefore something that is a priority before pursuing something else. I suppose if I were in your place and didn’t have the option of living together, I’d be making it a bigger priority to happen sooner rather than later if it kept us from being together for life’s struggles and achievements.

I guess it depends on where you’re coming from, where you’re at now, and in that mix, what it means to you.

Post # 65
3686 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

If the two people are more stable as individuals, the relationship will be more solid.

Post # 66
231 posts
Helper bee

@sweet5k:  You’re right: if you want to be totally together before starting the next part of your lives, you’re never going to start because you’re never going to be totally together. As soon as you reach one plateau, another one forms in the distance! However, it is nice to grow as individuals before forming one unit.

Post # 67
446 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I really think that for me and my SO it’s been a financial reason to wait.  We already live together and share finances, have shared car insurance, have a dog, etc.  All the things our married friends are doing.  The only thing I refuse to do while not married is have kids.  I think for legal reasons, being married before having kids is a priority for me.

But we’ve talked about getting engaged for 2 years.  Reasons we decided it wasn’t the right time:

– Still getting established in our careers and have smaller salaries

– Don’t have enough savings to pay for the dream ring/wedding

– Don’t have enough PTO from work to take time off for a honeymoon

And finally we decided that nothing would be different if we were married except the rings and maybe our taxes.  And I’d switch to his health insurance.  But besides that, we were already at the commitment level of marriage, so there was no reason to rush.

I think it’s a whole lot different if you can’t live together, then you are not sharing life/expenses like a lot of us do prior to marriage.

Now that we’re more financially stable and I can see kids in our future, it’s time for us.

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