(Closed) (Spinoff!) Will your FMIL be with you on the wedding morning?

posted 6 years ago in Family
  • poll: Where will your FMIL be the morning of the wedding?
    She will be with the girls getting ready. : (80 votes)
    36 %
    She will be with her son/daughter the morning of. : (58 votes)
    26 %
    She will be with neither. : (62 votes)
    28 %
    Other! : (21 votes)
    10 %
  • Post # 62
    Member
    79 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: March 2014 - Aliso Viejo Conference Center

    My Future Mother-In-Law will probably be with Fiance on the day of but I think I can expect her to pop in for a few minutes of girls fun! Future Mother-In-Law only has 2 boys and Fiance is her first to get married so I want to make her experience with our wedding great 🙂

    Post # 64
    Member
    206 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I wish there was an option for definitely not! In addition to talking about incredibly innapropriate things, it doesn’t even seem like she wants to come to our destination wedding ( a story/rant for another post). I sincerely feel bad for my FI;we initially wanted to just elope and he’s getting no emotional support from his fam.

    Post # 65
    Member
    1210 posts
    Bumble bee

    I’m going to invite my Future Mother-In-Law to get ready with the BMs and my mom. Since her 2 daughters will be bridesmaids, I sort of feel obligated to invite her as well, since she will have nobody to get ready with otherwise. We get along okay, but I’m not going to be crying if she says she has other plans.

    Post # 66
    Member
    1647 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013 - Rustic mill, historical site

    @Jw1724:  

    I voted other because my Mother-In-Law came to have her hair and make up done with us, then went back to get ready with the boys, since the photographers were at her house first before coming to the girls, then to the venue.

    We chose to include her on the details of our wedding AFTER the decisions were made.   She can be very opinionated (in fact, a couple of weeks before the wedding, she decided she wanted open bar and to upgrade the wine option so she called the organizer and had it all changed, without my permission.  Then when I went to see the guy to sign all the papers, he gave me the new price for the upgrades and I was like, wtf? I don’t want that! I found out later that she’d stuck her nose where it didn’t belong) and ‘I get what I want’ kind of attitude.    She’s a lovely woman, but you have to know how to handle it.   My husband made the mistake of calling them to tell them I was in the hospital ready to deliver, and she came with her husband.   We told everyone we did not want anyone there.   She came anyway.   Was shooed out of the room when it was time to push, then she just moseyed on back in.   So she witnessed the birth and my mother did not because she respected our wishes.   My mother will NEVER forgive for that.   Not that it was my fault, but my mother doesn’t like his mother much becasue of that.   

    We try to include both sets of parents in all the big decisions we make, not necessarily for opinions, but we like to share once the decisions have been made so there are no hurt feelings.   

    Post # 67
    Member
    1647 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013 - Rustic mill, historical site

    I should mention that my mother in law, with her husband, have FIVE boys between them.   No girls.    So this special girly stuff is kind of foreign to her.

    Post # 68
    Member
    103 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I plan on inviting her to get her hair and makeup done with us the morning of. Fiance is the oldest of two boys and I know she appreciates being included int he planning. When I took her dress shopping with me and my mom and Maid/Matron of Honor, she thanked me profusely afterwards saying that she never thought she’d have the opportnuity to do soemthing like that and it meant a lot to her. I’m happy to have her there!

    Post # 69
    Member
    859 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @Jw1724:  that’s very sweet of you to include her! 

    My Future Mother-In-Law will definitely be with me. I absolutely love her!!! And she and my mom are friends. I feel super lucky to have such a great Father-In-Law situation. 

    Post # 70
    Member
    1723 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 1998

    I suspect my mother-in-law felt left out, but my mom wasn’t involved in wedding planning, either. She acted as a storage unit for our wedding, as we were still living in a very small apartment at the time. Beyond that, my mom really wasn’t involved with the wedding either. She helped set up and break down at the wedding; Mother-In-Law was invited that morning to pick out which tables she wanted reserved for her family. I don’t know her that well, and just didn’t feel comfortable asking her to take on any responsibilities other than that. I feel a lot more comfortable asking that of my own family, and my husband didn’t seem to mind.

     

    That said, I have tried to keep things as equal as I can with *big* announcements. When we got engaged, we each called our parents and siblings at the same time, so there was no, “Her family found out first!” I will do the same if we ever have a child.

     

    To so blatantly favor one parent over another is appalling. 

     

    I would only call someone the following morning if they explicitly said they didn’t want late-night calls, or if I wasn’t sure (if the baby was born during the night). The ostracism is very clear in your case, OP.

     

    My brother’s wife is like that. Her entire family was in the hospital when she was giving birth. I’d put together a big gift basket because I knew that everyone was bound to be tired after such a long day. I gave it to her mom to take back to the room. I showed up about 2 hours before she had the baby and waited in the lobby. 

     

    …I found out an hour later, as I was gathering my things to leave the hospital (it was getting late and we had work the next morning) that my nephew had been born. From my mother. By phone. She wasn’t even in the hospital. Meanwhile, SIL’s dad, brother-in-law and sister all knew, knew that I was there waiting, they were all standing in the lobby at the other side of the room…and not one could bother to come by and say, “Hey, did you hear?” 

     

    What really pissed me off is that her sister came out, got on the phone to tell her husband so he could come to the hospital, and apparently couldn’t find any time to tell us. 

     

    My brother came out half an hour after that (nearly two hours after the baby’s birth) and mentioned it to us. SIL’s mom called SIL’s sister and told her she could come back. My husband had decided that if they chose not to acknowledge us at that point, he was going to grab my hand and insist on it ( 😀 ).

     

    I can say from experience that it is very painful to be shut out. I have killed my SIL with kindness for 15 years. One thing is for sure…they never change. Can’t say how many times I’ve reached out to her with a kind gesture, a gift, etc., and never received even a “thank-you.” The times she does actually give a thanks, it’s always very blunt and backhanded in nature (“There was absolutely no need to do that,” or my favorite, when my mom handed her some clothes for the baby, she blurted out, “UGH, everyone’s getting that size for him!” which led to some great awkwardness). 

     

    I’ve just learned that she’s always going to be an ungrateful bitch. I keep it in my mind that anything I do, I do out of love for my brother and my nephew, but I accept that we’re always going to be -second-tier- family to him. Hers will always very obviously come first.

     

    In any case, I’m derailing, but thought I’d share my own SIL story. 

     

    Post # 71
    Member
    549 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    @Jw1724:  I dont think that a Future Mother-In-Law should be included in the bride’s portion unless she is paying, but that is me.

    My mom, technically said Future Mother-In-Law, both times my brother was married, PAID both times my brother was married so yes she had a all the say.

    That being said, your question was where mine would be? She will not even be at the wedding, not invited, so I don’t know where she might be.

    The first time I was married I am not sure where my Mother-In-Law was either, again, I did not feel compelled to include her. My mama paid for and planned everything.

    Post # 72
    Member
    292 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    @Jw1724:  That is really nice of you to include her. If my Future Mother-In-Law didn’t have an undying hate for me because “I am not like the rest of her family” she would be getting ready with us also. We aren’t sure where she will be getting ready because Fiance doesn’t want her with him cause she will stress him out. I guess she will just get ready with her mother that day.

    Post # 73
    Member
    23 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    Can I vote for “God I hope not”?

    Post # 74
    Member
    304 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    @Jw1724:  God I hope not. I haven’t though out it yet but she is the queen of drama so I hope she will be with her family the morning of

    Post # 74
    Member
    1678 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Jw1724:  for most of the morning, she will be helping my mother and other family members/friends set up the venue for the wedding…then she’ll be by to see us and get ready.

    Post # 75
    Member
    1648 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Jw1724:  she won’t be with us, I assume she’ll be with the men…she’s a welcome to stay with us, but since she’s not getting her hair and make up done with the other ladies, she’ll be getting ready pretty much by herself otherwise. 

    The topic ‘(Spinoff!) Will your FMIL be with you on the wedding morning?’ is closed to new replies.

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