(Closed) Spinoff: Would You Adopt a Child Even If….

posted 8 years ago in The Lounge
  • poll: Which one applies to you? (please substitute "would" for "have" if you've already made this choice)
    I would only adopt if I could not have biological children of my own. : (121 votes)
    37 %
    I plan to adopt as well as have biological children. : (60 votes)
    19 %
    I plan to adopt instead of having biological children (although I am able to; I'd prefer to adopt). : (16 votes)
    5 %
    If I found out I could not have biological children, I would not adopt; I would be child-free. : (30 votes)
    9 %
    I don't plan to have any kids ever. : (29 votes)
    9 %
    Other - please explain! :) : (15 votes)
    5 %
    I just plain don't know what I would do right now - I haven't decided yet! : (52 votes)
    16 %
  • Post # 47
    Member
    484 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I don’t know if I can confidently answer “yes” or “no” to this question, because you never know where life can take you, but I wouldn’t ever rule it out. 

    My older sister is adopted. My family began fostering her when she was 13 months old. We were her first home outside of the chldren’s hospital she spent those first 13 months, where her wee body cheated death many many times. My mom was a nurse and my parents decided to foster a child, with the intention of nursing her back to health and returning her to her birth family. After uncovering that her official diagnosis was Fetal Alchohol Syndrome and developmental disability, caused my her mother’s own cognitive challenges and drinking while preganant, my parents decided they would like to adopt her.

    Her mother would never have been able to care for her- she was assessed to be at 8-10 year old cognitive level herself- and my sisters health and developmental challenges in her early life (24 hour oxygen, hyperactivity, feeding challenges, prone to illness, surgeries, speech and language therapy, occupational therapy, child psychology/play therapy, to name a few) would have been too much for her mother to handle. Not to mention, we fell in love with her and she became a part of our family the minute she entered the house. I can’t imagine my life without her. 

    My parents would have never predicted this path, and they have 3 other biological children, but it doesn’t make my sister any less their child, and they wouldn’t do it any differently. So.. my answer is “We shall see”, because I’ll never try to predict how my life will play out. 

    Post # 49
    Member
    10451 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2014

    I wouldn’t mind adopting a little Asian girl (fiancé is Chinese too) so she would even look like ours! I dot think I ever want to be pregnant, it freaks me the hell out.

    Post # 50
    Member
    2699 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I’ve actually talked to Fiance about this. I’d love to adopt a child regardless of whether we can have our own.

    Post # 51
    Member
    873 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I have always had the desire to adopt a child dating back to when I was in Elementary school. No idea why that even entered my mind that young. It is something I would consider, but is so damn expensive!! Ughh!

    Post # 52
    Member
    4322 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 1992

    @Juliepants:  I have been a fan of adopting for years, and prefer it over naturally birthing children. Both of my parents were adopted, and I love(d) my grandparents dearly. 

    If I can open my home the way they did, selflessly and unconditionally to make someone else’s life better, why wouldn’t I? 

    Post # 53
    Member
    5543 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: December 2011

    Yep. We plan to even if/when we have our own. Obviously we haven’t tried yet but if we can’t get pregnant, I don’t want crazy medical interventions. A kid we adopt is no less ours if it didn’t from my uterus. Ideally, I want to have to bio kids and adopt two, preferably siblings so they don’t get broken us. Darling Husband thinks four is a lot and wants to cap at three so we shall see. Not having kids (bio or adopted) has never been an option for us!

    Post # 54
    Member
    125 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    My husband wanted biological children, but unless my juice feast/raw/asian detox diet works to get rid of it entirely, I may not be able to.  And he is fine with that.  He doesn’t want to hurt me in any way, and if biological children would make me end up like my sister after she had kids (worst case of fibro her doctors have ever seen), he doesn’t want biological kids.  The most important thing in his life after God is me, so he is fine whatever way we go.

     

    I want to adopt children because as my husband and I are Christians, we’ve been called to help orphans and widows in their distress, and part of that means bringing homeless children into our home and giving them a forever family.  I’ve also felt like it was something I was being called to do from a very young age.  My aunt adopted, and I developed a great passion to do the same.

    Post # 55
    Member
    8036 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2013

    @Juliepants:  I’d be ok with adopting, but my bf really really wants biological children. I don’t feel so strongly about adopting that it’s a dealbreaker for me, though. I have to admit I am not looking forward to the being pregnant/giving birth thing, but part of me thinks it would be kinda cool to combine our DNA.

    We have a bit of a hypothetical compromise right now. We’re still years away from TTC, but I said I would give birth to the first one, and if we decide we want more (I’m ok with just one kid), we’ll adopt. Not sure if this will actually happen or not, but I’m open to it.

    I’ve always liked the idea of rescuing a kid and giving them a better life. I know though that it’s quite a procedure. I am not sure I’d want a kid w. special needs or behavioral issues either.. and when you start making demands then it’s less and less likely that you’ll be matched w. a kid anytime soon. It’s also pretty expensive. You’d think they’d make the adoption process a little less bureaucratic while still making sure the kids go to good homes. Anyway.

     

    Post # 56
    Member
    9916 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I would love to adopt a bunch of kids, but I don’t think it’s in the cards.  We’ll have some biological babies (HOPEFULLY) and I think that’ll be it.

     

    If my husband ever dies and leaves me alone as a young-ish person who is also well-off, I’ll become a foster mom.  Hopefully that doesn’t happen!!!  But it’s what I’d do.

    Post # 57
    Member
    1675 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    We may not be able to have children of our own (although it may be possible – it depends on if either of us can get off the toxic to fetus medications we’re on). 

    I’ve looked into it,and it takes about 7-9 years for a public adoption in Canada. A private adoption is generally much quicker, but you have to be chosen by the parent(s), and due to our medical conditions, it is unlikely that someone would choose us when there are so many other parents out there who are perfectly healthy and want children just as much as us. 

    So I don’t know how that’s going to turn out for us – but I guess God will provide. 

     

    ETA: Darling Husband wants to try for bio-kids and adopt only if we can’t have them that way.

    Post # 58
    Member
    3374 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    If I couldn’t have bio children, I’d probably use a surrogate.

    Nothing against adoption, though. I think one of my main reasons for having a child is to see a “mini-me” or “mini-DH” grow up.

    Post # 59
    Member
    963 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    No intent to be a damper to the convo, but I think this is a really hard conversation to have in the abstract.  You can say “if we can’t conceive we’d . . .”, but you never know until you get that diagnosis and feel like you’ve had the wind knocked out of you as the room spins.  Adoption is also REALLY REALLY expensive.  I don’t think people understand that.  It’s not just a matter of IVF being expensive and emotionally draining.  Adoption frequently costs more.  A colleaguge just adopted after EIGHT YEARS of trying to adopt.  Talk about draining!  It’s also not an easy decision.  I recently read about a couple looking to adopt who, in meeting with the adoption agency’s social worker, were first asked whether they’d finished mourning the biological child they’d never have.

    This might not apply to people who have family reasons for adoption (adopted themselves, adopted family members), who always planned on adoption.  But for the vast majority of people, it’s not something most can think of in the abstract, and may seem a bit glib for those dealing with their own infertility diagnosis.

    Growing up, I always said I didn’t need a biological tie and could adopt.  But it’s quite a different thing to be told that decision could be taken away from you.

    Post # 60
    Member
    2195 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2017

    I would love to adopt someday. I am able to have children and have one now. It’s really difficult process though, but I would love to someday.

    Post # 61
    Member
    3470 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

    If it were just me, I would likey adopt if I coulnd’t have my own children.  But my husband feels differently.  It was a big step for him to agree to have children because I want them.  I have no doubt he will love our kids, but we are having them because I want them, and he wants me, I have no issue with this because this is what we have both come to accept as a part of our relationship– neiher of us hid out feelings and this is our compromise.  

    He has absolutely no desire to raise someone else’s children.  If I found out I couldn’t have kids then I would likely volunteer with more childrens groups and surround myself with children outside of my home. 

    The topic ‘Spinoff: Would You Adopt a Child Even If….’ is closed to new replies.

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