Post # 1
Another thread about sperm banks got me thinking.
DH and I aren’t TTC yet, but being adopted I know he really wants biological children of his own, and sometimes I wonder what we’d do if it turns out I can’t have kids for whatever reason.
Would you consider using your SO’s sperm and someone else’s eggs in some way, be it surrogacy/artificial insemination, IVF with someone else’s eggs and his sperm, etc?
I’d feel so conflicted about it- on one hand I love DH so much and I think I’d LOVE having a ‘little piece of him’ running around our house. I’d love to look at my child and see DH’s bright green eyes or his dimples.
On the other hand, I’d be afraid that it would feel like DH was a more legitimate parent to our baby than I’d be (even though I know that’s not true!). Or I’d be jealous that he was biologically related to our child and I wasn’t.
What would you do?
Post # 3
@rachelmichelle: I say no. I think, at the end of it all, I would rather adopt. Granted, yeah, I’d bake the baby and it would have some of my husband in it, but I just wouldn’t feel comfortable knowing that my baby looks like another woman. I’d rather it not look like either of us. That’s probably a really crap explanation, but it’s the best I can do. I’m loaded up on Halloween cupcakes, lol.
Post # 4
- Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall
If my egg wouldn’t produce a kid either way, I would prefer the baby to be “half” of us rather than “none” of us (not to speak badly of adoption – I just like the idea of heredity). I would have no problem as long as he’s not actually screwing the other woman, lol!
Post # 5
We both felt that if we had problems getting pregnant we wouldn’t use someone else’s sperm or eggs. We wanted it to be ours. We wouldn’t have had kids if we needed those. FWIW, we wanted kids but both of us felt we would still be satisfied and happy without children. Not everyone feels that way.
More power to anyone else who wants to use donor sperm or eggs.
Post # 6
@rachelmichelle: No, I couldn’t do it. When I have children I want them to be OURS, not his and some other woman’s. If I couldn’t have them naturally or whatever, I would see about getting my eggs harvested. If that couldn’t be done, we would just adopt. The kid would either be 100% biologically ours or 100% not. There’s no middle ground for me.
Post # 7
I think we’d adopt in this situation.
Post # 8
i’m also adopted and also desperately want biological children. adoption would be a very very very last resort for us. so i would try pretty much everything… even if that means the child would only resemble him. i would still be upset about the prospect but at least i would have a little him. side note: can you choose the appearance of the donor? i would want to pick someone who has similar features to me. and vice versa if we needed donor sperm.
Post # 9
I will not go to through medical intervention to have a child. No fertility treatments, in vitro, surrogates, donors etc.
Post # 10
FI’s aunt and uncle had to do this – they married later in life and she couldn’t have children, so they used his sperm and a donor egg. The little boy is now 8 – I don’t think he even really looks like his dad! He is completely and totally attached to his mom, though. It’s the first time I’ve ever (knowingly) been around people who chose to do that and I have to say, it’s made me realize how little genes and biological stuff counts. If FI and I were ever in that situation, I would absolutely do it.
Post # 11
We are in that position right now. 2nd and final IVF failed a couple of months ago. I do feel a huge sense of loss that we wont have a child that is a mixture of US. I’m mourning the loss of passing on my family genetics. But I look at DH and I love the idea of seeing parts of him.
ANd quite frankly, adoption kinda scares me. At least if I’m carrying it, I know it will have good prenatal care.
Post # 12
@rachelmichelle: If my bloodstream didn’t have so much (necessary) medication in it I’d be able to carry children of my own, so no.
Post # 13
@mu_t: I actually hadn’t even thought of that. I haven’t looked into it really, but I bet there’s probably some options in that respect. What a great idea.
I have naturally red hair and even though DH’s hair is dark brown and he has more olive skin, he’s half Irish and has quite a bit of red tint to his beard. So I imagine we’re likely to have redheaded babies one day. I bet if I picked a redheaded donor the babies would come out with red hair, too, which might make them feel more like ‘mine.’ 🙂
Post # 14
@Aquaria: I just meant hypothetically. Like if you had no viable eggs of your own and using your eggs + his sperm wouldn’t be an option with a surrogate. (Unless I misunderstood your response, in which case, apologies!)
Post # 15
@rachelmichelle: Nope. I’d want our kids to be 100% our DNA.
Post # 16
@rachelmichelle: If that was our only option at having a semi-biological child, then yeah why not. My cousin did this. I actually had no idea either until she told me when the kid was 5 or 6, since I think her child looks just like her.