(Closed) SPINOFF: Would you do a fertility treatment fund in lieu of a registry?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: How would you feel about helping a couple pay for help with fertility in lieu of a registry?
    Sure, I'd love to help them with what they need : (67 votes)
    22 %
    No, it is never okay to ask for money, regardless of the end use : (153 votes)
    51 %
    Depends on how close I am with the couple : (61 votes)
    20 %
    Other (I'll elaborate) : (20 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 3
    3368 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I think it is a great thing to do instead of asking for physical items. However, I’m not sure that I’d be comfortable asking for something THAT personal. Adoption is one thing, but I don’t feel that it’s everyone’s business to know that Darling Husband and I would need fertility treatment in order to conceive. 

    To me, it’s a very private issue. If you are comfortable with telling your guests then that is up to you, but I know I wouldn’t be and some guests might also feel a little bit uneasy about it. 

    Post # 4
    4439 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

    No, from what I’ve heard about the costs any amount you are gifted from the wedding isn’t going to make a dent in the cost of IVF or other courses.


    Why can’t people just NOT register and let their guests default to giving cash instead of having to tell the guests they want money and what it’s being used for…?

    Post # 5
    815 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Um, no. I wouldn’t side-eye anyone who DID do that, but I would feel so uncomfortable doing that!

    Post # 6
    6593 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I always give money for weddings anyway so I wouldn’t mind giving my money towards this instead of cash in a card.


    And I understand the financial, emotional and physical stress of infertility. So I would be honoured to be able to help a couple out!

    Post # 7
    9698 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2019

    No, I think it is something very very personal, so it would be strange to put it all out there and state you’re asking money for that.

    Post # 8
    2555 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I say definitely no. For some reason, I find it way less acceptable than the adoption fund. I guess because of the adoption you feel like you’re contributing towards the well being of the child that will be adopted, whereas with the iVF fund you’re not.

    Post # 9
    1720 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    I would just put the money that you get for the wedding towards IVF…and not tell anyone. That’s pretty personal. Plus, then, guests may start asking “how is treatment going? Any success?” after you have had failed attempts. That can hurt later on.



    Post # 10
    10365 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    We got $7k from our honeyfund registry. Especially if you have insurance, that’d go a LONG way towards helping with IVF! I say do it!

    Post # 11
    2775 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    If a couple is saving up for IVF, adoption, a house, a yacht, whatever, and would prefer cash to tangible gifts, they should simply forego a traditional registry and tell anybody who asks that you didn’t register anywhere because you already have everything you need for your home.  People will get the hint that money is preferred.

    I don’t think it’s ever appropriate to outright ask for money regardless of its intended use.

    Post # 13
    7900 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

    I have the same opinion about this as I do on the last thread. Asking for money is a no-no in my book, no matter the reason. Just have a simple registry (or even none) and leave it to your guests to deduce (and it’s not that hard!) that you want cash. Then put the cash towards whatever you want.

    Post # 14
    10365 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I love that you are “allowed” to passive aggressivly ask your guests to mind read by foregoing the traditional registry, but, you know, god forbid you actually come out and admit it…even though it means the same as foregoing the registry. So ridiculous.

    Post # 15
    4495 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Ehh I’m fine with it. I’ll be spending money on them anyway, so what’s the difference? I’m not really super uptight about registry etiquette though, unless they’re collecting for a speedboat or something lol.

    If it were me I probably wouldn’t broadcast what it was for and just collect all the wedding money I receive and put it toward the IVF. To each their own though.

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