(Closed) Spinoff: Would you expect your gift back?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Gifts should be returned if the couple breaks up...
    Before the wedding (gifts given ahead of time, shower gifts, etc.) : (47 votes)
    37 %
    1 week after the wedding : (8 votes)
    6 %
    1 month after the wedding : (13 votes)
    10 %
    3 months after the wedding : (16 votes)
    13 %
    6 months after the wedding : (8 votes)
    6 %
    1 year after the wedding : (4 votes)
    3 %
    It depends on the circumstance : (23 votes)
    18 %
    Other : (8 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 3
    2854 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Whoops, I was one of the ones who mentioned that. I’m not sure where I heard it…

    Anyway, first off, I’m so, so sorry to hear that. 🙁

    Second… even though its “etiquette”, now that I think about a situation like that – as a friend/former wedding guest, I would definitely not expect my gift back. Maybe before the wedding, but if this happened to a friend of mine, a pan or a coffee maker would be the least of my worries for her.

    Post # 4
    377 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I wouldn’t expect to get gifts back.

    Post # 5
    2161 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I wouldn’t, but if someone cashed a cheque from me and broke up that same week or month, I would be annoyed. 

    It really depends on the circumstances. 

    Post # 6
    11325 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    Eh… I think it kind of depends. If a couple broke up before the wedding I guess I would sort of feel like they should send stuff back. After the wedding I really wouldn’t expect a physical gift back because I would assume they’d be using it and trying to write checks for physical gifts you got seems like the last thing someone would want to deal with during a breakup. For cash gifts (especially ones that were more… like over 100 maybe) I’d think it was nice if it was sent back… more so the closer to the wedding they broke up. But regardless I wouldn’t “expect” it. 

    Post # 7
    1626 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    If you were my friend the last thing I would be worrying about is my gift. Of any of these people truly are about you they will want to know you are ok, not where their toaster is.

    Post # 8
    487 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I wouldn’t expect the gift back and I would think it would be highly insensitive for someone to ask for their gift back.

    Post # 9
    4693 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    In your situation I would absolutely NOT expect the gift back.  A situation that I would expect gives to be returned is a particular family member I have that every couple of years gets engaged to her long term boyfriend, sets a wedding date, has showers etc, and then cancels the wedding and keeps the gifts.  Most of us don’t get her gifts anymore, but some of my family feels like they have to. 

    Post # 10
    3866 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    I could be wrong about this, but it’s kinda like the engagement ring.

    It’s given to the couple because they are getting married.  If they get married, they completed their obligation and get to keep the “prize” (present).  If they DO NOT get married, they are obligated to return the gifts because they did not fulfill their obligation.

    does that make sense???

    Basically, if you get married you get to keep it, if you don’t get married, you have to return it.


    Again, I could be wrong, but I think that’s how it’s supposed to work….

    Post # 12
    105 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I think it depends on the circumstances. If you break up quite soon after the relationship, and things are still in boxes… then it would be right to return them. Money too, unless it went to something really important and completely non-refundable. But it really depends on the circumstances.

    On the other thread, the couple broke up during the honeymoon. In that case, they have no excuse for not returning everything.

    Post # 13
    5093 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 2012

    In your situation, if I were your friend, I’d just be worried about you.  I’m so sorry you’re going through what you are.  🙁  The kind of situation I think most people are talking about are the kind where the couple KNOWS the marriage isn’t a good idea, they’ve talked about it or something, but they do it anyway to avoid the shame, then get divorced almost immediately afterward.

    Post # 14
    6015 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    This is why i usually wait to give the gift.  My cousin cheated on her husband before they even had their huge military wedding.  He figured things out about 3months in and kicked her to the curb and she moved in with the guy she was running around with.  She kept everything. Alot of things hadn’t even been shipped to their new house on Base from her parents home, and she made special trip home for those items.   Pissed off numerous people and when she had her second and third weddings, we never went.

    Post # 15
    7587 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2010

    The etiquette rule is only 6 months. When my cousin got divorced they waited until a week after 6 months to announce it so that they didn’t have to return the gifts, it sounds terrible, but they actually bought a house with the money and to return the cash would have meant my cousin wouldn’t have been able to pay the mortgage on his own by himself. However, even if it had been before that, none of us would have expected our gifts back, and my family is a stickler for etiquette. He found out she was cheating on him the entire time. I think circumstances play a big role. 

    Post # 16
    1041 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    I wouldnt expect a gift back anytime after the wedding. No matter what the situation is, if you just broke up with someone you married, you have more important things to worry about than trying to return gifts. It would be pretty selfisg to worry about a toaster i gave when a marriage just broke up.

    The topic ‘Spinoff: Would you expect your gift back?’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors