Post # 1
We’re in a transition time, where I think a lot of our parents’ weddings were paid for largely by the brides family. Today it’s a mix of the couple and both sets of parents. I’m curious, would you choose to give money differently for your children’s weddings based on their gender? (Just gender and not other situations such as financial capability.)
Post # 3
I personally think that if two people are old enough to make the commitment to get married, they should be able to budget for and fund the wedding they want. If families want to contribute, whether it’s $100 or $10,000, that’s up to them and should not be required or demanded.
But to answer your question: I would definitely give evenly for both genders. It is because of my feelings about being able to manage your own finances and contributions being gifts vs. expectations that I chose this – why should my daughter be given more money than my son because she happens to be a female? Seems silly.
Post # 4
If I were to give money to my children for their weddings, I would give equally.
Post # 5
Ditto. Regardless of gender.
This is a big thing with me. If I treat a girl one way the boy gets treated the same. If the boy is allowed to date at 16 then the girl will date at 16, for example.
Post # 6
Yeah, I’d give the same amount regardless of gender as well.
Post # 7
@MissCalifornia: I know many agree with you, which is why I tried to be explicit in the answer choices that giving no money (equally) would fit under the equal category. I wanted to be clear because I really didn’t want to start a discussion about parents giving money or not…but rather focus on choosing to treat people differently, based on a spinoff of the post regarding saving for a daughter’s wedding.
Post # 8
@kay01: If I have a son and a daughter, I would contribute the same amount to both of their weddings, regardless of their need. I think that’s only fair.
Post # 9
I would give more to my daughter because that’s traditional. My FI’s parents are paying for the rehearsal, and my parents are paying for the wedding, so I assume we’d do the same for our children.
ETA: I don’t expect anyone’s parents to pay for anything, but that’s what our parents wanted to do for us.
Post # 10
I old give daughters equally but it would depend for the son. Say I gave both my daughters $20k for their wedding, and my sons finances parents are giving them $20 grand, I don’t think in that case I would shell out another $20k, I would just pay for what is expected of me…
Post # 11
It would depend on many factors, and I do consider myself to be a feminist, but I would pay more for a daughter’s wedding.
It’s stereotypical, but the wedding is most often more about the bride than the groom. The bride is the one who is more likely to get excited about planning everything, and buy an expensive dress, and pick out all the details, so I think it’s nice if her parents contribute more.
Also, many families expect the bride’s family to pay. If I had a son who was getting married, his fiancee’s family may be expecting to pay everything already. For a daughter’s wedding, her fiancé’s family may not expect to contribute anything. So, if I give $X to each of them and the son’s Future In-Laws give $Y, he’ll have a budget of $X+Y and she’ll only have a budget of $X.
Post # 12
If I were to give at all, it would be equal.
Post # 13
I think it would have to do with how traditional the OTHER family was. If I have a son and he’s marrying a woman whose parents are very traditional and want to pay for or contribute a lot to their wedding, then maybe that would make a difference.
I guess I’ve never really thought about this!
Post # 14
@Juliepants: I agree with this! I think it would depend on what the other set of parents want to do as well!
Example… Fiance is marrying into my traditional family… My parents are paying for the wedding. Therefore, there isn’t much for his parents to contribute (although they are helping out). I’m hoping they spend a bit more on their daughter for her wedding since my parents let them off the hook for this one. 😉 😉
But if we take the in-laws out of the equation, then yes… I would treat them equally.
Post # 15
I would possible give them the same amount of money to do with what they choose. Example: my female cousins wedding cost x and her parents paid for it. They then gave their son (my male cousin) x to do with what he will, his wifes parents paid for their wedding and the money went on a house. I should add that both cousins got engaged and then subsequently married around the same time.
@Juliepants: I also agree with this.
My parents are traditional and they have implied that when the time comes theys will pay for (the majority of) my wedding as my mums parents did for her (I’m a waiting bee). SOs parents can’t afford to contribute so for us this has worked out quite well.
Post # 16