Post # 1
Member
1359 posts
Bumble bee
Pretend you have to use donor sperm. In our case, it’s because my wife rudely refuses to make any sperm. ; ) Would you consider using donor sperm from a different race?
On the one hand, I obviously don’t care what race our hypothetical child is, and maybe we will find an awesome candidate from another race (we are both white.) And it might be nice if the child doesn’t really “look like” either of us, since he or she probably won’t resemble my partner.
But on the other hand, everyone would assume he or she is adopted – not that that’s bad, but it might get old to explain and it feels like lying, somehow. And while the child will never genetically be related to my partner, it could be nice to find a donor that at least seems to resemble her. Lastly, would the child resent being made to grow up in a home with parents who aren’t of the same race?
Thoughts?
Post # 3
Member
5543 posts
Bee Keeper
Well, my Darling Husband CAN make sperm, so if something were to happen where that wasn’t an option, we would want someone who looked the most like him to have a child who closely resembles both of us. Of course this is a semi moot point because I am not willing to go to extreme measures to have a biological child, if we can’t, we will adopt.
Post # 4
Member
3768 posts
Honey bee
- Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo
@chasesgirl: I agree with this.. I’d prefer a race that resembles my husband (or wife).
Post # 5
Member
1856 posts
Buzzing bee
I think I’d prefer to adopt over impregnation with donor sperm, but if I was going to have a donor, it wouldn’t really matter to me if the donor was of a different race than myself or my SO. I’m not sure what his opinion about it would be, though.
Post # 6
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee
I would, absolutely. In my case, I’m already multiracial and would looove to mix it up even more! 🙂 While on some occasions it might get tiring to explain why I don’t “look” like my last name, I’ve found that most strangers who ask are simply curious, so I don’t really mind. It can even lead to a quite nice conversation. I do think it would be important to see how your partner feels about a child that might not resemble her.
Post # 7
Member
1359 posts
Bumble bee
@duckyducky: Oh, she feels the same way I do. “Could be cool…but would it be weird? Oh well who cares!…But how would the kid feel?” Haha. We are all mixed up. (Pun?)
Post # 8
Bee
1433 posts
Bumble bee
- Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House
Funny you post this – I was looking into sperm bank / fertility clinics, and in Canada… there aren’t any clinics that will do this.
You must chose a donor which is the race of you OR your partner. In the Government of Canada’s Assisted Human Reproduction Act…. “Based on current research, it is the practise of the Regional Fertility Program not to provide assisted reproductive services that would result in a future child appearing racially different than the recipient or the recipient’s partner.”
Link: http://www.regionalfertilityprogram.ca/policy-provision-art-services.php
Since theres no way we’ll be able to get pregnant without buying sperm, we’ll have to go with a white donor.
Post # 9
Member
3623 posts
Sugar bee
If Fiance had an issue, I probably would want to choose something that looked like him (tan skin, dark curly hair, brown eyes – Italian/Jewish). So some races wouldn’t work, but others possibly could. My genes are all recessive anyway 🙁
Post # 10
Member
1040 posts
Bumble bee
@eagle: There’s something I don’t quite like about that, but I can’t quite put my finger on it.
My Fiance and I have talked before about adopting from another race if we can’t have (or despite having) our own children, but I never really thought into it that deeply to consider whether the child not resembling us would be problematic personally. It doesn’t bother us generally speaking, but I wonder if others would think the child was the result of a forgiven affair.
Post # 11
Member
3586 posts
Sugar bee
@Jezika: There’s something I don’t quite like about that, but I can’t quite put my finger on it.
I was thinking the exact same thing.
Post # 12
Bee
1433 posts
Bumble bee
- Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House
@MsMamaBear: I was thinking the exact same thing, too! It seems backwards, especially in Canada where we are ALL about multiculturalism.
But because I’m a Canadian (almost legally married) lesbian – I have no choice, but to choose white sperm when the time comes. Both my Fiance and I are caucasian, and we want to have an unknown donor.
Post # 13
Member
4272 posts
Honey bee
If husband could not get me pregnant, we would considering adopting first.
I do not know the rules of sperm donation, since Eagle had pointed out this may not even be a possibility. Otherwise, I don’t know. I don’t really care about what other people think, but the child may begin to question why he dosn’t look like us and then I don’t know how the child will feel if they found out it was due to a sperm donor. Maybe they won’t care? It is hard to say, I do not know anybody that came from a sperm donor or people that have done it… maybe someone can share their experience on this?
Post # 15
Bee
1433 posts
Bumble bee
- Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House
@Cady: Thats why the Canadian sperm banks/Fertility clinics are against it, because research has shown that it is better for their emotional upbringing / sense of self identity. I’m not saying I agree with it, but they have done a lot of research on it apparently.
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