(Closed) Spinoff: Would you want to know?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Would you want to know?
    Yes, we've discussed it : (123 votes)
    76 %
    No, ignorance is bliss : (33 votes)
    20 %
    No, but we will now : (6 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 3
    1828 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    yep, we’re both guilty on this count and it was brought up VERY early on in our relationship, and isnt a problem

    (except that one time i wanted to smack a bitch for bringing it up in front of me. but it’s okay, i’m wayyyy better looking. huzzah)

    Post # 4
    5657 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2012

    Yes, I would want to know. It would bother me to not know mostly because at the very least she knows (if not other people in the social circle) and I don’t think it would be right that me, as his wife, is left out of that loop. 

    Post # 5
    3265 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    Yes, but that’s just how we are. He wanted to know and I already knew everything there was to know before we started dating. I don’t think it’s a right to know, though. I think that’s very dependent on the couple.

    Post # 6
    7902 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

    I didn’t vote, because I’m kind of indifferent. I’d be fine with either knowing or not knowing. I wouldn’t want the secret deliberately kept from me, so if it somehow came up, I’d expect him to be honest, but it’s not my policy to have my partner tell me every detail of his past relationships. I don’t even know his number, though I know it’s not that high. I’d find it very awkward if he went out of his way to let me know about something like this.

    Post # 7
    1306 posts
    Bumble bee

    @mrsSonthebeach:   I wouldn’t want the secret deliberatly kept from me, so if it somehow came up, I’d expect him to be honest, but it’s not my policy to have my partner tell me every detail of his past relationships.


    ETA:  I’m way too jealous to know every detail of his past.  If it was before me, then I don’t care.  As long as they are still not hooking up!!

    Post # 8
    411 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I said yes, because, well, that would mean they COULDN’T still hang around and be friends with us. Fi’s rule, not mine (originally, at least). When he and I got together, he couldn’t BELIEVE there was such a thing as being friends with an ex. He had never, ever dated someone who still kept up a friendship with someone they’d slept with, and was aghast that I thought this was perfectly normal. In the end, he convinced me that yeah, it’s odd to be in social situations with someone who knows about that sound you make when you … you get my drift. So if someone was a friend of ours and he hadn’t told me that he’d slept with her, that would be a big no-no on his part! And of course the same rule would apply to me.

    Of course, that doesn’t mean we need to spill every sordid detail of our sexual pasts. Unless said person is still around, it’s not his/my business!

    Post # 9
    2638 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2006

    Yes. I think it would make my husband look like a fool if he was the only person who didn’t know that I have a sexual history with a few of my/our friends. He really doesn’t care and has since made friends with a few of them and it’s not awkward for us at all, but I’d have hated for him to really like one of my friends and have that spoiled, so to speak, by finding out later that he’d been kept in the dark. I think it’s just the polite thing to do.

    Post # 10
    2651 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    I would want to know, but no details! A – this person- has seen me naked is enough. 

    The Olny reason I would want to know is for a health check. Fi’s ex is a sleazy weasel. So is mine. I also found out that they both a. Cheated on us respectively, and b. lied about how many before us.  Thinking that they were our firsts and olnys at the time  puts us at risk for not getting checked out.

    Post # 11
    2137 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    id want to know of course! but lucky me Fiance was the waiting type so no problems here hehe

    Post # 12
    3770 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

    I voted No, Ignorance is Bliss … but it’s more like, I don’t know, I’m not going to bring it up because I highly doubt it, but I would be livid if I were to find out about it and would want to have been told.  Kind of wishy washy on my part…

    Post # 13
    3452 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Yes, I’d want to know. 

    Post # 14
    3773 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 1999

    When Fiance got together I definately wanted to know. I posted this on another thread that we did have an incident with a girl my Fiance had hooked up with right before me. This girl was really rude to me and I couldn’t figure out what I had done. Eventually the whole thing came out, and it turns out I was the only one out a big group of people that didn’t know. It made me feel really stupid, like my Fiance didn’t value my feelings enough to tell me the truth.

    I don’t think it is necesary to know all the details, but a heads up that there was a past is considerate when you still see the people. Darling Husband and I have been together so long now it really isn’t a big deal at all, anybody in the past happened so long ago it reall doesn’t matter.

    ETA: Darling Husband was the type who wanted to know as well in the begining. So we did talk about it, but if both people don’t want to know then they should do whatever is right for them.

    Post # 15
    3182 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Normally my philosophy is that whatever and whoever I did before our relationship doesn’t really affect ours.  I think this is an exception though just because I don’t like the idea of being the only person that doesn’t know something.  Like if we are out with a group and everyone knows they had a past except me, I think that’s kind of wrong. 

    Post # 16
    4327 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 1992

    Erm… It would depend. If I found out in the early, wee days of the relationship: Cool! I can get by with that. If it was kept from me for a long time, and I found out somehow, I’d be a little annoyed. Why couldn’t it have been kept status quo? Why tell me after all that time? Then I wouldn’t be able to look at them in the same room for a while, whereas if I knew from the beginning, it wouldn’t be as weird.

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