(Closed) SPINOFF: young brides with huge rings-how did FH pay for it?!

posted 8 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 62
Member
1367 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Chrissy26:

I am in no way defensive, I love my teeny tiny ring and all that it represents, thanks very much.

I was responding to those people and comments who I specifically mentioned. In your case, I can only say that you are very fortunate that your Fiance is 8 years older and is well-established in his career. I’m sure both of you work hard, but please acknowledge that you are fortunate to be in that position.

That said, I am targeting my comments specifically to those people who are saying things like “Maybe some people just manage their money better than others” (reply #43). That is an example of an extremely rude and ignorant thing to say, IMO. I am just trying to make a point about privilege, and how people who have it are blind to the fact that they have it. Point made, I think.

I am certainly not calling you or anyone else a jerk! Please read my responses in detail if you want to debate; I am being pretty specific about the kinds of comments I take issue with, and it is only the ones that imply or state outright that it’s their FI’s dazzling intellect, hard work, smart financial planning, etc. which sets them apart from those who do not have huge luxurious rings.

 

Post # 63
Member
283 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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@solidarity:  Here’s the full situation. My parents are successful, self-made people. As soon as I was old enough to get a minimum wage job, I was working full-time in order to learn the value of work, at the recommendation of my parents. I worked hard, and put it all in the bank. In school as motivation/ to save money for university, my parents would pay me a certain amount of money for grades over 85%. Through a combination of work and excellent grades, I went in to first year university with $30 000 dollars in the bank. My Fiance (BF at the time) and I had been dating 8 months, (we’d known each other since we were 13 – he told me once we were mature enough that we’d work out in the end and that he would marry me). We knew this was it for us, and so we chose universities that had both our programs. We got accepted everywhere and made our final choice. 

 

Now here’s the fun part. My parents didn’t want me in residence, and have been planning – my whole teenage life – on getting me a condo for the duration of my University career. His parents had the exact same intentions. So my dad sat us down and said “let’s not beat around the bush – spending money on two condos so that the two of you can spend all your time essentially living at one or the other would be ridiculous. We will buy the condo for both of you”. 

 

And so at 18 and 19 years old respectively, we moved in. We pay them $750 a month (combined) to help with mortage payments, and we pay all our own bills, gas money for our car, insurance for our car, and grocery needs. 

 

This being said, my parents do still give me money based on courses in University over %80  , which I take full advantage of as I am an excellent student. I also work for my parents at their company in the summers and on holidays, saving up money for the years to come. My parents do pay the lease payments on our car.

 

My FI’s parents are of the belief that until you have a full-time job, you are not self-sufficient. They wanted him to work whenever he could, not so that he could contribute to school or living expenses, but so he could save up for other things – such as my engagement ring. My FI’s father, a frugal man, and my FI’s brother all went with him to buy the ring – and both of them, once they saw the ring, had zero doubts that it was the right ring at the right time. 

 

This is our situation, it is unique, but just because it isn’t what someone else might do/be able to do, doesn’t mean that it is wrong!

 

Post # 64
Member
659 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

We got engaged at 21 while we were both students. My fiance paid for my ring with cash, again it wasn’t a very expensive ring, but it’s what he could afford. Then we had more money to put towards a nice honeymoon and schooling. We could have decided to go with a more expensive ring, but we preferred to spend the money we had elsewhere!

Not trying to imply that a big ring = debt. But for us it would have given our situation.

Also just realized that this thread was about huge rings haha. I guess we could have gotten a huge one if we had skipped our honeymoon!

Post # 65
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

mine was paid for in cash, I’m 23 and Fiance is 24. I just graduated from college and he’s a PhD student, we’re doing well. honestly it’s hard to give too many details as to what we do without getting too personal, so lets just say he’s in computers and I’m in marketing. my wedding set is 3.14 carats (center stone over 2 and flawless) and I’m planning to add a 4ish ctw eternity band to my set (which will also be paid for in cash).  yes we’re “young” but we haven’t had any financial help from parents with the rings and we aren’t in debt, we’re just living “within our means” I suppose.  I also have a plain band to wear when I don’t want to wear my set (we’re not married yet though so I just wear my e-ring, we’re paying for our wedding without help from parents).  living on the east cost and in a city my ring is not considered “huge” really either.  I like bigger rings, if we couldn’t have afforded what we did I would have been just as happy with a large gemstone as long as it was within our budget (and honestly he surprised me, I thought he would get a sapphire or ruby ring since I love the look of gemstones just as much), it’s just a personal preference (I didn’t want a “big” ring to show off I guess is what I’m saying, I just like the look of larger rings, I don’t care if it was $100 or several thousand).   

Post # 66
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@MrsSnowMountain:  Um No it’s rude to imply that because someone has a large ring they went into debt to obtain it, which was my response to another poster. And many bees have mentioned that their FIs and DHs saved for their rings, which to me means they know how to manage their money and or save better than others who did have to go into debt to purchase a ring. Nothing rude about the truth.

Post # 67
Member
1367 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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@Trinisexy2:  I never once said a word about debt. My comments were not related to debt in any way. You are perhaps correct in your assessment, but that is not the dichotomy I’m talking about! It sounded to me like you were saying that people who could afford more expensive things could only afford them because they were better at managing money. If that’s not what you meant then let’s move on! 🙂

Post # 68
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@MrsSnowMountain:  I was agreeing with Post #37 which did mention debt. So no worries

Post # 69
Member
5397 posts
Bee Keeper

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@MrsMittansJohnson:  I think this is the kind of thing people are confused about. I have never heard of a 24 year old PhD student who can afford a 2+ carat flawless diamond. Hell, most PhD students I know can’t afford a .5 carat flawless diamond! So when you say you’re “living with your means” I have to say I really don’t get it.

{I’m not trying to be rude at all, just curious because most of my friends in grad school are struggling!}

Post # 70
Member
4369 posts
Honey bee

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@BlondeMissMolly:  since her Fiance is in “computers”, someone out of Stanford or Berkeley working in Silicon Valley can easily make “2 carat” money. Just a guess. 

Post # 71
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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@BlondeMissMolly:  we have two successful start-up businesses and Fiance is a bit of a prodigy in terms of creating and improving new operating systems (he’s #1 at his school  in what he does and school for him is free) so he has income from many projects he’s developed and others that he’s worked on/improved for other people, hopefully that helps put it in perspective (and no I definitely don’t think it’s a rude question, that’s why I responded to this board in the first place!!!) it’s just hard to give too much more information than that and still remaining (even somewhat) anonymous :-/ (not that I think people scour the internet for information about my Fiance or myself, I’d just rather not have my name/business names on here).   

 

Post # 72
Member
5397 posts
Bee Keeper

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@MrsMittansJohnson:  oh I totally understand the confidentiality part. Thanks for explaining! That does make more sense. I would venture to guess that your Fiance is really quite an oddity in that he’s 24, a PhD student, but able to make that kind of money at the same time. That’s awesome though! Thanks for not getting defensive, I just don’t know any people who could say the same, so it’s interesting to hear about. 

Post # 73
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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@BlondeMissMolly:  no problem!!! I’m curious about other people too (especially like you said, we’re both pretty young still) so I love to see threads like this and just hear about what other people might be doing!!! 🙂 also I LOVE your profile picture Lucy is THE BEST!!!! 

Post # 74
Member
4369 posts
Honey bee

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@MrsMittansJohnson:  I totally didn’t see that you were getting married in Boston, or else I would have guessed MIT or Harvard. Either either way, congrats to you guys for the success!

 

Post # 75
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Mine is 15k. We are both 23 and worked 4 days a week throughout our undergrad degrees and full time through our post-grads. He also put a significant amount in shares when he was younger that made a profit. We still have the shares but spent a chunk of his savings.

Post # 76
Member
2358 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Not engaged yet, but I know what ring I’m getting.  Part of my deal is that BF is in his late 30s and has a high paying job, so it’s mostly current savings and all that. 🙂

The topic ‘SPINOFF: young brides with huge rings-how did FH pay for it?!’ is closed to new replies.

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