For me, deciding to have children was something conflicting.
Up until my early 20’s, I NEVER wanted kids. I knew this for a long time. Even as a small child, I did not like other small children. I had no interest in babies. I didn’t think they were cute, thought they were a nuissance and was mortified at the thought of all the stuff that comes along with kids. So part of me just “naturally” had no interest in kids.
Another thing that caused me to not want kids was the fact that at age 8, my parents split and my dad became our main parent. I essentially became “mom” to my younger brother. Cooked and cleaned and kept up the house while my dad worked. It SUCKED.
I met my now husband when we were 17. Up until we were in our early 20’s, we didn’t want kids. then one day he admitted that if I never wanted kids, we’d need to have a serious talk, because he was pretty sure he might want to have one some day. I had to take a long, hard look at what I wanted from life, and my reasons for wanting kids. Around that same time, I started to get that “maternal” feeling…where suddenly babies were kind of cute, and I could entertain the idea of being mom.
For me, it took a LOT of thinking though. Having the relationship I have with my Darling Husband was important in the decision to have kids. I didn’t have much faith in relationships until I met him.
As my maternal instinct started to get stronger, the decision to have a baby became easier. Somehow at that point I just knew I wanted a baby. I still thought about everything a ton and was worried that because of how I had previously felt about kids, that I wouldn’t be a good mom.
When it came down to it, I wanted to have a child because:
1. The biological clock was ticking and telling me HAVE BABIES. 2. I wanted to give a child everything I didn’t have.<br />3. Having a child with my husband, as it just felt like the next step in our lives.
When we did get pregnant with my now 2.5year old daughter, I jumped in with both feet. I put my everything into motherhood and was shocked at how much of a “natural” I was/am at it. I honestly felt like this was what I was meant to be doing. I’m surprised at how much I love being a mom. How fufilling it is. How all the things I percieved as being awful when I didn’t want kids, are actually pretty funny or not that bad.
…that being said, I am still not a huge fan of other people’s children. LOL
Now I don’ t know if that makes any sense to anyone else…it was honestly harder to put into words than I thought it would be…