(Closed) Spirituality: "Cross-faith" relationships

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
3361 posts
Sugar bee

I am in the same position as you.. only my SO might not be as open to religion as yours is.. Unfortunately I dont have any advice… But I do think its possible… I am also very interested in hearing what other bees have to say ! 

Post # 4
2263 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I hear where you’re coming from. Right now my sister (Christian) is dating an athiest and I know personally how much she struggles with this. I believe a relationship like this CAN work, but to be reasonable it will be a hard road for both of you if one of you is very firm in your beliefs and the other is not. That or you may find that as you grow together your spiritual beliefs may cause more arguments, etc as you go into other areas together (raising kids, etc). 

I think my only advice for you would be to personally evaluate the future with this man in your mind. Can you live with it? Can you really be 100% happy that his beliefs are not your own? I wouldn’t think about children yet since it’s just the two of you. If you can see yourself happily married to this person in 50 years…. that’s the answer you need to find for yourself. If so, great! I think it’s a personal decision and I can’t judge either way. ๐Ÿ˜‰ Just be sure you can be 100% yourself and happy with this man. 

Post # 5
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2019

Personally, I observe Buddhist principles and my boyfriend is Catholic. 

And I really think the issues of religion depends on how big a part of your life is. If you go to church several times a week and participate in those kind of events a lot, that should be something you really should sit down and discuss with your SO. 

In my case, religion is not a huge part of our lives. He is a confirmed Catholic, but he only goes to church a few times a year (Easter, Christmas, etc.). If he wants me to go, I can manage it a few times, but I’m really not interested in organized religion otherwise. We mostly just try to live our lives day to day as decent, honest people.

However, it seems like for you that you really want your faith to be a part of this relationship. I don’t know all the specifications, but I would really ask yourself that if he doesn’t want to go with you to church or Sunday school or other events like that, will you be okay with that? I agree with Simply, really evaluate what your faith means to you and how much of your life it’s going to be.

Post # 6
1544 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Ok I’m going to try to offer as good of advice as I can. I went through this struggle shortly after meeting my fiance. I am a christian. I was currently at a lower time in my faith but I still believed in God and it killed me like you said to think about being on my death bed with him and knowing i’d never see him again. I totally understand that. He was nothing really. He didn’t not believe in God but he didn’t believe in him either. I was a few years early strong christian I just stopped practicing for a while. It scared me and it really hurt me. I loved him SO much. So after much debate I just decided that i would leave it in Gods hands and I just prayed that God would open his heart.

Now, 3 1/2 years later my Fiance is on his way to becomming a christian. I can’t say he’s there yet but he’s much more open. We go to church every sunday and are both going to a small group bible study every friday night. The guy who once laughed at me is now praying with me. God works in mysterious ways! Sometimes He has bigger plans then we could ever imagine! It still baffles my mind. Turns out he was just in the wrong church all his life which just turned him against it. So influenced by “religion” that he never heard God through it.

Firstly – cross faith relationships are hard but if you really love him, stay with him. My best advice I can offer you is to live your faith and invite him along – telling him you’d really like it if he would go with you. If he really hates it then maybe find another that might fit both of you better. (I actually pre screened before hand without him) Dont sacrifice your faith for him. That was my biggest mistake. (It wasn’t even me who finally got my Fiance into a church –  it was my mom!) Just slowly introduce him to it and slowly get him used to the idea by just taking him to a church that fits YOU and explaining things to him he doesn’t understand.

A few days ago I came upon this verse and it helped me in a different way but I hope you can find comfort in it.

1 Corinthian 7:13-14 NIV

13 …And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband….

The Message (cus i just find it easier to understand):

“12-14For the rest of you who are in mixed marriages—Christian married to non-Christian—we have no explicit command from the Master. So this is what you must do. If you are a man with a wife who is not a believer but who still wants to live with you, hold on to her. If you are a woman with a husband who is not a believer but he wants to live with you, hold on to him. The unbelieving husband shares to an extent in the holiness of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is likewise touched by the holiness of her husband. Otherwise, your children would be left out; as it is, they also are included in the spiritual purposes of God. “

Post # 7
750 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

It can totally work…but that’s up to you. I would probably say I am close to a Unitarian Universalist and my Fiance is just…nothing…haha he isn’t atheist, he isn’t catholic, he knows pretty much everything there is to know about every religion out there and has thoroughly studied philosphy and just hasn’t connected with anything yet. We are totally fine with each other’s beliefs, for me it is something that is personal and not something that I need to share with other people…I think that the most important thing is that everyone is happy so whatever makes them happy makes me happy. So for us, it is not a big deal and totally works. We challenge each other and are constantly opening each other’s eyes to new possibilities and it makes us genuinely happy ๐Ÿ™‚ We even have the whole children situation figured out for the future, which is the main thing I was worried about because I didn’t want to screw up a child’s life by either choosing a religion for them or not choosing anything for them…luckily we have figured it out which was my major concern.

I’m having a hard time understanding what you’re worried about…raising your children? Or the fact that you haven’t found a church you are both comfortable with? Or something else? Your Fiance seems to have made very generous compromises that he is comfortable with in raising your children as open-minded Christians as well as attending various churches with you…so you seem to having raising the children figured out already. It makes me think that you just want him to be Christian even though he is not. In that case, I don’t know if it will work or not. If faith is something that is extremely important to you and that you must share with your partner, you need to realize that your Fiance is probably not going to become a Christian who attends church every Sunday and reads scripture, and you have to decide if you can live with it or not. The ball is in your court at this point.

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