Splitting Guestlist 50/50?

posted 8 months ago in Guests
Post # 2
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Well I would think you should definitely talk to your fiance first.  He may not even have an issue with it.  If it were me, I’d add up all of the immediate family from both sides and split the rest 50/50.  He can choose extended family or fiends and you can choose friends.

I also think if you’re havng that small of a wedding guest list, there definitely shouldn’t be anyone invited that you haven’t met especially if he isn’t even close with them.

Post # 3
504 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Fair and equal are not always the same thing.  And, IMO, your in laws have no room to feel resentment when they are not the ones paying for the event.  

Go back to the drawing board with your FI. Make a list of immediate family, then split the rest.  See where you are at that point, then decide whether you want to slightly expand the guest list.  

Post # 4
4247 posts
Honey bee

kristin36890 :  50/50 doesn’t work when one family is significantly larger. We made a rule that, except for one couple per parent, BOTH of us had to know (or at least met a few times) the guest in order for them to get an invite. My MIL threw a fit about some of her extended cousins but honestly – if they didn’t make an effort to spend time with us in the 5 years we were dating before the wedding then they don’t need to be at our wedding. Except for a couple of my in-laws friends I knew everyone at my wedding and we had 125 people. At 60 people I wouldn’t even consider adding people that didn’t know both the bride and groom. 

Post # 5
3781 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

kristin36890 :  Talk this over with him. He may not even care to invite most of the people on his side. We’re only having 40 guests but I’d say my side is majority by maybe 5 people bc FI simply didn’t think it was necessary to invite more than immediate family and those in his wedding party which didn’t equal 50% of the list. Work out your list in whatever way is best for the two of you. But if he wants to use 50% of the list then I think thats fair.

Post # 6
923 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I think if he really wants all his extended family there, he can ask his parents for financial help or if he can afford it then he should pitch in. Other wise he should only invite those close to him.

Post # 7
8190 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

my mom paid for our wedding, my husband invited 80 people from his side and i invited 40 people from my side. 

it doesn’t have to be split 50/50.  but this is something you need to discuss with him.  with such a limited list, i would vote for in favor of the most important.  if you are set at 60, you need to figure out how to determine.  is he just coming up with names to make it to 30 or does he really want those people there.

Post # 8
560 posts
Busy bee

kristin36890 :  His family isnt hosting. If they resent you for that… well they are just being difficult. 

If I were in the same situation, I would count immediate family, THEN split 50/50. So 60-34 family = 26 people to split. 

Post # 10
3047 posts
Sugar bee

I say do an excel spreadsheet of literally everyone and see where you’re at. Highlight the absolutely must invite and see what’s you’re at. And define extended family, is this like second or third cousins? First cousins? Random uncles that no one has met? 

I say go over the list of must invites with your FI. Who is it that’s saying you must invite them? 

Post # 12
949 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Personally, I have no clue why anyone thinks that starting off with the number of people you plan to invite makes sense. I think starting off with making a list of those must invites is the first step, not the other way around. I also think that trying to split everything 50/50 is a really backwards way of doing things. Like a PP said, equal and fair are two different things.

Invite in categories and see where that gets you. Immediate family (parents, grandparents siblings), then best and closest friends, then aunts and uncles, then cousins, then super close family friends. Where are you at now? Once that happens, take your foot off the gas on the notion of “60 guests, not a single person more!” Things happen, people can’t come, people have whirlwind engagements and are now bringing thier fiance, you can’t control it so it’s good practice to stop trying to micromanage every guest spot this early.  

Post # 14
560 posts
Busy bee

kristin36890 :  I get where you are coming from not wanting people there you haven’t met, but I do think it it slightly unreasonable to tell him who to invite of his 13 guests (or whatever the number turns out to be). If he wants his family who he doesnt know over his very close friends, that is his choice and he will have to deal with the outcome. There has to be some compromise, otherwise you are just picking the entire guest list and his “half” isnt really his if you are telling him who he can invite.  

Post # 15
6168 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

kristin36890 :  Priority goes to the person paying, at least in my opinion. Your fiance is concerned about what his mom is going to want pertaining to their family on the guest list…which I can understand but they aren’t footing the bill. I think you guys need to invite by category like someone else mentioned. Immediate family, priority extended family, friends. If his mom has a problem with it, she should contribue money to allow you to extend the guest list. 

Everyone has a different priority. For me, I was not about to include distant family we never see for the sake of keeping people happy. I wanted my immediate family, the extended family I’m close to, and our friends there. I don’t need some second cousin I never see at my wedding, at the expense of friends I actually spend time with. Then again I’m a firm believer that family isn’t just about blood, but rather those people who are there to support you.

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