(Closed) Splitting Holidays

posted 10 years ago in Married Life
Post # 17
Member
433 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I honestly think alternating holidays is the only fair thing to do, unless there is something major preventing you from doing so.  (For example, Fiance doesn’t like to travel over the holidays cross-country, we’re in DC and his family is in CA, so it was his choice to see them at other times).

My ex-H and I had a HUGE blowup one year over who we’d spend the holidays with.  We had spent 2 of 3 Christmases with his family, and my ex-MIL was insisting that we spend Christmas with his family again.  Meanwhile, my mother is a widow and an only child – and she kept spending holidays with distant relatives or friends.  This battle continued for MONTHS and my ex-MIL won, but only because my ex-H said he would go to his family’s no matter what, so I wouldn’t have spent Christmas with him otherwise.  Yea.  Should have let him go by himself.  🙂

Post # 18
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

This is a pretty big deal for us, too. We’ve had all the holidays together except for Christmas, which is a pretty big deal for me. This year will be our 4th, first as married, and I know we need to spend it together. With the complications of lack of time off and distance between us and both of our families, it’s going to be tough.

I’m really hesitant to start making plans to alternate at this point. I don’t know what we’ll do yet.

Post # 19
Member
363 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2010 - Trinity Presbyterian Church/Harrison Opera House

We didn’t even have to debate this one.  It just seemed logical and fair to split the holidays evenly.  We started doing this three years ago, so each side of the family knows how it works now.

Year A: Thanksgiving at my side, Chrismas at his.

Year B: Thanksgiving at his side, Chrismas at mine.

We haven’t explicitly divided up Easter but we have done Easter at my parents’ one year and then Passover at his Grandmother’s another year. 

Post # 20
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Linzella, we are the exact same way. We’ve never spent holidays together because we both wanted to be with our families, and our families live three hours apart. This year we’ll be married by the holidays so we’ll need to figure something out. The idea of alternating makes me sad, but I know it is the only fair thing to do.

Post # 21
Member
7884 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

We have our holidays worked out beautifully.  Neither of our family’s celebrate the holiday on the actual say- so it is convenient for everyone.  For example, his mother always has Thanksgiving the weekend before, and my family does Christmas on Christmas Eve.    I think both sides of our families realize that its still Christmas even if you celebrate it on the 27th.

Post # 22
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Boo. I am NOT looking forward to this. We are starting this year as well, even though we wont be married until June. We’ll do Thanksgiving at his families, and then Christmas at mine. I’m hoping to pull a fast one and get Christmas again next year… but that’s a whole other story. I am devistated at the idea of not being around my family for the holidays.

Post # 23
Member
267 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

We don’t deal with this too much yet but I know we will in the future. Luckily both of our family’s are close. The nice part is that he’s the youngest child and i’m a middle child so our older siblings already have these things kind of worked out with the parents. We have always had most of my family things on the Holiday Day itself. His parents are divorced so they’ve had to split their time for years now. So they’re use to celebrating the day before or the day after. I know that christmas will be a big run around holiday. It’s pretty much a packed full holiday from Christmas Eve till the day after Christmas. We will run around to 7 different places. It’s hecktick but still enjoyable.

Post # 24
Member
1119 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I know how you all feel. In the past we just split up and went our separate ways, until last year (engaged), when we decided we wanted to start spending holidays together. The problem is, I’ve got family in one location, but his is split up in 3 different places (Ontario, New Brunswick and Conneticut). He has pressure from all three sides every holiday to spend it with them, and now that my family is in the picture, it’s just another location into the mix.

So for us, alternating is difficult, to say the least. Last year we spent Thanksgiving in Conneticut, Christmas Eve in NB, and Christmas day with my family in Nova Scotia (that was crazy and we’ve vowed not to do it again). So the Ontario family was left out, but we made a special trip to visit them. 

This year, we are again doing Thanksgiving in Conneticut (mainly because we have a new nephew we haven’t met yet who’s going to be there), but we don’t know what we’re going to do for Christmas. It sucks. My husband says he can’t wait until we have kids, because we’ll be staying home and people who want to see us can come to us. I know he’s speaking out of frustration and that’s not reasonable. We’re going to have to figure something else out.

Post # 25
Member
10216 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

😀 I sooo posted a poll for this for the same reasons! This year is the first year that we are splitting (due to work thank goodness)! We will be with his family for Thanksgiving and mine for Christmas.

Post # 26
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Up until this year, we went our separate ways. He stayed with his family, about 20 mins away from mine and then came over to see me after. It’s going to be…umm… interesting to see how this shakes out though, as I am never invited to dinner at the outlaws. (That is a whole other story=drama)

This weekend (it’s Canadian Thanksgiving) will be the true test. Because they seem to not like me or want to have anything to do with me, they have not ‘invited’ me to Thanksgiving ‘dinner’. They eat at 2p so technically I could go over there.Truthfully, I really don’t want to go. I would rather stay and help my mother with their dinner. Now that we are married, I know I should be with him, but his family? No thanks.

 

Post # 27
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2010

This is such a hard thing.  This will be our third year of holidays together and it is never easy.  Our families have very similar traditions, but live very close to each other.  So the last 2 years we have been splitting the day in half.  Spend the first half of the day or evening with one family and the other half with the other family.  We found that this absolutely sucked.  We spent the whole time at the first family watching the time because we didn’t want to short change the other family by arriving super late.  It made us stressed, exhausted and pretty much hate the holidays.  So, this year we decided that we are going to do a flip flop similar to what Miss Lamb posted.  That way we’ll get to be part of our favorite family traditions, but only every other year.  And we’ll get to spend the full day with each respective family vs. running from place to place.  We found that by trying to please everyone by getting everywhere ended up making no one happy, least of all us.  So, while both my family and his family will need to adjust to our new plan, they both are really happy to be able to spend more quality time with us over the holidays and think our decision is really fair.  So, I’m keeping my fingers crossed that this plan works better.  I’m sure it will need to be adjusted again when we have children.

Post # 28
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

We use to have the same tradition as you but then my parents got divorced about 5 years ago and so now we have been forced to go spend time with one of them early in the day and then the other in the evening.  Now they both are remarried recently so it has gotten to a point where we celebrate on other days just so that we can all be together.  My FI’s family doesn’t all live here in Houston so they don’t get together for the holidays.  In fact I’ve been insisting that we at least try to get together once a year.  But who am I? LOL

Most of my friends alternate between holidays.  Example, Thanksgiving with her family Christmas with his.  Then next year they switch and do Thanksgiving with his family and Christmas with hers.

It is easier now but I think when we all start having kids then doing Christmas morning with them will change doing the holidays with our cousins/aunts/uncles.  Because we are now the aunts/uncles.

Post # 29
Member
1700 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

We’re not married yet, but this year will be our 5th Christmas together.  Luckily, our parents are in the same town, about an hour away from us.  So we go to my uncle’s for my big family Christmas on Christmas Eve, then spend the night at FI’s mom’s that night.  She makes breakfast and we have our Christmas with her first thing in the morning. FI’s dad lives in Florida, but comes up and is at the house for Christmas.  Then onto my mom’s for a couple hours, then onto my dad’s for a couple hours.  Then finally drive an hour back to our own house, where we FINALLY get to do OUR Christmas!  (Even if it is like 10 p.m.)  Even though it’s very stressful having to run run run all over the place, I am thankful that we both get to see our families. I can’t imagine having to alternate.  I’d be so sad.  Frown

Post # 30
Member
1371 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@hellohellohello – since it is just his parents, maybe you could suggest they come to your family’s place for Christmas?  That way there is no splitting!

We are having major stresses over this because his parents are divorced.  They freak out if he goes to one parent’s place and not the other’s.  But my family (unlike his) is extremely close and I don’t want to split our holidays between his family and his family.  We usually go to separate places for holidays.  I’m thinking once we’re married we’ll try to work out alternate dates and have some holidays with just us (and tell them if they want to visit they can).

Post # 31
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Fiance and I both have really small families. Has anyone’s families ever started a tradition of everyone from both sides celebrating together? That’s what I’m secretly hoping will happen.

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