(Closed) Splitting Holidays

posted 10 years ago in Married Life
Post # 32
Member
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

My hubby has 3 sides to his family: his mom’s side, his dad’s side, and his step-dad’s side so it’s always exhausting to try to squeeze in like 4 Christmases into one day! It’s fun, but exhausting! And Thanksgiving? Oh gosh, we end up eating like 3 times that day!

Post # 33
Member
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010 - Marie Gabrielle, Dallas

His family lives in Colorado and mine in Texas.  The only holiday we really split is christmas.  We end up celebrating early with one family and on time with another.  It’s worked out fine for us and so far his family and my family are ok with it.  It gets complicated though as more siblings get married. 

Post # 34
Member
5878 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Ha ha – this reminds me of my sister.  She’s been with her guy for 8 years but isn’t married.  Last winter she told me that she’s decided enough is enough and she’s not going to spend Christmas apart from her SO this year.  I was shocked and said, “Oh my god, are you going to miss some of our family’s Chrismast events?!”  She looked at me like I was crazy and said, “No way!”

Then she realized that that might now work…luckily our family and my sister’s SO’s family live about 5 blocks apart so it’s easy to see everyone.  On the other hand, my guy’s family is 1500 miles away.

Post # 35
Member
820 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

This is such a sensitive topic for a lot of people. I totally understand where you are coming from. We have never spent Christmas together because it is such an important holiday to me, and he always just felt like he should be with his family on it. However, we’ve spent all the other holidays at each other’s family’s house. We live like two minutes from his parents, 2-45 minutes from his entire extended family; however, all my family is in a different state 11 hours away. Now that we are married, we will obviously be spending Christmas together, and I am pretty insistent that for the first few years at least, we go to my family’s house for it. It is a really special holiday to me and to my family and it hasn’t changed in my 27 years b/c I’m the first married, and I don’t want to be the one to change it. So we will probably spend all the other holidays here, and go to my hometown each year for Christmas at least until we have kids. I kind of pull the guilt trip on this a lot by saying we see your family every week, all I want is Christmas… and so far it’s worked 🙂 

Post # 36
Member
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I just did a blog post about this not too long ago.

This year will be our last year going to our separate families.

Splitting the holidays will be a topic of discussion for future us.

Post # 37
Member
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

we’re lucky that we’re all in the same city…

FI’s family is HUGE on xmas and its really really important to them. so we go over there for the annual christmas dinner. luckily, my family isn’t so big with xmas (they still enjoy it and will have a xmas dinner, but its not the end of the world if someone doesn’t come) and so we end up having dinner on another day or lunch or something else. this way, Fiance and i can attend both. 

chinese new year on the other hand, is like my family’s christmas and so Fiance makes an effort to do the chinese new year stuff.

Post # 38
Member
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Our families live in the same area, so our first holiday season of our relationship we did separately, second and third we did both (I couldn’t eat for THREE DAYS after that first Thanksgiving!) and then last year we got lucky: his family was all split up for Thanksgiving, so we just did that with my family by default, and his got Christmas.  So even years my family gets Thanksgiving and his gets Christmas, and odd years my family gets Christmas and his gets Thanksgiving.

It will be difficult though… I much prefer my family’s Thanksgiving dinner 🙁  Not to say his family’s is bad, it’s just different.

Post # 39
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

We have a schedule.  For example, Thanksgiving 2008 we spent with my family.  Then Christmas Eve & Day 2008 was spent with my husband’s family.  We then traveled to my family to spend Dec. 26 through New Years.  This year we will spend Thanksgiving with my husband’s family and Christmas at my family.  You should also consider one more thing, the feelings of both of your sets of parents.  For example, my mother in-law truly cherishes Christmas Eve.  She loves taking everyone out to dinner then to mass.  We both realize that this is important to her, so we will be with her on Christmas Eve then travel to my parents for Christmas day. If you implement a schedule, the first year is the hardest, but then everyone understands.  Finally, you will be happy because you get to spend every moment of every holiday with your husband!

Post # 40
Member
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - The Mountain Terrace, Woodside, CA

Hmmm, this is something we still need to discuss with each other. Our families now live two states away, so we too have never spent Christmas together. This year I’m flying up on the morning the day after Christmas (since we live near my parents). I’m not sure what we’ll do once we’re married next Christmas, but I suppose it will matter a lot more when/if we have kids.

Post # 41
Member
1102 posts
Bumble bee

We are lucky in that our families are in the same city, and fairly flexible. We have never spent a Christmas apart – as far as I’m concerned, FH has been my family since we moved in together (which was soon after we got together) so he was always going to be my #1 priority. I’m not sure how we would have managed it if we had families a long way apart though, that would be tricky. We are also not averse to having our own Christmas – one year we went to Japan and another we were living in the UK. We just ask the parents what they are planning and then work around that to make sure we can see everyone. I like Christmas as much as the next person but perhaps because my family has always been very relaxed about it, and never do the same thing twice in a row (at home one year, at grandma’s the next, back home with aunt & uncle the year after that), I don’t mind too much where I am or what I’m doing – as long as FH is there 🙂

Post # 42
Member
1774 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

My family is here in Ohio, his dad is in Minnesota and his relatives are in Maine.  We both work a lot of holidays, so we are both ok with Christmas sometime in late December when we are both off.  My family doesn’t get that we can’t always be there.  What we did last year (we were dating, not engaged yet) was he went home for Thanksgiving.  I couldn’t get off work so celebrated with my family here.  For Christmas, my family celebrates all day Christmas Eve and Christmas.  We hung out with friends Christmas Eve and my fmaily on Christmas day.  My family has been difficult, so we haven’t decided, but I think that since we don’t have enough time to travel to visit his family that we mostly spend the time with just us or some friends and stop in briefly with my family.

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