(Closed) Splitting the Cost of Wedding Help!!!

posted 5 years ago in Traditions
Post # 3
Member
4014 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m sorry, but I would not be ok with anything you have stated. Nevermind paying for a wedding that your Fiance could care less about having or contributing to! I would not be comfortable marrying someone who is so financially irresponsible that he convinced me to take out a payday loan to “help” him out when he knew moving to a new location would cost money.

I think you two need to sit down and talk about expectations for each other in your relationship and definitely hammer out financial details.

In reference to how wedding costs need to be split, there is no rule. If you and your Fiance agreed to have and pay for a wedding, then both should be contributing in some way.

Post # 4
Member
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@misschickpea:  Couldn’t have said it better myself!!

 

Everything you said are red flags … Finances are a huge huge huuuuuge deal in a marriage … This should be sorted prior to the wedding. Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
2497 posts
Buzzing bee

@TAlexander48:  If you’re already having financial disagreements with your Fiance, marriage is only going to make them worse. Hold off on marrying him until you get these issues resolved.

Post # 6
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I would put off your wedding for two reasons:

1. Your financial situation doesn’t sound secure

2. You should work out your finances with your Fiance

Many married couples share finances but it doesn’t sound like you can trust your Fiance with money. That’s a huge red flag for me and the PPs. 

Post # 8
Member
554 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Weetzie +1 

Post # 9
Hostess
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

So, let’s get this straight:

  • He bought you a “fake” ring and you’re buying your own ring. Engagement rings aren’t necessary, but if it’s important to you then its important.

 

  • You’ve loaned him money, your mom has loaned him money, he hasn’t paid either of you back.

 

  • He’s not satisfied you that he’s diligently trying to get work. 

 

  • You’re paying for your wedding – he’s not paid so you’re willing to lock his friends and family out of the wedding. 

Sounds a lot to me like you’re marrying yourself here. Definitely put this one off. He’s clearly looking for a sugar mama. 

 

Marriage is teamwork. This means no bean counting (i.e., “your mom can’t have dinner at the wedding if I’m paying for it), but it ALSO means that both partners bust their @$$ constantly to try to make sure that the family is taken care of and thriving. This is clearly not happening here on either account.  You appear to have very different priorities, from how your money is spent to work ethic to attitudes towards marriage and entering into one. 

 

Sorry. It sounds like you really want this to work, but trust me. This is not worth it.

 

Post # 11
Member
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Don’t expect things to get magically better after you’re married. Now is the time to work on the relationship before you guys make such a big commitment. I’m not saying you should abandon the relationship but you need to talk to your Fiance about this and if he won’t work on it now ten you have to think hard about whether you’re willing to put up with tis for the rest of your lives because that’s how it’s going to be most likely.

Post # 12
Member
960 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@TAlexander48:  Are you sure you want to marry HIM or you just want to MARRY? 

 

I was in a similar relationship before, my old Fiance thought it was okay to have different utilities shut off each month because you couldn’t pay, or driving an unsafe vehicle was good and not working just to go out and have fun (without vacation time) that borrowing money from me was great etc. It took me a LONG time to realize that he really didn’t care and he had me convinced I should be happy even if I was in a cardboard box because I had the man I loved. It was stupid what I put myself through for him and I encourage you to leave him or tell him that this needs to change PRONTO.

 

If you really love him and think its him you want, not just a marriage in general then sit down and dicuss what needs to change. And let him know you need to see viable changes or you need to leave for your own financial and emotional protection.

 

I’m now very glad to have left him and moved on, my current Fiance is fantastic and has furthered himself from the time we started dating. It took a while to find a great guy, but I see a massive improvement in my life since leaving the old one and even more so since findng my new guy 🙂 I hope you can do the same or shake some sense into your Fiance, I just wont hold my breathe as from expereince and from friends… I havent esen anyone make that drastic of a turn around.

Post # 13
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Eh, he sounds like an unmotivated user.  He will NOT get better after you marry, he’ll just feel more entitled – I mean, he’s already pulling the “dutiful wife” line on you and you’re not even married yet. 

Post # 14
Member
7312 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

And you are marrying him because???

Post # 16
Member
554 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

In the divorce he’ll get 1/2 Of everything, if there’s anything left.  

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