Post # 1
So I have been reading different thing on the internet about how the cost of wedding should be split. However, my fiancee and I agreed on splitting the cost of our wedding. Our budget is low $9, 000.00 to be correct. I tried to encourage him to stay in his previous state however he made up his mind that he must move where I live as soon as possible. I knew he really didn’t have money to move here at the time and tried to discourage him from doing such so soon. After we was engaged two months later he was in a bind. He needed money and explained that a dutiful wife would help her husband when in need. I explained to him that I just spent $500.00 on a brake job, but he wasn’t listening to my problems. So he encourage me to take out a loan from a payday company which in the end was $1,000.00. On top of I paying for my engagement ring, because he bought one that was as fake as a three dollar bill, Which he knew. I haven’t received one dime from the engagement ring and loan as promise in a written contract. On top of that, he doesn’t want to give a dime for the wedding.I understand that he has been having problem finding work, however he has had jobs. He sat at home for the month of April doing nothing sleeping late into the day. Don’t get me wrong he had a job during that time, however it was just training. I explained that he could get something else in the meantime until they were ready for him to work Full time. I used my income tax to pay for a down payment on the receptions. He spent his on items which isn’t that important and could have waited. Because of the new job, we cannot go on a honeymoon, which I am upset about. He said I was acting immature, anyway. I have paid for everything so far, but he has family and friends coming up for the wedding and reception. A down payment on his portion is still required for the reception, the rings has not been ordered, the DJ need his money. Truth is I am tapped out and he doesn’t really care. His thing is lets just get married. After invitation and save the date cards has went out. We get married next month and he is strongly sat in his ways. What should I do? I cry because we agreed and yet it feels like he is punishing me because I want a wedding and now he doesn’t because money is due, his money. His family and friends coming up will not be let into the reception until after dinner and he doesn’t understand why. He has borrowed money from my Mom and has yet to try to pay it back. I told him he need to hustle, legally of course. He knew this day was coming up and he failed to plan properly. I am crazy in this?
Post # 3
I’m sorry, but I would not be ok with anything you have stated. Nevermind paying for a wedding that your Fiance could care less about having or contributing to! I would not be comfortable marrying someone who is so financially irresponsible that he convinced me to take out a payday loan to “help” him out when he knew moving to a new location would cost money.
I think you two need to sit down and talk about expectations for each other in your relationship and definitely hammer out financial details.
In reference to how wedding costs need to be split, there is no rule. If you and your Fiance agreed to have and pay for a wedding, then both should be contributing in some way.
Post # 4
@misschickpea: Couldn’t have said it better myself!!
Everything you said are red flags … Finances are a huge huge huuuuuge deal in a marriage … This should be sorted prior to the wedding. Good luck!
Post # 5
@TAlexander48: If you’re already having financial disagreements with your Fiance, marriage is only going to make them worse. Hold off on marrying him until you get these issues resolved.
Post # 6
I would put off your wedding for two reasons:
1. Your financial situation doesn’t sound secure
2. You should work out your finances with your Fiance
Many married couples share finances but it doesn’t sound like you can trust your Fiance with money. That’s a huge red flag for me and the PPs.
Post # 9
So, let’s get this straight:
- He bought you a “fake” ring and you’re buying your own ring. Engagement rings aren’t necessary, but if it’s important to you then its important.
- You’ve loaned him money, your mom has loaned him money, he hasn’t paid either of you back.
- He’s not satisfied you that he’s diligently trying to get work.
- You’re paying for your wedding – he’s not paid so you’re willing to lock his friends and family out of the wedding.
Sounds a lot to me like you’re marrying yourself here. Definitely put this one off. He’s clearly looking for a sugar mama.
Marriage is teamwork. This means no bean counting (i.e., “your mom can’t have dinner at the wedding if I’m paying for it), but it ALSO means that both partners bust their @$$ constantly to try to make sure that the family is taken care of and thriving. This is clearly not happening here on either account. You appear to have very different priorities, from how your money is spent to work ethic to attitudes towards marriage and entering into one.
Sorry. It sounds like you really want this to work, but trust me. This is not worth it.
Post # 10
Thank you for your comments, right now im torn and im tired. I would be lying if I said that I dont love him but I do. And I really dont understand why. He keep saying things would be better once we are married, but my gut says it wont. And you are right, I dont trust him with money especially mines, I have been with the same company for 18yrs and the fact I had to go into my401k to pay for some of the items is upsetting. I own a condo and we were suppose to move in a bigger place, but now he suppose to move in after we are married, if that happen at all. I told him that this wasnt a good options because he isnt bring anything into the place. His place came with the furniture so he is only bring himself and clothing. Im torn and my heart is breaking just to write something like this. This isnt how I pic this special moment.
Post # 11
Don’t expect things to get magically better after you’re married. Now is the time to work on the relationship before you guys make such a big commitment. I’m not saying you should abandon the relationship but you need to talk to your Fiance about this and if he won’t work on it now ten you have to think hard about whether you’re willing to put up with tis for the rest of your lives because that’s how it’s going to be most likely.
Post # 12
@TAlexander48: Are you sure you want to marry HIM or you just want to MARRY?
I was in a similar relationship before, my old Fiance thought it was okay to have different utilities shut off each month because you couldn’t pay, or driving an unsafe vehicle was good and not working just to go out and have fun (without vacation time) that borrowing money from me was great etc. It took me a LONG time to realize that he really didn’t care and he had me convinced I should be happy even if I was in a cardboard box because I had the man I loved. It was stupid what I put myself through for him and I encourage you to leave him or tell him that this needs to change PRONTO.
If you really love him and think its him you want, not just a marriage in general then sit down and dicuss what needs to change. And let him know you need to see viable changes or you need to leave for your own financial and emotional protection.
I’m now very glad to have left him and moved on, my current Fiance is fantastic and has furthered himself from the time we started dating. It took a while to find a great guy, but I see a massive improvement in my life since leaving the old one and even more so since findng my new guy 🙂 I hope you can do the same or shake some sense into your Fiance, I just wont hold my breathe as from expereince and from friends… I havent esen anyone make that drastic of a turn around.
Post # 13
Eh, he sounds like an unmotivated user. He will NOT get better after you marry, he’ll just feel more entitled – I mean, he’s already pulling the “dutiful wife” line on you and you’re not even married yet.
Post # 14
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
And you are marrying him because???
Post # 15
Yes, I always wanted to get married and I had resolved that there was not anyone with my religious that would even look at me.. and than he came along out of know where. It sounds crazy I know, but I can only marriy someone of the same faith. With that being said, I do feel that my efforts of trying to do the right thing is ripping me apart. I need help I know, and right now things are falling apart, so much so that I cant think right at work. God I dont know, I just dont know…once again, thank u for your comments
Post # 16
In the divorce he’ll get 1/2 Of everything, if there’s anything left.