Post # 1
Alright Bees. The last few holidays have been easy, because my brother and his wife never could make it down on Thanksgiving so we always did my DH’s thanksgivings. We do one in the afternoon with his mother’s side and one in the evening with his father’s side. Well, last year my parents LITERALLY went to Old Country Buffet on Thanksgiving day. My brother and SIL are having a baby this year and aren’t coming down for Thanksgiving because its too close to her due date. I really don’t want my parents to go to Old Country Buffet again for Thanksgiving, but my parents also don’t want to come to one of the Thanksgivings on his side (dunno why! They really like his family, but I think they think they’re intruding). So do I put down my foot and do a small thanksgiving with just us and my parents and not do anything w/his family? I dunno what to do!
Post # 3
What I would do is just invite EVERYONE to your house. If his parents choose not to attend then that’s on them and you don’t have to feel guilty about not going to them.
Post # 4
Here is what we do for Thanksgiving (we don’t see husband’s mom’s side for Thanksgiving). We eat dinner with my family, because its just 6 f us, and then we got to FIL’s house for dessert and coffee because its hubs family, plus my BIL’s parents also come, so a total of about 13 people. Its just a lot easier for us to do it this way, because its a lot more crowded at the dinner table at FIL’s house than at my parents. Its worked for the past 5 years!!
One thing you may want to do, maybe ask your IL’s to call your parents, or send them a note in the mail inviting them. I think maybe if the invite is extended from his parents, your parents won’t feel like they are intruding
Post # 5
I ran into this last year. Since the very beginning Darling Husband family has pretty controlled all holidays bc my family was west coast and always traveled on vacation or didn’t do anything. Well it all changed with a divorce and now my family is all back in the same area…yea! Last year happened to be also the first real year in our brand new home and I wanted everyone together. I didn’t want 2 dinners in one day and I didn’t want to rush. My inlaws wouldn’t have it. Mother-In-Law said she didn’t want to come bc she didn’t want to travel, ok we live a mile down the road from you and she also said she didn’t know everyone too well. FYI it was just my sister, niece and nieces Boyfriend or Best Friend. Same exact people she invited to Easter dinner the year before! My feelings were hurt and I honestly put my foot down, it was either thanksgiving at our house or they wouldn’t see us that holiday. They have issues with control, such as grandkids must wake up at their house on Christmas and I just don’t agree. It hasn’t been a tradition just happened the last 4 years bc of SIL living with them at that time but only for 2 years so they are still doing it. My kids will wake up in their home. SIL bows down to them and I won’t. I have to stand my ground or things will never change and I’ll get run over.
Edit: They caved and came to our house and will probably do the same this year.
Post # 6
I think you should invite everyone over to your house. It will be really fun!
Post # 7
I was going to suggest the same thing. Why don’t you & husband host thanksgiving? Problem solved.
We alternate Thanksgiving and Christmas. Now with the baby it might switch to every third year so that we get a Thanksgiving and Christmas at home every third year.
Post # 8
@MissGreen: good for you for standing your ground!! Some of her rules sound ridiculous
Post # 9
I was going to suggest hosting Thanksgiving yourself too!
We split up Christmas too. Christmas Eve with my family, Christmas Day with his.
Post # 10
I think doing Thanksgiving at your place sounds great!
We currently split all of our holidays 4, yes 4, ways b/c all family lives in town. Pretty stressful but DH’s family would pitch a fit if we didn’t see them, and my side is pretty flexible (mom’s for a VERY early lunch, and dad’s for a late evening dinner)
Post # 11
We have 5-6 families to celebrate hilidays with, yay for both families being divorced:( There have been years that we have hosted my family together and it was so nice to not have to drag the kids to so many places.
We have offered to host my Mother-In-Law every year and she refuses. It is just Darling Husband and his sister and we are the only ones with kids so this is a hot topic each year. Be prepared for there to be resistance to change, but I really think that is your best option. This year I work Chistmas (Friday night, Christmas Eve night,and Christmas day night) so this year we will have to limit what we do, so I think it will be come to us or not at all.
Post # 12
Hey everyone! I would LOVE to host, but unfortunately we live in a condo and don’t have the room 🙁 . If we eventually hosted, I just think it would be another meal that his parents would try to fit in on that day. They REALLY use the holidays to spend time with the extended family as his cousins, aunts uncles are really close.
My mom said it would be ok doing Thanksgiving the day after again this year, but I just feel bad. I think its a really good idea to have his family send an invite! Surely my parents can’t turn down and invite 🙂
Post # 13
@runsyellowlites: I cannot believe you do FOUR holidays! We at least have it easy during Xmas because his family does a big Christmas Eve and my family gets Christmas day. For his dad’s side we do “Alternative Christmas” where we spend a weekend at his aunts. Glad I only have my father’s side of the family in town, or else that would be even harder!
Post # 14
Right now we live to far from our families to do the holidays. This will be our 3rd Christmas away from our families but hopefully next year we will get together with them.
Before we moved away we spend Christmas with my family. I know we were only dating at the time, so now that we are married it might be different. But my family seems to do more for Christmas than his, so we will see.
I’m sure once we have kids that all the parents will want to come and spend the holidays with us.