(Closed) Splitting up the holidays….

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

What I would do is just invite EVERYONE to your house.  If his parents choose not to attend then that’s on them and you don’t have to feel guilty about not going to them.

Post # 4
7429 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Here is what we do for Thanksgiving (we don’t see husband’s mom’s side for Thanksgiving). We eat dinner with my family, because its just 6 f us, and then we got to FIL’s house for dessert and coffee because its hubs family, plus my BIL’s parents also come, so a total of about 13 people. Its just a lot easier for us to do it this way, because its a lot more crowded at the dinner table at FIL’s house than at my parents. Its worked for the past 5 years!!

One thing you may want to do, maybe ask your IL’s to call your parents, or send them a note in the mail inviting them. I think maybe if the invite is extended from his parents, your parents won’t feel like they are intruding

Post # 5
1941 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I ran into this last year. Since the very beginning Darling Husband family has pretty controlled all holidays bc my family was west coast and always traveled on vacation or didn’t do anything. Well it all changed with a divorce and now my family is all back in the same area…yea! Last year happened to be also the first real year in our brand new home and I wanted everyone together. I didn’t want 2 dinners in one day and I didn’t want to rush. My inlaws wouldn’t have it. Mother-In-Law said she didn’t want to come bc she didn’t want to travel, ok we live a mile down the road from you and she also said she didn’t know everyone too well. FYI it was just my sister, niece and nieces Boyfriend or Best Friend. Same exact people she invited to Easter dinner the year before! My feelings were hurt and I honestly put my foot down, it was either thanksgiving at our house or they wouldn’t see us that holiday. They have issues with control, such as grandkids must wake up at their house on Christmas and I just don’t agree. It hasn’t been a tradition just happened the last 4 years bc of SIL living with them at that time but only for 2 years so they are still doing it. My kids will wake up in their home. SIL bows down to them and I won’t. I have to stand my ground or things will never change and I’ll get run over.


Edit: They caved and came to our house and will probably do the same this year.

Post # 6
2410 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think you should invite everyone over to your house. It will be really fun!

Post # 7
2142 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010


I was going to suggest the same thing. Why don’t you & husband host thanksgiving? Problem solved.

We alternate Thanksgiving and Christmas. Now with the baby it might switch to every third year so that we get a Thanksgiving and Christmas at home every third year.

Post # 8
7429 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

@MissGreen: good for you for standing your ground!! Some of her rules sound ridiculous

Post # 9
7776 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I was going to suggest hosting Thanksgiving yourself too!

We split up Christmas too. Christmas Eve with my family, Christmas Day with his.

Post # 10
5654 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

I think doing Thanksgiving at your place sounds great!

We currently split all of our holidays 4, yes 4, ways b/c all family lives in town. Pretty stressful but DH’s family would pitch a fit if we didn’t see them, and my side is pretty flexible (mom’s for a VERY early lunch, and dad’s for a late evening dinner)

Post # 11
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

We have 5-6 families to celebrate hilidays with, yay for both families being divorced:( There have been years that we have hosted my family together and it was so nice to not have to drag the kids to so many places.

We have offered to host my Mother-In-Law every year and she refuses. It is just Darling Husband and his sister and we are the only ones with kids so this is a hot topic each year. Be prepared for there to be resistance to change, but I really think that is your best option. This year I work Chistmas (Friday night, Christmas Eve night,and Christmas day night) so this year we will have to limit what we do, so I think it will be come to us or not at all.

Post # 14
1501 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Right now we live to far from our families to do the holidays. This will be our 3rd Christmas away from our families but hopefully next year we will get together with them.

Before we moved away we spend Christmas with my family. I know we were only dating at the time, so now that we are married it might be different. But my family seems to do more for Christmas than his, so we will see.

I’m sure once we have kids that all the parents will want to come and spend the holidays with us.

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