(Closed) Splitting up the housework

posted 8 years ago in Home
Post # 3
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I just read the book “His needs, Her needs”.  The way they suggest doing it is making a list of all the things that have to be done on a daily/weekly/monthly basis.  Decide what each of you likes to do or doesn’t mind doing.  Then review what is left on the list.  Can you compromise?  If he tries to help with some laundry will you mow the lawn?  If there is still something left on the list that neither of  you want to do then you should think about hiring it out if financially possible.  

Post # 4
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

I agree with making a list, and also hiring someone to do the yard work a couple of times a month or however often it needs. Stop doing anything he can do for himself – I’m thinking mostly of his laundry. Just do your own and he can do his. I wouldn’t worry about showing you appreciate what he does, unless he does it for you too – it’s just basic courtesy when you share a house, it doesn’t need a medal πŸ™‚ Why don’t mothers realise they are setting their sons up for a life of disappointing their wives if they spoil them too much! Anyway I am sure you will figure it out – just stick to your guns, be patient and don’t be a doormat πŸ™‚

Post # 5
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Well first of all, if you keep doing it, of COURSE he’ll keep letting you! If the house is always clean, he probably doesn’t realize how MUCH there is to do. I know, personally, when Darling Husband was unemployed, i basically said “you don’t work, you take care of it all” and he admitted he was pretty surprised at how MUCH there was to do to keep a house together. You could let him take care of dinner two nights a week. A list is great, then divide it up together.

We have his/hers/joint laundry–it works out GREAT. towels are joint and if you do your own load, be courteous and throw that in there. But i’m responsible for my own laundry and he does his own. It works out great.

The lawn is one thing I definitely do not touch, though! I’d hire someone, too.

Instead of approaching it like “you don’t do your share” approach it like “i’m so overwhelmed with everything–i’m always doing hosuework, i work X hours/day (more than him i see! that’d definitely bug me!)” and try to appeal to his need to help you out b/c you’re overwhelmed. Which is true! But then he won’t be on the defensive immediately

Post # 7
Member
1317 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Men work well with lists. Try starting a HONEYDEW (honey do) it helps with a matching honeydew melon picture at the top of it Laughing

Post # 8
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I agree on the lists!  My fiance won’t necessarily “see” that things need cleaning (I could rant here!), so it really helps to make it task-oriented.  I also make the list a joint list so we can both see who is doing what.  Has made a huge difference!  

Post # 9
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

Hey cupcake, just noticed you’re a fellow Aussie. In that case I suggest your Fiance doesn’t want you OR hired help to work in the garden, because it’s the bloke’s job. What kind of man lets his missus do the yard work? πŸ™‚ Not everyone’s cut out for it though – if he wants to do it, then he needs to step up and get it done. But try to explain that it’s ok if he’s *not* a yard work person – you won’t think any less of him as a man πŸ™‚ Good luck!!!

Post # 10
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I’m probably in the minority here but I don’t dance around these issues and I’m no one’s maid or mamma. period. When we moved in together I made sure he knew that we were not going to have a typical girl-does-everything type deal, and we negotiated for what we don’t mind doing. I do the grocery shopping and cooking, he does all yard work and dishes. I do the laundry, he is in charge of all things trash and bug related. Every Saturday morning we take time together to make sure the whole house is clean. Usually I do the kitchen and mop all hard floors while he vacuums the house, the couch, and cleans the bathrooms. I probably spend more time during the week on cooking and laundry than he does on his tasks, but i don’t mind doing those things and I HATE trash and yardwork (and cleaning bathrooms) so to me its a totally fair trade. 

And in terms of “he can’t figure out how to work a lawn mower”? bullshit. Sorry to be blunt, but its not rocket science. he will get out of work for as long as you allow him to. 

Post # 11
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

haha, Corgi, I make Darling Husband kill all the buggies, too.

And if i can figure out a lawn mower, so can he. Tell him to youtube it Laughing.

Post # 12
Member
5496 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2010

@Corgi  Your situation sounds pretty identical to ours.

I cook, he does dishes. We both do our own laundry, occasionally doing the other persons laundry if needed. I clean up more than he does, but he waters flowers outside more than me,  he takes care of all trash…it’s very balanced. Once a month we have a big cleaning of the house and we split the work right down the middle.

I could never live with somebody who didn’t put in roughly 50% of the housework. Only fair in my mind!

Post # 13
Member
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009 - Eastside Catholic Chapel and Lake Union Cafe

We made a list of what needs to be done daily (dinner, dishes), weekly (garbage out to the curb, gorcery shopping, sweeping), as needed (laundry, vacuuming) and who takes care of bills and such.  We each picked things we don’t mind doing and identified things we hate doing (he – shopping, me – bathrooms).  We split dinners up 3 for him and 4 for me.  That was a few years ago and it’s worked well.  I make sure to compliment him when he makes dinner or the bathroom is spotless without me having to hint it’s time for it to be cleaned.

Not sure that helped, but good luck!

Post # 14
Member
1145 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2000

We split it up and wrote it down with the flexible option to change in the future if needed. I think your list is lopsided. He should take either laundry or vacuuming. That should help. I feel good about the way we got it set up. I actually feel like I got the good end of the stick. Notice I keep my non-manual labor chores on the list (groceries/finances).

Me:

Keeping track/advancing finances, cooking, grocery shopping, mopping/sweeping, tub/toilet (except now I’m preggo so I don’t do bathroom)

Him:

Trash, laundry, vacuuming,  yard, make the bed– since he wakes up later

I made a big deal about how big and strong he is so he would be better at the ‘hard’ lifting. Laundry is huge b/c it involves folding, washing, drying but notice I only put it on as ONE for him. Sneaky, huh? >>>or blessed

(P.S. he added one day of cooking per week..as long as I buy it for him and tell him exactly what to make. Some days I recruit him to be my souz chef. Dishes is just whoever…usually me, especially when he cooks.)

Post # 16
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

Good luck Cupcake, I’ll be interested to see how it goes!!! It’s all about baby steps πŸ™‚ Enjoy your night off from cooking!

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